Went for a quiet drink last night with boy/f ended up at a Shoreditch art exhibition with a free bar...*vomits* *drinks 3 pints of water* *cries* "why, why, why???"

Suddenly, I have nothing much to do this afternoon...work "to do" list depends on other people getting back to me.

I wrote up a project timetable for all our training courses and then added everything to my task list in outlook express - booked till mid-march! I'm gonna start helping with applications to trusts/foundations and general marketing for the next few months because our fundraiser is leaving next week.

Actually went out on my bike last night - rode around for 45 mins or so - really good fun but the bike does need sorting (it kept making crunching noises!)

Have got SINGALONGA ROCKY HORROR at the Prince Charles Cinema tomorrow (which I'm still not sure I'm going to enjoy but it is free and I'm going with Richie and S&M Chris, so might be ok - I'll let you know)

Got on the guest list for 'Scope this Saturday with boyf and the house rats are coming too. Should be fun!

I hate the January blues...must get myself out of this hole, can't get out of bed, can't be arsed to walk to work, can't be arsed to go out clubbing, "I'm knackered", can't arsed to read any books (I have many currently by my bed...waiting...), I was so tired last night I was horrible to one of my housemates (just because I was being over sensitive!), can't revise...

Trying everything to get out of it - decided to start a new course - but everything that I want to do is during the day or on evenings where I have other things planned already. Invited an old school friend around for dinner last night - who I haven't seen for ages - but we spent the night yawning and curled up on my sofa (very enjoyable but when you think that we used to drink cheap, white cider together and dance for hours and hours!).

Tonight I wanted an early night...say 7pm? but Child of Our Time is on (which is fantastically interesting) and Shameless (which is a fantasic flashback to my childhood...that's a joke, daddy, as me and baby bro always woke you up before taking money from your pockets!!!)

Although, of course as a feminist I do agree with him but as a post-modern feminist, I feel that although I have the right to be an independent, self sufficient women with no need for love or a man; I can still demand the right to be a proper girly girl and I need to be told that my man loves and adores me!

So this year I decide - no resolutions 'cos they never work but instead I try to think about aims for the whole of the year but..*yawn*...they end up pretty much the same as those resolutions that I break every year...loose weight...stop biting nails...work harder...spend more time with friends...etc.

January blues are on me with a vengeance...

Plus my boy/f (who is wonderful in every way except one) -refuses to tell me he's in love with me...he agrees that yes, he has all the feelings that suggest he is in love with me but no, he won't say it because it doesn't really mean anything - love isn't a real concept apparently! Fuckwit...

Well xmas and new year have been and gone...very enjoyable time indeed but with no internet access sorted at the new place I haven't been able to update.

An advance from work made it a little easier to buy presents since I found out that pom-poms are great but don't suit all tastes!

My family were staying at mine - mum, dad, little bro and Jess and her boy/f Shaz were staying in London due to work commitments (note to self: never work in a Church over xmas!)

We had xmas dinner on xmas eve to reduce stress on the day - halal meat and loads of veg - really fantastic meal. My first, may I add...

Xmas day was very lazy...present opening didn't start until past 2pm..I got a few interesting books, some smellies, etc - no big present as I've been promised an creative zen jukebox MP3 player for my birthday in March (YAY!).

Jessie's mum and step-dad arrived in the evening for more presents and a buffet - um, more food.

The family were meant to be going to friends for boxing day lunch but they have, in true xmas fashion, split up...

So, we stayed in a watched the selection of DVDs that had been bought over (the house got a DVD player for xmas from Miss Carla Parr - hurrah!) and my present to the house was joining an online DVD club.

New year was quite a quite one for us - just a gang of us at the local pub - very enjoyable...but I had my first proper argument with the boy/f which seemed horrific until the morning when I found out that Jess and Shaz had actually split up (back together now - giving it another go).

Jess stayed in bed for two days with a major bout of vomiting and tummy bugness but got up for her birthday on 2nd - we had a lovely dinner for her and I made yummy cakes!

Since new years eve, our friend Courtney had been staying at our house...uninvited...he walked into my room without knocking on numerous occasions...leading to some embarrassment...told everyone he thought that he was schizophrenic (Attention Deficit Disorder more like) and then he came into my room (after 4 days and nights with us) when he'd been in the bathroom for over an hour, when I needed a shower...and told me he wanted labels for put on all his stuff so we wouldn't use it 'cos he was gonna leave it all at our house...I flipped...to say the least...but of course, he thinks that I'm in the wrong - nightmare!

