Went to see the Mighty Boosh last night - really enjoyable (and removed me from my woes for 3 hrs!). I now have an even bigger crush on the lovely Howard TJ Moon (AKA Julian Barrett). Here, see, a picture of him sucking a lolly:

Julian: "Are you aware of the music known as jazz?"
Noel: "Jazz, what's that, 1984, Matt Bianco (sings badly) What is lo-o-o-ove anywa-a-a-y, does anybody love anybody anyway?"
Julian: "No, jazz. You fear jazz. You fear the lack of rules, the lack of boundaries. Oh look, it's a fence. But, no, it's soft."

and here's a picture for all you Noel fans:

I improved last night - worked out in the gym for ages, vented my anger then went to see the ladies and met Carla's mum and saw Jessie's wedding dress but then I went and spoilt it all by eating 1/2 a chocolate egg for breakfast and 3 chocolate bars and 2 bags of crisps for lunch today...arses.

The irony! What? It made me laugh. Ok, if I'm honest it made me laugh a hard, hollow, bitter laugh as I thought about the futility of life...god, I'm in a fucking bad mood. Yesterday I was happy and full of life and today I was late for work (30 mins late for work, WTF?) and I can't get anything finished (some things I can't even start), I'm eating too much and I feel like shit. When and how did I get so lazy and unmotivated?

What is the music world coming to?

Simon Amstell and Miquita Oliver are leaving Popworld

Rapper Proof is shot dead

Jack White sells his soul for Coke

I now have a coldsore...I woke this morning to a tell tale tingle on my top lip. Cue manic searching for Blistex Relief Cream. Loaded a huge amount on there but I'm too late, the dreaded blisters have gain strength over the day and now I'm looking like a plague victim.

And, I'm still croaking.

Went a bit crazed on books again. The boyf has mentioned that there are too many books in our home and that he doesn't want to live in a library!

Currently reading Perfume, The Story of a Murderer by Patrick Süskind and The Poems of Rowan Williams. Both are amazing, I'm really enjoying them.

Sore throat and cough is still with me. I've taken to drinking purdeys , wearing a scarf, sucking halls max strength lozenges, wiping myself in Vicks VapoRub and swigging cough medicine at all times. The heating has also stopped working in our office so I'm regularly putting my coat on too. I look like a bum...

I also wrote up all my to do things in a new notepad in a hope that it would make me feel more motivated. It only made me motivated to go to the shop and buy chocolate and more cold and flu painkillers.

...and now Creep by Radiohead is playing on the radio. Joy.

Boyf will only let me go away for Easter if I'm better. If I don't go away, I will sulk in my room eating all the Easter Eggs by myself.

The weekend was fantastic fun, the boyf and I arrived in Oxford on Friday evening and had dinner out with Eddy and Julie where we all laughed too much and then we all got an earlish night. This didn't however stop my throat becoming razor blades and sneezing maniacally.

Saturday was spent having lovely breakfast and waiting for the latecomers (the first was meant to arrive between 11am - 12noon but didn't get there until 4pm). Once we'd got most people together, a gang of us went into Oxford betted on the grand national and ate lunch at the Buttery...afterwards we ended up in pub (surprise) and waited for everyone to join us. We popped back to Julies to get ready to go out. The went for an Indian up the road and the popped back to Julies for Big Al's cocktails and champagne. We went onto a club and caused havoc - beer fights, dancing like twats and trying to avoid fights with goths! Went back to Julies for an extension of naughtiness during which I was force fed vitamin C tablets by Jess, became an agony aunt for a while, drank too much and then went and passed out in bed.

Sunday was spent recovering, eating full English breakfasts and taking the piss out of each other for bad behaviour the previous night. Sent boyf to pick up my winnings from the Grand National - a whole £2.25!

We'd all recovered enough by around 8pm so we went to eat very slowly served Sushi.

Then we had to go back to London. Journey home was lovely - George our driver was lovely and me, the Boyf, Hels, Jess and Turtle put the world to rights and we were driven through a wonderful snow storm (which had, of course, turned to cold horrible rain by the time we got back to London).

Back home to our new matress (28 cm wide deep- very cosy indeed) and tried not to die during the night. Today I have bought meltus for chesty coughs, nurofen cold and flu and halls max strength lozenges - if that doesn't get rid of my illness I don't know what will...

This week has been full of fun outings.

