I'm not afraid to keep on living...
I do believe that I've had the MCR album playing on my headphones for a little too long - my life is becoming akin to a goth rock opera.
Friday, February 16, 2007
Seeing Foxes
Fox Symbolism - Cunning, provider, intelligence, magic, diplomacy, wildness.
My father was a 'Foxall'. During the time before and as he was dying my mother and I both saw a number of dead foxes. The universe is funny sometimes - it needs to give you a good old kick up the arse for you to be able to 'get' things.
Then last night, after my first Working on the Body session I stopped to see a huge dog fox in a garden. He was yards from me and just looked; and looked; and looked; and looked at me. I think I can take that as a good sign.
Fox Symbolism - Cunning, provider, intelligence, magic, diplomacy, wildness.
My father was a 'Foxall'. During the time before and as he was dying my mother and I both saw a number of dead foxes. The universe is funny sometimes - it needs to give you a good old kick up the arse for you to be able to 'get' things.
Then last night, after my first Working on the Body session I stopped to see a huge dog fox in a garden. He was yards from me and just looked; and looked; and looked; and looked at me. I think I can take that as a good sign.
Thinking about Dad.
The other day when I read about Anita Roddick having Hep C; I cried all the way home. I'm sad for her and what she and her family will undoubtedly have to go through but I'm also happy that Hep C will now get the attention it deserves. It's estimated that some 200 million people around the world have it and yet in the UK there is only one organisation that is there to support people suffering and their familes. If you do think about giving to charity please, please think about giving to Hepatitis C Trust
Even if you can't donate please sign their petition here to the Prime Minister to accept that the current public hepatitis C awareness campaign is not working and that the rate of diagnosis is nowhere near enough to prevent thousands of avoidable deaths.
The other day when I read about Anita Roddick having Hep C; I cried all the way home. I'm sad for her and what she and her family will undoubtedly have to go through but I'm also happy that Hep C will now get the attention it deserves. It's estimated that some 200 million people around the world have it and yet in the UK there is only one organisation that is there to support people suffering and their familes. If you do think about giving to charity please, please think about giving to Hepatitis C Trust
Even if you can't donate please sign their petition here to the Prime Minister to accept that the current public hepatitis C awareness campaign is not working and that the rate of diagnosis is nowhere near enough to prevent thousands of avoidable deaths.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Friday, February 09, 2007
Depression - a light at the end of the tunnel?
The seemingly endless depression that comes with cloudy and cold winter months is slowly but surely being abated by:
The seemingly endless depression that comes with cloudy and cold winter months is slowly but surely being abated by:
- Becoming the proud owner of tickets to all 3 London dates of Manic Street Preachers tour in May. OH...MY...GOD...who was I kidding when I said that they don't really matter to me anymore, I am so not over them at all...I almost cried for joy this morning when all my bookings went through.
- Beginning working of the body weekly sessions to address my fraught relationship with food.
- Losing 10lbs in 4 weeks on the Slimming World diet.
- Being joined in London by the lovely Julie (hurrah!) and starting walking evenings instead of joining a gym.
- Looking forward to Centreparcs in the first weekend of March (note to self: buy a new swimming costume).
- Actually looking forward to becoming 30...
- Crafting it up to max - you should see my new plastic bag holder and lavender bags!
- EBay craft shopping - leftover Cath Kidston fabric for me to play with? Yes please!
- EBay spends on CD's that I've denied myself for months.
- Making lovely dinners for friends
- Making, baking and creating in the kitchen - I've made some lovely spicy tom sauces that I'm very proud of.
- Planning the rest of my life with a wonderful young man that makes me extremely happy indeedy.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Monday, January 22, 2007
Improved Mood Boo...
Honestly, there's nothing like:
p.s. I was woken up the following day by being sniffed and told "ha ha, you is sweating whiskey!"
Honestly, there's nothing like:
- eating crap Chinese
- seeing sexy ballet
- drinking whiskey straight from the bottle on a tube train with your mates
- being refused entry for the nightclub we were going to
- jumping the q at a different nightclub and still having to wait 30 mins to get in
- catching up with the ratties and West Country boys
- dancing to early 90's/00's indie
- squeezing into a packed night bus
- falling into bed at 5.30am
p.s. I was woken up the following day by being sniffed and told "ha ha, you is sweating whiskey!"
Friday, January 19, 2007
Up and down.
Mostly a bad week (although lovely things have happened throughout too) - bloody busy what with the return of the boss and my desperate bid to clear my to do list so I'm free for the first couple of days to do his bidding! Depression has hit hard a few times - nothing in particular just 'the darkness'. One moment I want hibernation, a squirreling down into nothingness and then the next I'm drafting 3 page to do's about positive action and getting the creative juices flowing. What I'd really like is a equal, gentle balance rather than these extremes.
However...Lornie is in town and Hels is leaving for foreign grounds again so we're up for some good old fashioned rattie fun this weekend: food, visiting friends, food, Swan Lake and then off to HDIF dance floor fun.
Hip flasks at the ready ladies...
