163 days sober... but can I keep going through Xmas parties, Xmas and NYE? December is going to be difficult...

(image from: http://www.soberunicorn.com/)

Transformation 

This year has been about the attempt to transform... working full time, husband, household and two young children do not make things easy going.  


However, we're coming up to 10 years since my father died and it feels like a good time to lay to rest my resulting breakdown and the following deaths of my mother and my grandparents.  My brother and I scattered our parents ashes into the river before New Year and I started this journey of transforming.  

I move daily - walk, stretch, smile.

I remind myself to be BRAVE (bold, radiant, alive, vibrant and eager).    

I've been awakening my magical side with the support of a wonderful group of witches.

I allow transformation to happen without being scared or in fear.

I create creative play areas for my children - their rooms are their own at last! 

Still to work on:

An altar to express my gratitude 

A creative space for me

Keep moving - regular yoga and/or exercise 

Changing the garden and bathroom into relaxing spaces we want to be in!

To control my anxiety

To feel confident while driving  

Far Reaching and Epic Changes

Our son arrived in April and has been spreading his wonderful chaos around our lives ever since. Only now am I able to take a step back and register the change in my life. I make jam. I puree organic vegetables to feed to my child. I bake cakes. Although, I have a feeling that this won't last when I return to work next month!

The Dead Christ by Gregorio Fernández (1576-1636)

"To read a newspaper is to refrain from reading something worthwhile. The first discipline of education must therefore be to refuse resolutely to feed the mind with canned chatter."
Aleister Crowley

I quite enjoy magazines and television precisely because they stop me from thinking... must try harder.

Today I'm tired because I stayed up dancing to 6 Music last night - the tracklisting is here.

"Whatever you can do or dream, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it".
Goethe

Scumbag Magnet

Taken from NME: "Blur's Graham Coxon, who plays guitar on Pete Doherty's forthcoming solo album, has spoken about why he chose to hook up with the Babyshambles man and how he got frustrated with him. The guitarist said that the promise he heard in the initial demos for the album convinced him to sign up. He also spoke about Doherty's personal life, calling him a "scumbag magnet"."

The Richey Edwards obituary here and an article about the lyrics here.

Ideas Summit

I went to an ISAN meeting last week in Liverpool. I used to work for the company and the meeting was inspiring because there were a number of projects that I was involved with in development moving forward at a fantastic rate.

I was also able to take part in the Ideas Summit as an attendee rather than a member of staff. The Ideas Summit allows artists and companies to present ideas to producers and promoters. The ideas can be literally at the embryonic stage through to a ready to book show. There were passionate, exciting ideas and I only wish I was in the position to book them there and then.

Certainly got me thinking about the projects that I'd like to be involved with. Joe and I moved down to Exeter with the idea that we'd have time and space to put on our own events but as yet haven't had the motivation. I wrote a list of projects down when I returned and requested a meeting with a lady who may be able to help.

Billy Bragg

We saw Billy Bragg last night supported by Otis Gibbs - both really enjoyable. I've seen Billy quite a bit and have been bored to tears by his political rants between songs. I've realised that this was at festivals when all you want to do is get on with the hits and then go and get more booze. I actually quite enjoyed them last night and they made me feel that my halfhearted recycling and ecover use just isn't enough.

CERN Big Bang

Wow!

Liverpool's Elephant:

Go here for more information. Flickr will be the best bet for audiences photos.

"I was always surprised I made it to 30, I was on a collision course. But once you've made it beyond a certain point, you are faced with two choices: carry on and end up killing yourself, or change your life radically. I chose the latter. Wilderness is born out of being in love, and being in love with life. Of course, people don't want their rock stars to be clean-cut and happy; they want them to be unhinged, decadent and desperate. But I believe there is another side of life - a positive side - that I can write about with just as much passion and intensity."
Brett Anderson

Doris

I remember you coming back to live in London and dancing me around the front room.

I remember when you caught me smoking you made me sit on a stool in the shop and smoke the rest of your B&H.

I remember you laughing because I was so scared of the eels in the fish shop down the road.

I remember you buying me the biggest ice cream I've ever seen when we went on holiday.

I remember Grandad, Dash and me hiding those morning choc ices from you.

As you said to me on recent occasions in pure understatement; your dying yesterday is a bit of blow.

The Creation

Yesterday, I listened to the rehearsals of Haydn's The Creation in Sheffield Cathedral. For those of you who like to know about these things it was the Sheffield Oratorio Chorus and the South Yorkshire Symphony Orchestra conducted by Alan Eost.

Soprano, Elizabeth Watts
Tenor, Joseph Cornwall
Bass, Paul Carey-Jones

Rather enjoyable.

Arthur C Clarke, writer and futurist, dies at 90

"Life is just one big banana. Science fiction allows us all to peel open the reality and discover the yellow truth inside."

To balance out the Sweeney Todd hatred of the world:

-- written by Max Ehrmann in the 1920s --

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Andrasta - The Warrior Goddess

Her symbol is the hare. She was a lunar mother-goddess figure associated with fertility and love. She is the goddess of victory, of ravens and of battle. Her colour is red. Her weapon is the sword. Her tarot is death.

She was the Celtic Goddess envoked by Boudicca and the Iceni:

"I thank thee, Andraste, and call upon thee as woman speaking to woman [...] those over whom I rule are Britons, men that know not how to till the soil or ply a trade, but are thoroughly versed in the art of war and hold all things in common, even children and wives, so that the latter possess the same valour as the men. As the queen, then, of such men and of such women, I supplicate and pray thee for victory, preservation of life, and liberty against men insolent, unjust, insatiable, impious" Dio Cassius

"Let us, therefore, go against (the Romans), trusting boldly to good fortune. Let us show them that they are hares and foxes trying to rule over dogs and wolves." When she had finished speaking, she employed a species of divination, letting a hare escape from the fold of her dress; and since it ran on what they considered the auspicious side, the whole multitude shouted with pleasure, and Buduica, raising her hand toward heaven, said: "I thank thee, Andraste, and call upon thee as woman speaking to woman..." Dio Cassius

Aerial Dance: I've been coordinating a week long workshop with Wendy Hesketh and Jamie Ogilvie from Wired Aerial Theatre and Brenda Angiel from Brenda Angiel Aerial Dance Company. I've never seen dance like it. Inspiring, beautiful and full of spectacular qualities; they move with strength and a deliberateness that is just fantastic.

Steam/Sauna/Spa Bath/Swimming pool: There is nothing better in this world for clearing the mind.