Everyone should sign up to the Pick Me Up weekly newsletter. It's a newsletter where people share ideas, events, advice which will make you very happy. The most fun things so far are what happens when:

you dress up as air hostesses and give out tea on the Tube

you send a love letter to someone you barely know

you turn off your mobile for a day

you put on your own festival

Love, love, love it.

Highlights - randoming bumping into friends that you haven't seen for ages in the street and the gym. Only Darian would be having 5mins on a sunbed before work!

Another low light: finding out your father has Liver Cancer

There are options all of which are pretty fucking horrible:

• a liver transplant
• chemotherapy
• radiotherapy

Blurgh, all in all a pretty shit afternoon.

Lowlights = temper tantrums, endless rain, grey clouds, the damn cold, the inability to rise in the mornings, a boss with a short fuse, accounts, house hunting, lack of money to move house, grandparents, cirrhosis of the liver, black hair dye that just turns your roots a dark brown, not being able to hold my drink anymore, vomiting copiously, feeling odd because I have no real desire to travel the world (the wildest trips I'm planning next year are Sherwood Forest and Newcastle Upon Tyne)

Highlights = Egyptian perfume, porridge readymade by boyfriends, decaff coffee, bbc radio player (8hrs of comedy a day - although methinks the boyf is boring of Lee and Herring jokes now), thinking about how our new home is going to look (nesting instinct!), TGI Fridays 2 '4' 1's, having tickets for 5 differents shows in November, Helski determed to go swimming and go to the gym (the envy will only spur me on!), giggling with friends, being able to say no to nitrous balloons at a party at the weekend (yay me!), bumping into old crushes, discovering that I'd like to learn how to scuba dive (better start going to the gym and swimming!)

I spent some Saturday lost in epping forest with the boyf but we rewarded ourselves with a couple of pints and a pub dinner (it was meant to be lunch but y'know when there are NO map boards anywhere in the forest it takes a while to get out of it!). It was wonderful to walk through the forest and only bump into the odd cyclist, horse rider and 40 bikers by a road side cafe - I still haven't quite worked out what they were doing there.

Note to self: next time take a map and a bottle of water (and also perhaps Kendall mint cake)

During all the being lost, we also came to a pretty major decision - we're going to move in together. We were planning to wait until after xmas but circumstances are right at the moment. It means no longer living with my ladies and I'm really upset about it but it's time to grow up and leave the nest. We are however, planning to move within the area so I'm sure they'll be lots of visiting!

Another weird thing in my life at the moment is the fact that I have developed a love of english folk music (I'm currently sticking to the young good looking boys - Seth Lakeman and Jim Moray but I can feel the love for the music increasing which is fills me with a wonderfully creepy dread!) Wrong, wrong, wrong.

The darkness is all around...actually I'm beginning to pull myself together a little. The last few weeks however have been terrible. I tend to shut down when I'm depressed and do and say very little (apart from "I'm going to my room to watch CSI" - comfort zones are very important, aren't they?). I have too much on my plate at the minute but I made a ridiculous over the top meal last night (prawn satay as a starter for goodness sakes!) and that always makes me feel a bit better. Also all those CD's that I ordered on ebay are turing up, which is fantastic. Maximo Park, Seth Lakeman and Jim Moray are all sending shivers down my spine. The others are rocking my world (apart from the Futureheads, which makes my head hurt - bloody shouty Mackems!)

Tuesday blues have extended into full on miserableness. No matter what I do things go wrong at the moment and people around me seem to having a bad time of it too. Feeling very down but sitting at the parents surrounded by dogs and watching The Simpsons so beginning to feel a little better...Also I'm spending too much money on ebay CD's. So far I have brought:

Bravery - The Bravery
Hot Fuss - The Killers
A Certain Trigger - Maximo Park
Futureheads - The Futureheads
Antics - Interpol

and bidding on:

Happiness in Magazines - Graham Coxon
Kitty Jay - Seth Lakeman
Sweet England - Jim Moray
Odyssey - Fischerspooner
Howl - Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
Bang Bang Rock 'n' Roll - Art Brut

That should cheer me up!