Seth Lakeman played at Carling Islington Academy on Tuesday. It was a pretty good evening although the audience were pretty awful - odd mix of crazy folk women (you know the type - dancing off the beat, waving hand about their heads, shaking there long henna'd hair in your face), posh totty and loud drunks. Trying to ignore the people around us, I tried to concentrate on the music. Really enjoyable but felt a little 'too polished'...when you see folk music it's usually in the pub and is played by rough old men! To see a lovely looking young man playing so beautifully was odd however, I really enjoyed it (bought the new album there and have had it on constant play since!)




Graham Coxon played at the Hammersmith Apollo on Wednesday. What can I say apart from he was absolutely bloody marvelous. Wonderful songs ranging from manic energy ones to quiet completative ones. Boy can he play guitar. The happy, bouncy energy that you get after a good gig lasted me and boyf all the way home on the district line...




Then for something a little different: Les Ballets Trockadero de Monte Carlo at the Peacock Theatre yesterday with Hels and Richie (both of whom were in very silly moods, me? I'm never silly!). Fantastic show, men in frock exploring the comedy in trad, modern ballet. What makes it so great is that they can actually dance (and en pointe which is amazing to behold). I don't think that I've laughed as much before at Swan Lake Act 2 and the dying swan (white feathers everywhere!). They are performing the UK again in September and you must buy tickets.

This weekend I'm going to Oxford for Julie's b/day celebrations. There will be 11 plus guests all squeezed together - it's a bloody good job we all know each other!

I don't often remember my dreams, possibly due to the weird religious/horror dreams I had when I was younger. Recently, some have been sticking in my mind including one where I'm with Jess and we are going to see Richie in his attic room. We're blocked on top of the stairs by a small toy-sized tank that starts barking at us that we can't pass, we step around it and it starts to fire bullets at us...they feel like sharp stones on my legs as I pass. We fall into Richie's room and he's packing all his stuff to move away, he says that he's got everything except his boat. We look into the middle of the room and there's a pond. He dives in and swims out to the boat in the middle of the pond. He gets smaller and smaller and then starts to drag the boat back in to shore. As it comes to the edge, we realise that it's actually the size of a real boat and Richie is dragging it towards us. We start screaming and all goes black.

There was also the one where it turned out that my dad had fathered another child that he didn't know about and his mum was saying that we (my brother and I) couldn't ever see our little brother. I woke up so bloody angry at the mum (even though in actual fact she's a family friend and their is no way that her son is my dads!)

Shall I, as my boyf suggests, contact the priory now?

This weekend I have mainly done:

• A gym/swim visit that lastest 2hrs
• Ran away from a child in the pool who was spraying Hels and I with water
• Done 20 sit ups in a row (whoo-hoo *rambo music plays*)
• Failed to do any push ups (even in the girl stylie)
• Had a lovely grown up lunch with boyf and Helski
• Fucked about for a whole day with friends
• Showed a dead rat to teenage girls in the street
• Carla, Hels, Leo and I buried said rat in Tower Hamlets cemetery Park (not a pet rat you understand, a real life dirty bin rat...it had made it's home in the ladies house only to die the other night, Hels insisted that we give it a proper send off)
• Got locked in Tower Hamlets cemetery Park
• Had a massive Chinese/Thai dinner at the ladies
• Tidied up the flat with boyf on Sunday
• Tried to go out on Sunday to a club - didn't make it
• Baked a loaf of bread, ate loaf of bread

Woke up this morning quite happy and determined to get on with things. This week is busy at work and play...Seth Lakeman, Graham Coxon and Les Ballets Trockadero. Followed by a weekend in Oxford for lovely Julie's birthday. Hurrah!

Seven Things I Want To Do Before I Die:
1. Lose weight and get fit (the eternal goal)
2. To become less angry at the world (my inner gothy existentialist is alive and well and kicking bloody hard)
3. See the world (but only with the proviso of staying in 5* hotels with no backpackers of any sort anywhere in sight, daaaallinnn’)
4. Make my own jam and chutney (in a huge farmhouse kitchen with all my beautiful, chubby, grubby, little children hanging on my apron strings while my artist husband worships me slavishly – hurrah!)
5. See the Aurora Borealis with my family at my side while scattering some of my dad’s ashes because he never bloody got to see them before he died.
6. Write a play, direct a play and produce a play and see them all performed (to critical acclaim, of course!)
7. Take over the world….mmmmwwwhhhhaaaahhhhaaaa *strokes pussy* [insert you own jokes here]