January 7th - boy/f birthday - first chance for me to meet his friends (I know his best friend already 'cos he went out with house rat Lorna). We all went for beer, tapas and then more beer. Guess what, one of his friends? hates me! She sat saying nothing and glaring (or at least that's what it felt like!)

Back to work with a vengeance...but I did get to go to the premier of Cirque Du Soleil's Dralion last night - good show, best I've seen from them so far...much more comedy based and taking the piss out of themselves...we then went to the aftershow party at the Natural History Museum. Too busy really, but quite fun and I managed to get in a few glasses of champagne! Did a bit of C-list celeb watching...oohh, Michelle Collins! Also bumped into too many Ticketmaster people! (I am ex-Ticketmaster (mistress?); see I have done my time in hellish call centres!)

Failed to keep so many resolutions already - I've been late for work, bitten my nails, eaten fatty foods, drunk too much...not managed to save any money...blurg...yay, 2004!

I have no money for xmas therefore I'm making friends xmas pom-poms!

I'm sure they will love 'em with all their hearts

"Libertines, I love you...Libertines, I do".

Taken from Darian

Instructions:
1. Copy this whole list into your journal.
2. Bold the things that you have in common with me.
3. Whatever you don't bold, replace with things about you.


01. I like to travel but the waiting in-between getting there is a chore I could live without.
02. I love long, warm autumn days
03. I'd like to write fiction.
04. I think vegetables are ever so yummy
05. I like writing in coloured pens.
06. I don't like the current US Administration
07. I love where I live but I wish I owned my own place.
08. I want to learn a language (not French though).
09. I love wandering around the old back streets in Soho.
10. I love dancing in the kitchen living room on my own.
11. I want to meet Peter Jackson.
12. I want to go to everywhere in the world from my armchair!
13. I have a great interest in my bicycle but I don't have the willpower or motivation to get on it.
14. I don't want people to hate me.
15. Some music makes me sad
16. I have a preference for British guitar music over American.
17. I wish I were more social
18. I LOVE warm socks.
19. I'm a total geek
20. I like getting things in the mail.
21. I'd like to think that I'd weaned myself off of my shite women's magazine addiction but I can't pass a copy of Glamour/Marie Claire/etc without having a peek.
22. I love the idea of being in love but the actual feeling is weird and almost unbearable sometimes...it takes my breathe away how much I'm in love with that certain someone.
23. I love sunshine and breeze.
24. I love to smell nice - my greatest weakness is bath potions and lotions.
25. I'm obsessive about checking my email
26. I like different kinds of music
27. I have one brother
28. I wear silver, not gold
29. I do like a bit of bling bling however.
30. I get stressed a lot
31. I like being alone
32. I like the idea of driving a fast convertible car with the roof down, knowing that I can't and may never drive (the world does not need a scatty Boo on the road!)
33. I hate loosing; this has led to my family and close friends refusing to place any board game with me at all (except Backgammon which I rock at and win anyway!)
34. I love my friends.
35. I take showers and baths (umm, power shower and long, hot, nice smelling baths)
36. I'm only now just realising I'm a grammar Nazi! (as I correct all the i's to I's etc)
37. I love being surrounded by those who genuinely care
38. I am selfish, to a degree.
39. I have a few friends who I am closest to.
40. I love sleeping
41. I spend too much money
42. I'm addicted to the net
43. I really shouldn't spend so much time filling out these things while I have a massive 'TO DO' list at work!
44. I love a tall, skinny latte with a cinnamon or hazelnut shot but can't buy due to my hatred of St****cks and Co***e Re*****c).
45. I want to leave a mark (I want a trust or foundation named after me when I die to support people wishing to get into arts administration - aiming low, I say)
46. I love Missy Elliott's music.
47. My place is usually spick and span! (although I have just moved so everything is still in boxes or flung across my floor)
48. I love the city
49. I used to play the flute/bass/recorder but my laziness stopped me from ever learning properly (although my dad shouting upstairs "shut that fucking racket up" may have also have an effect!!!).
50. I have a love hate relationship with vertigo. I love the thrill but I hate the fear (which is the same thing)
51. I don't think enough.
52. I love Indian food.
53. I love storms.
54. I have more than one best friend, if only because I don't know what other word to use than 'best friend'.
55. I love cooking.
56. I can't seem to get away sometimes
57. I hate jealousy (but it is one of my worst traits)
58. People very often mistake my patience for boredom.
59. I like when my friends write me letters, it makes me feel special.
60. I'm shy with big groups but very extrovert one on one.
61. I love hugs
62. I love kissing
63. I'm looking forward to pottering around in my garden.
64. I am lazy
65. I like being sarcastic
66. Only my lover or very close friends can touch my hair, I get freaked out if others do (and they do quite often - strangers like to 'ping' my curls)
67. I don't like organised religion.
68. I think belief should be personal and private.
69. Sometimes I don't know why my friends like me
70. I believe in therapy to certain degree...shopping and chatting to friends can be counted a therapy in my books.
71. I dream in paranoia...
72. People who don't know me think I'm reserved
73. I love reading
74. My computer is slowly dying on me but it saw me through uni, a break up and many a move so bless it.
75. I wish I were thinner.
76. I laugh a lot
77. I like peanut butter and jam on toast.
78. I have faith in myself and others (most of the time)
79. I'm an ass woman.
80. I have friends that I love but don't trust.
81. I have a fetish for twin sets and pearls.
82. I like functional clothing that is a bit different from normal.
83. I no that I cannnttt sppel + it annoeis me cos my mum + dad r englise teechers + lik to do srbble games and kroswordes...
84. I don't idolise anyone, even my heroes.
85. I like being a child in an adult’s body.
86. I hate to sing, because I sound awful (I went to drama college as well surrounded by singers who sat around pianos and did west end tunes!)
87. I wish I knew what I wanted to do.
88. I haven't told everyone the whole truth about a lot of things.
89. I do get lonely but sometimes I like it.
90. There are people I trust more than others
91. I wish…(secret or it won’t come true)
92. I like making things, just for the joy of making things.
93. I like things that make me feel emotions
94. In hindsight I didn't like university much although I enjoyed it whilst I was there.
95. I lack motivation
96. I am extremely stubborn sometimes, just for the hell of it.
97. I really need to get with the technical jargon.
98. I want to see the aurora borealis
99. I'm very sentimental indeed, I have those notes/letters etc that you pass to each other in class...most people are happy to leave that sort of thing behind.
100. I want someone else to be the better person for once.