Got the Tuesday blues like you wouldn't believe...Have you ever had one of those days where everything goes wrong, where you can't get through to anyone on the phone, your email buggers up, you can't fill out a basic VAT return, you have mega healthy snacks and lunch but still somehow remain hungry all day so go and ruin it all by eating crap on the way home, you can't do the IT homework because your computer's a cunt, you only have 2 weeks (and 3 units) to finish the IT course, you fail a basic bookkeeping entrance exam that you thought you had a good chance of passing, you piss of all you friends because you're a miserable cunt, you run a bath to try and cheer yourself up and there's no hot water, you sit in your room listen to miserable songs while the darkness descends around you, you consider running away from everything ("would anyone really notice" says the voice in your head)...I really had too much fun at the weekend methinks...Tuesday blues are awful...

What I did at the weekend:

Friday - my leaving do from the old job which was fun. Certain thank yous which meant a lot, a wonderful leaving speech from the nice boss, a bottle of champagne from the landlady and landlord (wonderful, wonderful people you all must go to The City Darts in Aldgate East - they are perfect!), going to the Pleasure Unit and no-one was there, more champagne, taxis home, lots of laughing!

Saturday - we went to a circus themed club in Bethnal Green Working Mens Club run by Oh my God! I miss you. We got all dressed up as show girls, it totally rocked.

Check out Jessies site for more pictures!

Other things that happened in the age since I last posted:

Jessie went to desert and came back all hippie (trying to steal my crown young lady! No really it's actually really refreshing being around someone actually trying to be positive about things, makes a difference from the darkness in my head today!)

I started my new job - too early I think to say much more about it. I'm getting settled in, trying to get used to how quiet it is working alone in an office some of the time (so different from the last place with 18 staff and millions of participants to deal with!).

Attempting to loose weight yet again (mainly need to sort my health out!). Carla has suggested Weight Watchers but I don't know if I could bring myself to pay to be humiliated (sorry weighed in front of other people!)

Endless bickering and making up with the boyf

Sea kayaking (in a wet suit goddamn!)

My whole family had food poisioning for 6 days because of the place that I took them to for lunch!

Festival season over and done with. I'm too old for that shit anymore, it's just not fun to work for that long if you don't get to enjoy breaks and go and see the bands!

Note to Carla: I promise I won't leave it so long to update next time!

Once again I don't write anything for ages...lots has been happening though. I've got a new job which I'm really looking forward to. It's working for a guy whose just set up a festival and event production company; so a lot of it is setting up new systems. I really feel like I'm going to be challenged in a good way. Also I gonna have to start a bookkeeping course in January and doing a VAT course asap to get up to scratch on that front!

Other news:

Carla got 3rd degree burns at Glasto and hid for weeks but she's back on the circuit again demanding that we drink too much and have load of fun in inappropriate place (The Hilton for one!) Hurrah, hurrah, we love Carla!

Lornie and Yam (the boyf) are holidaying in Greece but she forgot her very important anti-biotics and so had to have me emergency mail them to her hotel!

Jess is almost in the US of A to work at Burning Man, we've had her goodbye from work party, her goodbye from friends party and next week we'll be having the goodbye from the house meal!

Richie is going to Edinburgh with a huge amount of shows - we wish him huge amounts for luck and good fortune - that boy is going to go far...

Helen has become a social butterfly, out every night having lots of fun and waking up every morning with the same statement "I'm so late for work, they are definitely going to sack me this time".

I've had my bag nicked with everything I own in it (trust me to keep a huge sack with me at all times!). Cards, phones, etc have had to be canx. Boring!

Stuff I've done:

Early July

Went to loads of shows at the National Theatre's Connections Festival. Fantastic, those young people really blew some 'professional' actors off the stage!