Seven Things I Cannot Do:
1. Saying “no thank you, I’d like a diet coke” to offers of alcohol
2. Juggle (for this I am most happy)
3. Speak any foreign language (despite trying too, these things generally don’t stick in my head…apart from being able to ask for 2 cheese sandwiches in Dutch – I learnt that one when my brother and I ran like feral wolf children in Amsterdam one summer when we were 11 and 9 but that’s another story involving dope plant jungles, dirty old Arab men, our first glimpse of porno, canal boat robbing smack heads and a certain Mr Heiner Muller!)
4. Walk past a comic book shop without just ‘popping in’ and buying something
5. Be in the same room as a moth for any period of time (the horror, those dusty, flappy wings, I’m retching just thinking about them)
6. Avoid collecting anything shiny and/or glittery (magpie genes methinks). I have boxes full of ribbons, buttons, glitter and stars
7. Trust a Tory. I think that I actually have a physical repulsion to them. From Maggie stealing my milk (Maggie Thatcher, Milk Snatcher!) when I was just about to graduate to being head milk girl and my dad punching the TV when Maggie got voted in the early 80’s I have been moulded into a Tory hater. I get so upset when I find out that people have voted Tory that I have actually had to disown some acquaintances (I wouldn’t call them friends under any circumstances). Mind you don’t get me started on New Labour

Seven Things I Can Do:
1. Click my jaw and my fingers
2. Count to 31 on my hand when the thumb = 1, first finger = 2, middle finger = 4, ring finger = 8 and the little finger = 16. This is something my dad taught me and my brother to do one very boring day and it’s become a habit that I can’t stop doing when bored!
3. Knit badly
4. Sew reasonably well
5. Remember stupid pop facts that I read in Smash Hits when I was a little person.
6. Remember stupid indie facts that I read in NME or Melody Maker when I was a little older person
7. use random lines from Lee and Herring, Vic and Bob, Eddie Izzard, Bill Hicks or The Mighty Boosh routines to sum up any situation that I may find myself in (also well used to distract people from your naughty behaviour:

Boy/f *angry voice*: “why did you just do that?”

Boo *moon voice from Boosh*: “’cos I’m the moooon”

Boy/f *moon voice from Boosh*: “the full moon?”

Etc…

I allow you to admire my cunningness…)

Seven Things That Attract Me To….. Blogging:
1. I’ve always kept a diary and I’ve moved into the modern age, dudes
2. Visualised ranting (with pictures!)
3. I like the idea of clicking back and seeing how I was previously without raking through old storage boxes to find my diary from that period
4. I wanted to write a novel by the time I was 21 but I didn’t achieve that aim, so all of you must suffer my inane rants instead
5. eerrrh
6. errhh, ok, ok
7. My huge, glittery, rock star-like ego told me to do it.

Seven Things I Say Most Often:
1. ”Fuck off”
2. ”Fuck you”
3. ”No fucking way!”
4. ”You little shit”
5. ”To be fair…”
6. “Hello, [insert company name], how can I help you?”
7. ”No problem” (esp. when it clearly is a problem!)

Seven Books That I Love:
1. Lunar Park by Bret Easton Ellis
2. The Secret History by Donna Tartt
3. Anything by Philip Ridley - His kids books are fantastic, he truly is a Roald Dahl for the misunderstood generation. His grown up stuff is fantastic too (dirty reality mixed with beautiful, magical, fairy tales)
4. The Perfect Fool by Stewart Lee – a wonderful novel, laugh out loud funny and sob out loud sad.
5. Fuse: The Selected Work of Patrick Jones – despair, decay, the horrors of modern living and badly rhyming poetry – honestly, what more do you need from a book?
6. Self help – anything to try and make me into a better person because I know that I’m evil incarnate. I need these books to tell me that I eat too much, that I eat the ‘wrong’ foods, that I get too stressed, that I’m not creative enough, that my emotions are blocked, that the bullying I suffered as a child means that I can’t connect to people…Gillian McKeith, Julia Cameron et al you make my life not worth living.
7. Cook books with nice pictures, no Delia/Jamie/Nigella/etc I’m never going to get around to making that food but damned if you’re going to stop me buying your books and using them as torture implements/pornography (delete appropriate, according to mood and current diet limitations)

Seven Movies That I Watch Over and Over Again:
1. Rumblefish - slow moving, black and white except for the odd important colouring, beautiful, beautiful, please watch this film
2. Hairspray - Fat girl wins comp and fights racism alongside all the panache and joy of a John Walters film. Fantastic!
3. The Passion of Darkly Noon - Brendan Frazer all messed up, how yummy. Think of a really hot St Sebastian and you’re not even close!
4. Anything with Christopher Walken in - I mean anything – I’ve even watched the numerous rubbish films
5. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas - reminds me of many a night out
6. Cry Baby - beautiful 1950’s Johnny Depp with a tattooed tear, quiff and leather jacket…what can I say, we all have our weaknesses
7. Anything by Hayao Miyazaki - wonderful, bewitching coming of age stories to be enjoyed by kids and adults alike…

Seven People I’ll Try Passing This On To:
I doubt that 7 people read my blog!

