One of those getting to know you things

Please copy mine below, erase my answers putting yours in their place then post it in your blog if you get a chance...

1. First name:
Boudicca (it really is before you ask, my parents gave me that name).

2. Age:
31, I used to be worried about hitting my 30s but it's been ok.

3. Location:
Exeter, UK. I've only been here for 10 months but it feels like home. We'll be here for a while.

4. Hometown:
Well, I was born in London. Spent my childhood in Hebden Bridge. My teenage years in Newcastle upon Tyne. Then back to London for 10 years. They are all my hometowns.

5. Occupation:
An agent for outdoor and variety artists and a freelance arts project manager. I care deeply about the arts and I'm lucky (or driven!) enough to have worked in this sector for all my working life. Someone reminded me a while ago that when I was 14 I said to them "all I want to do is own my own venue". Still my dream.

6. Partner:
Joe, we've been together for 5 years and are getting married next year.

7. Kids:
No, not yet. There's a few complications that need to be sorted first unfortunately.

8. Brothers/Sisters:
One brother, Dash, two years younger. Love him to bits. I'm a very bossy big sister but he puts up with it.

9. Pets:
None, but I have a picture of a jack russell on my desk which keeps me happy.

10. List the 3-5 biggest things going on in your life:
1. I've bought my first house so I'm nesting.
2. Developing exciting things at work.
3. Planning the perfect festival in my head.
4. Adjusting to my new status as an orphan...which leads me onto...

11. Parents:
Lee died in Dec 05 and Jan died in July 08. There are no words for the emptiness they've left behind. I'm very lucky to have been bought into the world by them and I'm only sorry they had to fly with the birds so early.

12. Who are some of your closest friends?:
I have lots of friends but very few people know me really and truly and they know who they are!

13. Do you drink/smoke?:
I used to do both and to excess. Smoking I stopped years ago by still cracked under stress. Drinking...gah, I've been drinking heavily since my teens and binge like no-one else I know. I'm trying to get it under control though and recently have only drunk 5 pints of ale (in one naughty night) and 1/2 bottle of wine since 9th August. I do miss it but I'm not allowed until I can learn just to have a merry couple rather than a shouty allnighter!

14. Tattoos/Piercings:
Piercings:
4 time in left ear
2 and 1 top in right ear
Left nose

Tattoos:
One rose on top of left arm - MSP debut album cover with the song title 'Stay Beautiful' instead of Generation Terrorist. It was a present from Jenni and Dan for my 17th birthday. I was "all broken up at 17" just like the song said.

Just below I have a dolphin which I got for my 18th birthday. He looks a bit like a weird bird but I love him.

Right arm I have a flaming sun. I got this in New York and was a gift to myself for finishing my degree. My friend Darian was with me getting his stars done at the same time.

I have plans for memorial ones for Lee and Jan to go onto my feet. Just got to find me a tattooist in Exeter.

Boo's Booze

I doing OK on the booze front - only 1 pint so far. Yesterday, on a night out where I'd usually have consumed around 5 or 6.

Tonight is a test though as a big night out for Alice who's moving to Manchester.

Generally, as not on tour or doing festivals I have consumed a mere portion of what I'd usually do in an average summer.

Life plods on. I had a dream last night that Jan wasn't dead and it was all a big mistake. She appeared from the sea on a blue sailing boat while I was walking along a beach. Her and a friend had just been lost. I awoke to emptiness, a list of mundane tasks and a constant nagging panic just a or two breath away.

Giving up

After yet another Saturday night with massive memory lapses and arguments followed by a queasy, head fuzzy Sunday; I've decided to give up alcohol for a month.

(and then I sicked it up...evil bad...)

This Morning

"There's a hole in the world like a great black pit, and it's filled with people who are filled with shit, and the vermin of the world inhabit it..."

Reminder to self: don't go to sleep with the Sweeny Todd soundtrack on repeat.

Life

Jan's chemo has shrunk the cancers. Her life expectancy has increased from 6/8 months to 5 plus years. I'm happy but still scared about the future.

The house has fallen through (as it was literally about to do itself!). Still on the search for another one but have decided that central Exeter is a good option as we can just 'pop out' for fun fuelled evenings.

I'm enjoying the new part time job. A lot. I mean really enjoying it. It's pushing me into unconfident territory but in a good, supportive environment. Nothing more I could ask for really.

I'm cold and tired but each sunny day fills me with the hope of a blooming, warm summer.

I'm missing the Centreparcs weekend and Lornie's hen do due to the other work I'm doing at the moment.

I'm going to the gym 3 x a week.

Andover...

It has roundabouts, a ring road and The Lights is a rather nice arts centre.

I'm sure there'll be more to report tomorrow.

Potato Pegs for Glasto

'The organisers have confirmed that they are currently intending to hand out these pegs at all the entry points. Each person with a tent will receive around 10 of the 'potato pegs', which means around a million pegs will be handed out!

After last year's festival a skip was filled full of tent pegs, that have to be removed from the ground for the safety of the cows. Mr Eavis told BBC News that they are "a real problem for the cows." The biodegradable pegs were selected from various prototypes the organisers have tested and are very strong when first used, but if left in the fields will break down over subsequent months.' Read more at Efestivals here.

Potato Pegs...it's not even April 1st yet...

Culture Vulture

Sir Brian McMaster’s policy review Supporting Excellence in the Arts states.

• that the board of every cultural organisation should contain at least two artists and or practitioners,
• that all publicly funded cultural organisations remove admission charges for everyone for one week each year to address the endemic ‘it’s not for me’ syndrome, and
• that the ten most innovative cultural companies receive ten-year funding packages to support their ambition.

Ok, I've worked with a number of boards and it's hard enough getting a small number of people to a board meeting let alone adding even more people into the mix. The artists (or practitioners) would become 'representatives' or silent board member i.e. unable to actually vote on the development and running of the organisation.

