Jan Maloney
17/08/52 - 07/07/08

I have no words to even begin to describe the feelings that I'm having at the moment.

Waiting...

I wash your swollen feet with Glastonbury chalice water, I watch your heartbeat shaking your body, I bite my lip to keep myself connected to the earth, I clean your house as if you're coming home although I know you won't, I try and eat well, I try and remember to breathe. Your son and I, your daughter watch friends pass through whispering their goodbyes, we sit and wait, we sit and wait.

ACE are a damaged organisation

Guardian blog here. As usual with the blogs the comments are the most interesting thing...

8 miles in 1 hour & 40 mins! Thanks for all your sponsorship. You'll be glad to know it's being put to use immediately as Jan moved in with us on Friday and has already starting using the Hospicare service.

This here cheered me up a little bit but not much...

"This is 29, Acacia Road. And this is Eric, the schoolboy who leads an exciting double life. For when Eric eats a banana, an amazing transformation occurs. Eric is Bananaman. Ever alert for the call to action."

"He's the greatest,
He's fantastic,
Wherever there is danger he'll be there!
Hes the ace,
He's amazing,
He's the strongest, he's the quickest, he's the best!
Dangermouse,
Dangermouse,
Dangermouse!"

I...can't...take...any...more...bad...news....

Ongoing Life Saga

A funeral and a wedding - all in one week. I'm very tired.

8 Mile Midnight Walk

I'm raising funds for Hospiscare please visit here to donate if you can.

Doris

I remember you coming back to live in London and dancing me around the front room.

I remember when you caught me smoking you made me sit on a stool in the shop and smoke the rest of your B&H.

I remember you laughing because I was so scared of the eels in the fish shop down the road.

I remember you buying me the biggest ice cream I've ever seen when we went on holiday.

I remember Grandad, Dash and me hiding those morning choc ices from you.

As you said to me on recent occasions in pure understatement; your dying yesterday is a bit of blow.

The Creation

Yesterday, I listened to the rehearsals of Haydn's The Creation in Sheffield Cathedral. For those of you who like to know about these things it was the Sheffield Oratorio Chorus and the South Yorkshire Symphony Orchestra conducted by Alan Eost.

Soprano, Elizabeth Watts
Tenor, Joseph Cornwall
Bass, Paul Carey-Jones

Rather enjoyable.

Let me die a young man's death
Roger McGough 1937-

Let me die a young man's death
not a clean and inbetween
the sheets holywater death
not a famous-last-words
peaceful out of breath death

When I'm 73
and in constant good tumour
may I be mown down at dawn
by a bright red sports car
on my way home
from an allnight party

Or when I'm 91
with silver hair
and sitting in a barber's chair
may rival gangsters
with hamfisted tommyguns
burst in and give me a short back and insides

Or when I'm 104
and banned from the Cavern
may my mistress
catching me in bed with her daughter
and fearing for her son
cut me up into little pieces
and throw away every piece but one

Let me die a young man's death
not a free from sin tiptoe in
candle wax and waning death
not a curtains drawn by angels borne
'what a nice way to go' death

Word of the Day

conniption - a fit of violent emotion, such as anger or panic.

(and then I sicked it up...evil bad...)

Of Late...

...you may have noticed that I rarely update on personal things. There are numerous factors for this but what's generally going on is this:

Downs
Cancer, Jan's been going through 26 weeks of chemotherapy. It's been very difficult for us all, we're not sure if it's working well enough, it may have spread again but to the bones this time. She'll be scanned soon but until then I hold my breathe and try not to cry.

Ups
Loving my job/s - agency work is really interesting and the freelance stuff is great.
Making new friends in Exeter.
Buying a different house to the previous one I wrote about - we're actually talking about exchanging contracts soon so fingers crossed.
The lovely Joe, keeping me sane and down to earth.

(Creative) Producer

A fantastic debate has just begun on The Guardian blogs:

Lyn Gardner here
Laura Baggaley here

A great Monday inspiring quote to keep me going:

"creative producers are potentially artists' best allies as they combine a highly developed aesthetic with the kind of resourceful, tenacious and innovative behaviour that theatre desperately needs if it is to thrive and flourish." Lyn Gardner

Jolly interesting...plus today a previous favourite tutor of mine suggested that I do a project based producing MA.

Curate your own festival

Guardian blog here.

Some friends of mine are currently hovering between 3rd (which means yes) and 4th (which means no) for My Fierce Festival. The show is 'Playing The Victim'. If it takes your fancy please vote for it...If not, just vote as it's such an interesting idea.

Website for My Fierce Festival here.

SQUEE...Christmas Cranford

Sometimes, I feel so bloody old.

Kevin Spacey attacks BBC Talent Shows

While supping coffee and eating muesli this really cheered me up this morning.

The Stage article here.

The Guardian article here.

"I felt that was essentially a 13-week promotion for a musical - where's our 13-week programme?"

Arts Taskforce

Today I will be mainly reading the "A New Landscape For The Arts"

The taskforce is an independent body and has been set up by the Conservatives to consider arts policy ahead of the next general election.