24th July
Lovebox, Victoria Park

Jess and I managed to get 4 comps tickets from our local community centre and then found out that our festival mates were working it and managed to get a few more tickets. Hel, Jess, Josh, Joe and Reece (who managed to get renamed Trixi at Jess' party!) and partied in the Lost Vaugeness arena.

27th July
Edinburgh preview double bill at Chelsea Theatre:

Bill Hicks: Slight Return and Confessions Of A Jingle Writer

The Bill Hicks thing was amazing, it took a while to remove myself from the "but it's NOT really Bill Hicks" thoughts but once I'd let go and allowed myself to enjoy it...he did it as Hicks coming down from Heaven to talk to us. The set was a mix of old Hicks routines and new jokes about American Idol, Coldplay, Live 8, Bush, Iraq, London bombers, Dennis Leary...all in all very funny and with a serious bit at the end. Go and change the world because I can't anymore theme!

Confessions Of A Jingle Writer was ok, quite funny in places but Tom was just too nervous. Lots of stammering, repeating and not enough content...it took over an hour to tell a story that could have been done in half that time. Also a bit too much of a Dave Gorman "it's my life funny" feel to it!

It's...too...hot...

The ladies went off to Glasto this morning. I really wish that I was with them. Work is too hot and bothersome to cope with. Life is too hot and bothersome to cope with...

I'm looking forward to the weekend though. Dash and Jan are visiting. I'm seeing Patti Smith perform Horses on Saturday night. I intend to eat, sleep and avoid the sun and very little else.

The desks are in but we didn't leave until around 11.30pm last night...the computers went in this morning and IT peeps checked them all and made all but two work (they need some extra bits which are now on order!). Telephones will go in on Wednesday and I'm now going home to rest...the cough is worse, earache is constant and my eyelids are heavy with sleep. I'm going back to bed!

So, here I am at work on an early Saturday morning - cold and flu lemsiping it to the max and trying not to cough on the builders! Hopefully the desks will be in by this afternoon and I can get the first layer of paint done this evening. Then tomorrow will be spent doing a couple more layers and then doing a matt varnish on them (boy/f is helping for the price of a slap up lunch, bless him). Monday will be taken up with IT and telephone guys (my savior's!) and then the new office will be finished. There's bound to be complaints from some staff...I'm really not cut out for this office manager lark. I like to organise things (ok, ok I love to organise things*) but the rest of it...aarrrgggghhhhh!

*as a child I converted my Barbie dream home into a book case and the books were in alphabetical order

The weekend was amazing - a whirlwind of no sleep, alcohol, mushrooms and behaving like a twat. Fantastic fun! I had to see The Bravery - thanks to Carla for carrying the gibbering mess that was me back to the stall afterwards! Missed everyone else due to having fun on the stalls and generally holding Lornie up and keeping her from biting punters.

We got back around 9.30am on Sunday morning and I then slept most of the day. Jessie, Hels and I then order the nicest Chinese take away that I have ever had and watched Batman and Robin (which is rubbish - I knew there was a reason why I hadn't seen it before!). Monday off work was lovely - loads of time to chill and recover fully (and spend some extra special times with my boyf).

Back to work on Tuesday and back to the horror that is work at the moment. I've taken over as an office manager but unfortunately I don't have any real experience of the computer side of things...I'm having a short, very sharp introduction to servers and I really don't like them. I really don't like the attitude of some people in the office either - certain people have been making what feels like personal attacks on me because things aren't working well. I don't actually have control over the drains, the water supply or the electricity supply you fucking idiots! I haven't gone out of my way to cut the water/electricity off in the whole of east London to fuck you up, have I? I'm really not sure what to do about it - in other areas of my life I'd say that I'm a pretty strong, self assured woman but the minute I'm in this office I feel like I can't say or do anything right...

