So, Stephen Fry: The Secret Life of the Manic Depressive final installment yesterday evening depressed me. I have suffered from a number of depressive episodes in my life and have had an eating disorder from a young age (which, fingers crossed, I no longer allow myself to 'suffer' from) but this programme made me so angry. I'd love to be able to "let go" and let myself slip into my black moods but I can't. I don't have my fame/fortune or mummy and daddy to fall back on. I have to work, I have to keep myself afloat, I have to keep myself together enough to get to work.

That's not to say that I don't have my dark periods when I feel like I can't go on. There are period when just getting out of bed is an effort but I have to make that effort and bloody hell other people should too. The sheer self indulgence - my madness is my creativity, I refuse to take medicine that may help stabilise me (although you claim to care what the people close to you feel like - what do you think they feel when you're majorly up or down?). What a load of annoying rubbish.

Might have been those diet doctors that put me in the bad mood first though. Over-indulgence and under-activity were the flaws this week...made me want to eat chocolate and not exercise...oh, I do that already...