During a bit of an ego moment I did a search on my name and look what I found!

National Kilburn Ballroom, London, Friday 11th Dec 1992
From: Teenage Suicide fanzine by Boudicca Lee Maloney

The first thing that hit me on the way to the concert was how friendly most Manic Street Preacher fans are. Not having ever been to the National Ballroom before, my friend and I were completely lost so we asked a lad for directions. He began to jump up and down and said "Oh great, you like the Manics. I'm going I'll take you there. Which one do you fancy?? etc".

We got there just as the Disco Assassins got on stage. No-one was very impressed with them. Next up were The Mouth. They were a lot better than the DA's both musically and performance wise.

When the Manics eventually came onstage the whole place went completely mad (thankfully, I didn't go down the front this time. I was determined to see them, not the back of some sweaty tall lad)

The whole show was amazing. The hilight being Nicky's rendition of 'I wanna be loved by you'. I suppose I'd better mention Nicky's controversial comment about Michael Stipe. Well it did piss me off even though I agree with the reasoning behind it because AIDS shouldn't be used as a way of getting publicity (even when it is bad) I know people who have lost lovers and friends through AIDS and others who just sit there watching loved ones die 'cos they can't do anything to save them. However, I'm sure Stipe isn't that upset about it and who else does it really affect, apart from the music press that is. No one. No one cares what other people say anymore. There's no real enjoyment from speech. Songs, however are different, they're so much more eloquent than the spoken word. I think that's enough of being serious, I'll get straight back to the review.

All of the band looked wonderful (not that you could see Sean, he was that far back) Richey was very glamorous in silver trousers and a netted top. James was in the usual white jeans and tee-shirt. Nicky had his pink shirt on with pictures of Marilyn plastered onto it and his black plastic trousers on.

The end song, Motown Junk was wonderful with Richey, James and Nicky really throwing themselves around. It was definitely the best I've seen them at for a while and I can't wait for the next tour - if they haven't split up by then, ha! ha!

Boudicca's editorial: Hello! Being only 15 years old I'm expected to be either into Take That or crap indie bands, but I hate them all and love the Manic Street Preachers. Not are they the only band that has really said anything to me in my lifetime, but they're the only intelligent band around. It was such a relief when I found that other people under 40 read the Beat Generation, William S Burroughs and other great writers and poets alike. So, in an effort to reach people I took this opportunity to produce a Manics fanzine as part of my GCSE in Media Studies. Special thanks to Fiona who helped me a lot.

My Goth past is a postive thing, hurrah!

I haven't been on the Manics Website for ages but after the weekend memories and Xfm Manchester interview, I had a quick look and found this on the top of the news section...I'm over excited!

"If September is your favourite month
If you love the sound of a typewriter
If you waste hours in stationary shops
If you watch BBC4
If you avoid crowds
If you adore the smell of fire
Then come join Nicky Wire's secret society"

Yes to all but BBC4 although I often wish I did have it...but we haven't even got the land line or internet sorted at the new home yet let alone sorting anything else out...

I had a lovely weekend in Hastings...we arrived around 9.30pm on Friday night and got driven up the hill to receive lovely, warming stew and dumplings served with red wine and hilarity. Admire mother's new nesting instinct - the study is cleared, painted beautifully and the biggest welsh dresser you have ever seen adorns one wall. The clutter of amusing, mis-matched crockery all over it. Dinner was followed by the new game in the Maloney household 'Therapy'. I've never played a game like it, no-one has learnt the rules yet so every move is followed by "is that group therapy or are you on my couch?". You have to pass the stages of life (Infancy, Childhood, adolescence, etc) by asking a variety of questions about yourself, the others around the board (some of which can cause offensive - who around this board was the ugliest baby?) and dubious questions about dubious studies from the 1900's! Lots of fun indeedy.

Saturday was spent pottering in the old town and new buying new things. We then met up with Mum and Lodger and went to all you can eat Chinese and stuffed ourselves silly. Lazy afternoon with Inspector Morse (weird teens taking drugs and rave episode - WTF!?) followed by lazy drooling over Cillian Murphy in 28 Days Later (much to the disgust of boyf who think he looks like a starving child...with girls eyes).