Mostly a bad week (although lovely things have happened throughout too) - bloody busy what with the return of the boss and my desperate bid to clear my to do list so I'm free for the first couple of days to do his bidding! Depression has hit hard a few times - nothing in particular just 'the darkness'. One moment I want hibernation, a squirreling down into nothingness and then the next I'm drafting 3 page to do's about positive action and getting the creative juices flowing. What I'd really like is a equal, gentle balance rather than these extremes.
However...Lornie is in town and Hels is leaving for foreign grounds again so we're up for some good old fashioned rattie fun this weekend: food, visiting friends, food, Swan Lake and then off to HDIF dance floor fun.
Hip flasks at the ready ladies...
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Twin Peaks and 5lbs
General aside: I lost 5lbs last week!
Due to Lucy's purchase from eBay of the TV show Twin Peaks in its entirety we have begun Twin Peaks nights at the Arther's. Rats descended after the babies had been put to sleep and after a general mates catch up we begin with episode 2 (the first season starts with episode 2 due to a pilot) and we remembered almost everything about the shows - we jumped when Bob appeared, I'm physically scared when wife beating Leo Johnson walks onto screen and swoon when Agent Dale Cooper states that he's served a good cherry pie and a "damn fine cup of coffee". I was transported back to 1991, being 14/5 years old and obsessed with this show. I used to sit next a girl in English class who seriously had the hots for 'Coop' and we discussed each episode in great detail following each showing. We shared a copy of The Secret Diary of Laura Palmer, which we also discussed in great detail. I remember at the time some people were saying how unbelievable the whole thing was but I think for teenage girls it totally rang true with everything we were going through at the time. Sex, drugs, despair and magick were constantly by my side and my good and evil side had a bloody battle every day*. Duality is part of how we grow into adulthood, how we make our choices, by exploring each side of ourselves we find the balance that we need to progress...good god, I love Twin Peaks.
*these things are still with me but to a lesser extent!
General aside: I lost 5lbs last week!
Due to Lucy's purchase from eBay of the TV show Twin Peaks in its entirety we have begun Twin Peaks nights at the Arther's. Rats descended after the babies had been put to sleep and after a general mates catch up we begin with episode 2 (the first season starts with episode 2 due to a pilot) and we remembered almost everything about the shows - we jumped when Bob appeared, I'm physically scared when wife beating Leo Johnson walks onto screen and swoon when Agent Dale Cooper states that he's served a good cherry pie and a "damn fine cup of coffee". I was transported back to 1991, being 14/5 years old and obsessed with this show. I used to sit next a girl in English class who seriously had the hots for 'Coop' and we discussed each episode in great detail following each showing. We shared a copy of The Secret Diary of Laura Palmer, which we also discussed in great detail. I remember at the time some people were saying how unbelievable the whole thing was but I think for teenage girls it totally rang true with everything we were going through at the time. Sex, drugs, despair and magick were constantly by my side and my good and evil side had a bloody battle every day*. Duality is part of how we grow into adulthood, how we make our choices, by exploring each side of ourselves we find the balance that we need to progress...good god, I love Twin Peaks.
*these things are still with me but to a lesser extent!
Friday, January 12, 2007
"When you cease to dream, you cease to live." - Malcolm Forbes
In an attempt to make changes my life I have:
Joined Slimming World (it seems to be the most sensible 'diet' I could find but I'm finding it difficult to rethink my eating...)
Started The Artists Way at Work again - I've done this 12 week process before but it was quite useful last time and I really do need to restart/relight my passion for my work again.
Actually taken my part time days off work and spent them catching up with Hels before she leaves for the foreign ground again and playing with Lucy and the kids at the Bow Ideas Store.
In an attempt to make changes my life I have:
Joined Slimming World (it seems to be the most sensible 'diet' I could find but I'm finding it difficult to rethink my eating...)
Started The Artists Way at Work again - I've done this 12 week process before but it was quite useful last time and I really do need to restart/relight my passion for my work again.
Actually taken my part time days off work and spent them catching up with Hels before she leaves for the foreign ground again and playing with Lucy and the kids at the Bow Ideas Store.
Friday, January 05, 2007
Magic Horse Brass*
I found a lovely horse brass in an office that was moving out of our building ages ago. I admired the brass with it's sun, moon and pentagram and put it into one of their boxes; not thinking anything about it since. Then yesterday, I discovered it twinkling in box of rubbish that was left next to our bins. The universe has gifted it to me - a good portend indeed.
*The original purpose was to bring good luck or to ward off the effects of the "evil eye". As superstition waned, they were used to show off the quality of horses.
I found a lovely horse brass in an office that was moving out of our building ages ago. I admired the brass with it's sun, moon and pentagram and put it into one of their boxes; not thinking anything about it since. Then yesterday, I discovered it twinkling in box of rubbish that was left next to our bins. The universe has gifted it to me - a good portend indeed.
*The original purpose was to bring good luck or to ward off the effects of the "evil eye". As superstition waned, they were used to show off the quality of horses.
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Into 2007
Welcome to the new year...this is the year that I turn 30 and I intend to make changes in my life. Unhappiness has been a constant theme in my life and it is about time it came to an end. I will often feel like I'm failing but I must carry on. I will put obstacles in my way but I must find ways of crossing them.