Sam from The Bravery - wrong, wrong, wrong 

Good things about my life:

• Me and boyf being back on track - things are good at the moment
• Frappuccino Light (yummy, esp on hot days like today)
• Festival season starting (I've done One Big Weekend in Sunderland where it hailed for two days solid!)
• Spending a whole weekend with my baby bro for the first time in ages at foresaid festival
• Homelands this weekend with all the girls for Lornie's birthday
• Buying loads of theatre tickets and treating myself to Artist's Dates
• The new and worrying crush I have developed on Sam from The Bravery - see picture above!

Bad things about my life:

• Getting a bizarre, burning reaction on my hands two weeks ago. Woke up with a rash that developed into blisters and vomiting, it's still here and I look like some burns victim
• Being generally disrespected (and shouted at, in front of everyone else in the office) at work
• Crying at work because of the shouting
• Not being brave enough to tell them to shove their fucking job up their asses
• New glasses that hurt my eyes
• The general darkness that is all around - what the fuck am I doing...etc...

Ok, basically I don't post when I'm having a really crap time in my life and as I've been having the whole "oh my god, what the fuck am I doing with my life" thing, I didn't think that you'd be interested. I mean, jesus, I've bored myself stupid over the last 6 weeks.

Fun things from the last 6 weeks:

Went to see Stoning Mary at the Royal Court - really, really good. The repeating of words works really well. I loved the arguments with the voices in their heads made visible to us... Poetic, fast-paced, beautiful. I liked the way they were individual stories but all linked. Literally tears in my eyes at the end - really powerful imagery - I especially liked the blue stone (little things like that always stick with me for some reason...). The writer has been talking about the fact that the stories are based in Africa but transposed to the UK and how we 'don't get it'. To be fair we (the 'west') don't have any real concept of fighting over a AIDS prescription, child soldiers or being stoned to death so it's natural for us to repond to the relationships because that's what we know...

Went to see the Manic Street Preachers at Hammersmith Apollo (or whatever it's called these days!). I really didn't want to but y'know what bugger it, I love 'em! I'm really fucking love 'em - I don't give a shit that they're old and a bit boring these days, I mean I'm old and boring too. I'm not the angry 14 year old that used to shout their lyrics while swigging on vodka and smoking fags and lusting after Nicky Wire...oh, wait I still do that bit...(my truth is that I went for a meal before the gig and was drinking white wine!)

Less fun things from the last 6 weeks

I asked my boyf if he'd like to move in with me in a few months...but for gods sake I can't spend more than a weekend with him and not want to kill him at some point - I'm taking this growing up thing rather too seriously...

I changed my doctor and I'm finally getting treated well. I get really bad periods and I mean really bad. I vomit, I blackout with the pain, I stab random people on the street for looking at me funny (alright, I haven't actually done the last one but I certainly would like to!). My new doctor has changed my medication and is sending me for a scan.

I got promoted, YAY! But I haven't been coping too well as I really have no idea about computers and/or IT. I've been able to blag it before but I couldn't this time. I actually had to ask for...help...yuck!

Things have been a little crazy of late...starting with the wildness of the recent party. I mainly argued with people for the sake of it and got generally annoyed with other people…apparently I was lots of fun but I kinda started thinking about my level of drinking. I mean I do like a drink. In fact, I’m known for liking a drink but it’s beginning to get out of control. If I don’t remember the night before and I literally vomit for 2 day after, then it’s no longer any fun, is it? Here starts the beginning of me trying to be ‘controlled’ in my drinking…


…until Saturday maybe…’cos you can’t do ‘Scope sober…

…no, right this time I really mean it… etc…etc…

Vote for a later tube on Friday and Saturday nights here - lets drag this city into the modern age!

Party update here - I still feel a little bit sick!

Yay! I had to get up early this morning and start off one of our training courses at work...came home shattered to a dozen red roses! Hurrah!

We're currently getting the house ready for our party this evening - I'm a little over excited.

I'll update on the goings on tomorrow!!!