Lazy Sunday breakfast was followed by a drive to a new walking place, during the drive we found a tape that I had made for my dad with brit pop on one side and Manic Street Preachers b-sides and rarites on the other - the tape was covered in quotes from the songs and listening to it made me very happy indeed.

We stopped at Seven Sisters and Cuckmere Haven for a long stroll to the sea and back:


The stroll was followed by a well earned cream tea (3 scones and clotted cream!) in the cafe near the visitors centre. We took a different way back and drove past the Long Man of Wilmington:

We spent the drive back to Hastings discussing the different theories about the origins on the man...are the poles gates or dowsing sticks?

Return to London wasn't too bad and after the walk during the day I managed to get a good night sleep and was feeling pretty good when I woke up this morning. Positive vibes are all around...it's a good time to get myself sorted and back in the right direction. Emails will be sent, difficult people replied to, phone calls made and the gym beckons (there's the extra winter store of fat to be removed!)

The Lunch Club - Baron's Court Theatre

If you get the chance to go and see this play. Do. I went last night and it's really enjoyable (even though we did get lost in west London to get there!). It's laugh out loud, dark humour mixed with 'issues' arising from a racist attack. It discusses attitudes and prejudices but in an interesting, personal, non-preachy way. A really enjoyable evening.

It's also my friend Justin's first professional show as director, so go support him!

Clubbing on Friday night was lots of fun - I didn't leave the house until Sunday afternoon due to extreme hangover!

Main memories of the night:

• Sailor Jerry's rum
• Frank Sinatra glass collector looking down my corset at any time he could...
• Boy/f's wonderful knife thrower outfit
• Matthew's very dapper, shiny shirt
  
• Gary on nipple check with Damaris!
• Too drunk new friends that had to be escorted home before midnight
• Hels, Jess and I biting each others boobs (affectionately!)
• Flowers from Chris K and Matthew being left in the cloakroom and they were still perfect at the end of the night
• Missing bus stops due to fights with locals
• Oh my god, the hangover....

YAY, it's my birthday today (and I'm not finding it quite as hard as I though it might be). I've been convinced to invite friends around for birthday tea this evening and go clubbing on Friday; both should be fun. I've received a lovely silver charm braclet with a theatre mask charm from my mum:
I have to go and pick up my pressie from baby bro at one of my fave shops Bnevertoobusytobebeautiful. They are the grown up version of Lush and I often spend too much money on bits and bobs from there.

Not sure what I've got from the boy/f as we went shopping at the weekend and couldn't find anything suitably exciting (we did everywhere on Oxford St and in Camden).

Birthday tea should be fun - fairy cakes and real coffee make me very happy indeedy.

Gosh, I am a miserable bugger aren't I? Things, as they say, can only get better. I've stopped on the valium; I have resort to Nytol every now and then but sleep is getting easier (although my bedroom stinks of lavender and various nice smelly things!). The heartache of loosing my father is still with me everyday. It's difficult to listen to some music because I know that he'd love it (or hate it!). Feelings come over me in waves during the day, sat on tube, walking down the street, working on a boring work document...it's getting better though. These thought are not always negative anymore and even sometimes make me very happy and laugh out loud at the fantastic man that was my dad!

I managed to get a few days off work and spent some 'quality' time with my young man in Brighton. I also made moves to try and resolve some issues at work - sometimes speaking up and saying 'no' is a positive thing!

I'm still a bit delicate in social situations but have managed to have some fun - thank to the Fairy Uncle for the Liberace Suits; they went down a treat at my favourite new club. We're planning to go to celebrate my birthday in March too (circus this time - might go for the old favourite of 'show girls' and get the corset out).

I had lunch today with Jess which was great (esp after 3 hr workshop on VAT!). I got to see the engagement ring, very flash young lady. Now, I've just got to sort out the airfare to Las Vegas in September to go to the wedding - onward Valhallens!

Apart from that in September, I have very little planned over the summer. Work, I feel, will take over slightly for summer 2006...it's exciting but scary learning all these new things to do with event and production management and general office stuff!

Still not sleeping very well. I have some valium but don't really want to take it too often. I can't really cope though, my skin is itchy, my head in banging, my throat is sore, my temper is on the shortest fuse and I cry at the smallest thing, things that I could usually cope with without any problem. People keep telling me that I'm coping well with my grief but I don't feel like I am. I'm trying to keep afloat and do things that amuse me but it's quite difficult. There's things that I'd like to do this weekend but I'm so tired that I think that I'll just end up going home and trying to sleep and gather my strength for the endless and undoubtedly heavy-going work meetings next week.