Crikey what a busy couple of weeks!

I've moved (with the whole gang) - absolute madness, moving everything is the house...packing during the weekend and getting a van from work for a few hours on the Monday - with the help of mine and Jessie's boy/fs (the sweethearts!)

Work hectic as always..tour's ending, rehearsals starting, endless meetings!

Majorly worrying 'bout xmas - lack of funds, lack of present ideas etc...

Sure it will all be fine...

Anyway, Suede gig tonight - hurrah!

General Update:

Friday 21st - went to see 'The Trouble With Richard'. It's a Shape and Graeae co-production for schools (Key Stage 3 so 11 -14 yr olds). It focuses on 13 yr old disabled student Richard and his move to mainstream school. It was a Forum Theatre piece (which is what the company I work for does) but they worked it in a different way to us...it was quite set and ridged, with not much room for experiementation...it was ok but not enough 'freedom' to make changes in Richard's life.

In the evening I went to Photoforum at Four Corners (part of Photomonth) with my young man. There wasn't particularly one photographer that stood out...at all...quite boring.

Raining all weekend, so I stayed in.

Currently, the house are all going to move (hopefully staying together and staying in the area) so I'm majorly scatty and unsettled. I find moving really difficult because I spent most of my childhood moving every couple of years or so and now like to be settled - I'm it'll all be ok though (hopefully)

Just reading through the website for the Virtual March info linked through from Little Miss Bitch's website and found the great resource Ask Aristotle - very useful and interesting indeedy...

This is a great article! I particulary like the bit about "I thought that he'd got a hobby"!!! Nutters, you gotta love 'um or they might bite.

Once again, it's been ages since I wrote anything (you can always tell when I'm busy at work!)

Training week went well, although massively knackered the next day, post-Manchester.