Remove admission charges...a comparable thing I've seen is a great reduction in the West End ticket costs with Kids Week. It doesn't work in the way that McMaster envisions; the theatres are just filled with pushy mothers and stage school brats. They are the people that the shows are already reaching. Cinemas used to do it with a free weekend - they are just filled with cinema geeks. If there was a free cultural week, of course I'd go but I'm already going...

Oh, alright I'll give him this one to a degree but only if the list only includes nationwide representatives from every fundable sector - i.e. only one orchestra, only one opera, only one ballet....plus they tour to every UK town possible and offer free tickets to local schools for a number of performances. Also a majority of the organisations shouldn't be from London.

The Guardian response here
The Times response here

General Points:

I've eaten out every evening since last Wednesday. Tonight, I will cook a healthy dinner with something green as I'm now feeling like a weird food experiment...today's lunch is a slim-a-soup, ryvita and an apple.

I went to a preview of Sweeney Todd last night. There are flaws a plenty but it was an enjoyable film nevertheless. I mean, where else can a girl fulfill her fetish of Johnny Depp being splattered with blood while singing Sondheim?

So much going on but so little to say...

The move has been hectic as all moves are. Still looking for a flat to move into so in Lornie and Will's spare room for now (thank you, thank you, much love to you both!). There doesn't seem to be many 1 beds out there to rent but hopefully we'll find something soon and get on with the nesting.

We've spent a lot of the last few days stalking around Exeter and getting settled in to our new city.

Work is busy but managed to sort out a swanky vodafone modem so I can work anywhere at all...there are an other couple of jobs in the pipeline too so fingers crossed on that front.

I was in London for a meeting today and didn't feel like I've missed it at all.

Again, sorry...

Time has been against me what with the slow, plodding move to Exeter, going freelance, handovers and goodbyes to friends.

Notes to self:

• spend more time on the stuff that you enjoy
• take time to look at the things that surround you
• slow your heart rate down and try to breathe
  

Reading Festival

Edited highlights from website info page:

"Dear Reading Festival Goer,

It has been a very difficult month. When we got on site on July 25th, Green Camps ABC and D were waist high in water from the floods, yellow camp FGH and I were over 3’ deep in water, all of brown was over my knees, purple I couldn’t get to and White was just part of the river...In summary it has been a challenge. The summer has been bloody awful but thanks to great support from Reading Borough Council and the Environment Agency who have managed to drop the level of the river adjacent to the site and therefore reduce the level of the water table on site, as well as the amazing efforts of a key number of my site crew...we will be able to stage the world’s greatest rock festival despite what climate change and the weather have thrown at us...

Best regards

Melvin Benn

Managing Director Festival Republic – Promoter of Carling Weekend: Reading & Leeds Festivals"

We were meant to be working in fancy dress but I have removed my big silly dress and have packed wellies, inflatable canoe and emergency flares instead. Oh, and enough gin to block out the horror of it all.

How are you?

The feeling of wading through mud has continued way past Glastonbury. My gut is churning. My heart is fluttering. I'm unable to sit still. I'm unable to complete any project. I want to change everything about me. I want to run away. I can't sleep. People tell me that they don't know what I believe in because I never say anything that I truly believe - I just play devil's advocate on every point. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I BELIEVE IN. I have lost the plot. I make moves to improve my life but I can never complete anything. I fool myself that I haven't found "my thing" but in my heart I know it's because I'm lazy and sloth like in every way. Depression is my protection. I know where I am with my depression. It's seen me through a lot of hard times. It's hard not to turn to previous ways of coping. I'm trying not to vomit. I try to think about other things instead of self harm. I'm jealous. I'm angry. I'm scared. I don't want to be here - in this place, this time, or this body.

Lost

Saint Anthony, Saint Anthony, please come around. Something is lost and needs to be found

Tweak

I just had to post this picture of Cillian Murphy - it just left me totally breathless...those eyes, those cheekbones, those lips...

From the last few weeks

Two nights in a row seeing the Manic Street Preachers - felt 15 again but with slightly less despair.

I'm going to Glastonbury with my boyf and the ladies are all working. Hurrah!

EBay mania - new summer frocks, Edwardian umbrellas for Glastonbury, Cd's (Shiny Toy Guns), stainless steel and crystal rings, fake ear plugs body jewellery, polka dot high heels, etc.

Visiting the Turtle's afloat in Brentford.

Boyf revealing that he'd quite like to live on a boat or in a camper van for a while. This is after he poo-pooed the idea late last year when I said we could afford a whole boat with my inheritance but only part of a house!

Falling in lust with Gok Wan - every girl should have one telling her how wonderful she is!

Saying no to a job which cements that we're absolutely moving out of London at the end of the year. No idea where/what/when...oooh it's fun...

Proved Correct (at last!)

Ages ago during a day off ill I had the (mis)fortune of seeing Big Cook, Little Cook. I knew the guys from somewhere, I thought from a comedy club. I suggested this to a number of people who all stated that I was insane and that there was no way that children's tv actors would also be rude comedians...I have been proved correct - see here. Hurrah!

Problems afoot...

• Whenever I see my 3 page to do list I panic. I work for one company but we have a number of projects so I have colour coded tasks in excel for 4 different large projects. I can tick off when each task is done. I hide the completed tasks at the end of each week. These days even the ticking doesn't make me happy.
• I'm surrounded by paperwork - my in trays are literally sagging under the pressure (as am I)
• I woke up at 3am this morning and thought about works finance for 1 hrs before finally going back to sleep.

I think that I need to clear the to do's and in trays so I can sleep soundly during Easter.

I listen to GAY music that GOD hates!

Find out if you do too here