I was at counselling last night and I realised that I'm still really angry about my dad dying. Angry at him for leaving me, angry at how we were dealt with at the hospital, angry that we didn't have longer with a sober dad, angry that we had so long with a drunk dad, just plain angry at everything it seems! It feels like it all hurts much more at the moment because the mist of numbness and shock is only just lifting and I'm getting back to 'normal' me. I'm also swinging from thinking that I'm being ridiculously self indulgent to feel this way to screaming inside that 'my dad's fucking dead, what the fuck am I going to do!'.

Just venting is all...

At least when I went to the counsellor she let me know that a lot of my reactions are perfectly normal reactions to the death of a close relation. Bloody hell, it's been almost 5 months of craziness, I just want to get through this year.

I'm glad that our office will be closed for all of December as it means that I don't have to be working on the 'anniversary', I really don't think that I could take that.