Plans are afoot to move out of London, to sort out my "career", to get healthy, to reduce my debts (my student payments only covered the interest on the student loan this year!) and to learn to bloody well enjoy life.
Welcome to the new year...this is the year that I turn 30 and I intend to make changes in my life. Unhappiness has been a constant theme in my life and it is about time it came to an end. I will often feel like I'm failing but I must carry on. I will put obstacles in my way but I must find ways of crossing them.
Plans are afoot to move out of London, to sort out my "career", to get healthy, to reduce my debts (my student payments only covered the interest on the student loan this year!) and to learn to bloody well enjoy life.
Friday, December 22, 2006
The Year in Review – 2006
Stolen from absolutely everyone...
Post the first line from the first post of each month for this past year.
Jan
Lunchtime distractions from the general realms of despair that are surrounding me include typing random words into search engines and linking to the websites they suggest.
Feb
Centre Parcs highlight (and lowlights)
March
YAY, it's my birthday today (and I'm not finding it quite as hard as I though it might be).
April
I don't often remember my dreams, possibly due to the weird religious/horror dreams I had when I was younger.
May
Wonderful weekend inHastings
June
I'm am currently in prozac withdrawal as I went to my doctor as I felt that I was still getting side effects from the prozac, he however thought that I needed a higher dose.
July
So I didn't get to see Nicky Wire but after a day in the heatwave sunshine at Europride and then watching the football and eating ice creams and drinking beer, I could barely move from Carla's bed let alone pull myself together to go to a gig!
August
How much fun is this?
September
I can't even begin to put into words how much this man means to me - he has influenced all that I am, fed into my dreams, my cultural and symbolic understanding of the world, I classify and communicate my experiences via the Manic Street Preachers.
October
Listening to Radio 4 yesterday "everyone has a mortgages". Eh, NO, no we don't David, that's why you will never be Prime Minister if I have anything to do with it....
November
Work is busy at the moment.
December
Running away to Egypt for 2 weeks - hurrah!
Stolen from absolutely everyone...
Post the first line from the first post of each month for this past year.
Jan
Lunchtime distractions from the general realms of despair that are surrounding me include typing random words into search engines and linking to the websites they suggest.
Feb
Centre Parcs highlight (and lowlights)
March
YAY, it's my birthday today (and I'm not finding it quite as hard as I though it might be).
April
I don't often remember my dreams, possibly due to the weird religious/horror dreams I had when I was younger.
May
Wonderful weekend in
June
I'm am currently in prozac withdrawal as I went to my doctor as I felt that I was still getting side effects from the prozac, he however thought that I needed a higher dose.
July
So I didn't get to see Nicky Wire but after a day in the heatwave sunshine at Europride and then watching the football and eating ice creams and drinking beer, I could barely move from Carla's bed let alone pull myself together to go to a gig!
August
How much fun is this?
September
I can't even begin to put into words how much this man means to me - he has influenced all that I am, fed into my dreams, my cultural and symbolic understanding of the world, I classify and communicate my experiences via the Manic Street Preachers.
October
Listening to Radio 4 yesterday "everyone has a mortgages". Eh, NO, no we don't David, that's why you will never be Prime Minister if I have anything to do with it....
November
Work is busy at the moment.
December
Running away to Egypt for 2 weeks - hurrah!
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Off 'Up North'
I'm about to drive off to Stockton for a two day work meeting and then I have two days to play in Newcastle - normal service will resume on Monday!
Here I come stottie cakes, wind swept coastal walks, a little bit of Xmas shopping and drinking with my mates and brother - it's cold up there, you have to drink to stop freezing to death...or at least, that's what I'm sticking to.
For the first time in ages I feel like I'm gannin hyem (check out this website for a translatation)
p.s. many thanks to those that have commented on the entry below!
I'm about to drive off to Stockton for a two day work meeting and then I have two days to play in Newcastle - normal service will resume on Monday!
Here I come stottie cakes, wind swept coastal walks, a little bit of Xmas shopping and drinking with my mates and brother - it's cold up there, you have to drink to stop freezing to death...or at least, that's what I'm sticking to.
For the first time in ages I feel like I'm gannin hyem (check out this website for a translatation)
p.s. many thanks to those that have commented on the entry below!
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Happy Birthday Blog!
Today is my blogs' 4 year blog-sphere anniversary. It's been great fun - a place to let off steam, to link to things that my friends would like on the ether, a stop-off shop for mememes; it's been miserable when I have, manic when I have, happy when I have and now I think it's time for a bit of an overhaul but before I do I'd like to collect a few happy birthdays.
Please leave a comment below to say happy birthday to it with your name and location - that includes any lurkers too!
Today is my blogs' 4 year blog-sphere anniversary. It's been great fun - a place to let off steam, to link to things that my friends would like on the ether, a stop-off shop for mememes; it's been miserable when I have, manic when I have, happy when I have and now I think it's time for a bit of an overhaul but before I do I'd like to collect a few happy birthdays.
Please leave a comment below to say happy birthday to it with your name and location - that includes any lurkers too!
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