Went to see Madame Bovary on Friday 7th at Lyric, Hammersmith with my young man and Chris K and his young man. Interesting production, some wonderful visuals (esp. during Opera infidelity scene!) but all in all a bit boring as you don't really feel for any of the characters (yes, Emma's oppressed but she really does treat he husband like shit...).

Went to Hastings for Sunday, Monday and Tuesday. Sunday, the train only went as far as Battle so I had to be picked up by post-clubbing/xtc parents. Monday morning I did my mother's filing (having forced her to buy a filing cabinet some weeks ago). The afternoon was spent watching the open dress rehearsal of her new production. Really good fun, they are trying to move towards a Forum Theatre piece so the audience had a very interesting discussion at the end of the show about alcohol, support coming off the streets, post-prison information.

In the evening I attended a 'magical gathering'. I went along with Jan, Lee (Mum and Dad) and Fiona (family friend). The gathering was due to the lunar eclipse and a Grand Sextile in the sky. I'll be honest; I went in with a pretty closed mind. I've done plenty of spells, meditation etc. but have preferred to do things along on the whole. However, getting past the major crystal overload (felt seasick for a lot of the first 20 mins or so) I really got quite into it...and when Paddy started drumming I got all sorts of visuals. A wonderful kestrel at first standing on a fence and then hovering in the sky. I then started to go deep into the earth - actually feeling and smelling that dark, dusky, earthiness. Amazing.

On Tuesday my young man came down for the day...we pottered around the old town, ate fish and chips at the Mermaid, wandered by the sea, drank some beer in the FILO and then came home and collapsed.

Since then I have been relaxing at home!

Clubbing tomorrow night (After Skool methinks). Should be fun.

Went to see Hot Hot Heat last night - very rare to find a band that sound better live than on their records...very good fun (although couldn't go clubbing due to lack of funds and my newly found "old lady" syndrome*)

And also *breathe* *breathe* managed to get tickets for the Libertines Forum date in December (when there was only 30 something left for the upstairs bit!). Hurrah, hurrah!

Work side, gotta go to Manchester on Monday for the start of our training courses...wasn't expecting to go...don't want to go...have to go...blurg, means I won't get a full weekends worth full of lovin'...not bloody fair.

*Mustn't go out due to work, I'll feel tired tomorrow...busy, busy, busy...gotta get home to bed, mustn't drink too much - I'll feel awful etc, etc..

Plus, YAY blogger is back to normal!!!

So who saw that programme last night 'Does Prayer Work?'. It was about the Mantra Study in the US held over 3 years in 9 hospitals. The study took 750 people undergoing major heart surgery and 12 prayer groups prayed for 50% of them (double blinded the participants and the doctors didn't know who was being prayer for). Their health was monitored 6mths after their surgery.

The 12 prayer groups chosen included Christian mothers, a Buddhist group, an Islamic group (Sufi's in fact), Jews and a lone Christian.

The resulting stats on 5th September 2003, measured no significant difference between the health of the group prayed for and the group that were not BUT during the experiment another level of prayers were added in that another 12 prayer groups prayed for the original groups...this made a difference to the health of the participant 'double' prayed for!

Another finding of the study was that the use of MIT (music, imagery and touch therapy) reduced patient distress significantly but gave no long-term medical benefit (and in fact may have reduced the patients chance of survival).

The most interesting thing about the study was the reaction of the groups to each other and also the effect of September 11th.

The Christian Mother's and a Christian preacher were the most bigoted bunch of bastards! The preacher wanted religions assessed as to their effectiveness and the mother's disregarded any prayers but the Christian ones.

One man however said, "prayer is prayer - it's not the words, it is the intention and sincerity of the person reciting the prayers" and that prayer was "connecting to and using the divine energy, the life force". A wonderful, positive person.

After September 11th enrolment for study dropped dramatically...people didn't want Muslims praying for them...

Then I watched 'Lock Up Your Sons'. Teenage boys fighting...upsetting and also very funny...twats.

I'd just got used to the change in blogger and then they damn well go and change it again...but this time, it's a little less high tech and seems like I'm a kid again: Create new post? "PRESS THE NEW LARGE BRIGHT BUTTONS", "I'VE GOT WHAT I DO IN A LARGE, CLEAR FONT SO YOU CAN SEE ME".

Oh my oh my, I *heart* Carl and Pete

HA HA!