Well, goddamn, I'm finally 26 today. Although the last week or so has been full of major reflections - currently in the process of moving, therefore this years 'spring clean' has been like a snake shedding its skin! The stuff that I still had was amazing! So, 5 bin bags full later I think I'm ready to move.
But what it did do was throw up a lot of questions about my life...When I was 16 I wrote a list of things that I would have achieved by the time I was 26 - and fuck me, if I haven't achieved any of them (actually I lie, I have fulfilled 1/2 of one - a really great job (got) with good pay (urrrhhh, nope!).
I suppose this is also happening because I don't have any real goals anymore - uni over, fucked up relationshit finally fucked beyond repair, failed Wicca exam number 2 - what I need is some fucking goals! Any suggestions will be gratefully accepted...(but they must cost NO money and be done at weekends!).

You know what, it's my birthday tomorrow and I had the major birthday blues until Daddy sent me loads of pictures of his new orchid - they are fantastic!

Thank you Daddy!

LAZY POSTING (half inched from the adorable Darian)

--------------HAVE YOU EVER---------

* Ever been so drunk you blacked out: Yes, only once when I was 17 - drank 2 bottles of red wine and went out clubbing with friends. I'm a sensible enough person to end up going home and pass out in my own bed but i have no idea how I did it!

* Put a body part on fire for amusement: Oh yes, me and my brother used to hold lighters and matches to our arms and hands to see how hard we were (I was so 'the hardest'!).

* Been in a car accident: nope, been hit a couple of times though not badly, when I was a kid (brought up in the country, no bloody roads and many a drunk driver!).

* Been hurt emotionally: Quite a bit but only once badly - you know that bit in The Fellowship of the Ring where the Ringwrath stabs Frodo - that's what it feels like but in your heart - ice, evil running throughout your entire body (y'know I might not be over my last relationship (relationshit - name that movie!)

* Kept a secret from everyone: There's always a least one person that I tell!

* Had an imaginary friend: I kinda see it more as different elements of myself and I talk out loud to them a lot of the time.

* Wanted to hook up with a friend: No, no absolutly not, I'm mean it wouldn't work, would it? He obviously doesn't feel the same way - I know he flirts with me but he flirts with everyone. I know he holds my hand and whispers in my ear and adores me but there is no way that he sees it like that. But why hasn't he rung me for two weeks? Right that is it I'm never mentioning his name again. Oh god, I adore him...(repeat to fade) (and then continue for over a year, much to the annoyance of all other mates). I'm so sorry!!!! ;-)

* Cried during a Movie: I get so involved in movies, I weep like a child at most of them - happy tears, sad tears, depressed tears, release tears.

* Had a crush on a teacher: My theory is if you fancy someone at school/college you're more likely not to skive off. Therefore crushes a plenty, but they fade the min that I don't have to be there anymore.

* Ever thought an animated character was hot: No, but I've thought that plenty are cool as fuck!

* Had a New Kids on the Block tape: Yes, this was a major change point in my life. I was an avid reader of the music press and an avid watcher of TOTP as a child and NKOTB were meant to be the next big thing. My friend Annie and I went to buy the first single in Newcastle HMV, went home and listened to it. I hated it with a passion and she adored it. The relationship disintegrated not soon after when she went to the NKOTB concert and I lost my faith in 'the next big thing', discovered NME and Melody Maker and drowned my sorrows in daddy's record collection!

* Cut your hair: yes, I hate hairdressers with a passion.

-------FAVOURITES-------------

* Shampoo: Frizz ease (which I can rarely afford).

* Colour: Blue, it is the most diverse colour - something for everyone. Also anything that glitters.

* Day/Night: dusk and dawn

* Summer/Winter: Autumn.

* Lace or satin: Knights (or nights) is white satin

* Cartoon Characters: Lenore, Emily.

* Fave Advert: Don't really have one and I don't have enough space to tell you all the ones that I HATE.

* Fave Film: This changes constantly but I have seen The Two Towers four times now.

* Fave Ice Cream: Good vanilla or Baileys with Baileys poured over the top for decant moments.

* Fave Subjects: Other people's lives (whether imaginary or real).

-----------------RIGHT NOW-----------

* Wearing: It's a lazy sunday, so 'The Queen is Dead' Smiths t-shirt and and Old Navy shorts with glow in the dark ghosts on.

* Drinking: Home made caffe latte - warm and whisk the milk first and then add coffee and top up with water.

* Thinking about: Life, the universe and everything

* Listening to: Just a Min on Radio 4 - hurrah, hurrah, Ross Noble is very funny indeed.

---------IN THE LAST 24 HRS--------

* Cried: Yes, a couple of times. Birthday blues and my computer crashed and managed to wipe every track that I had in my Real One Player (which was quite a lot!!!!!!!) Arrggghhhh, they were nowhere, I searched everywhere, and then I wept with frustration.

* Worn a skirt: nope, although I did wear one last Saturday - just for shock value!

* Cleaned your room: Yep, I moving next weekend so I didn't just clean but I threw out at least 2 bin bags full of crap.

* Done laundry: yep, general house stuff and my own stuff.

* Drove a car: nope, don't drive.

----------DO YOU BELIEVE IN-------

* Yourself: yes, but I have to remind myself that I do quite often.

* Friends: yes, yes, YES - I have the most adorable friends!

* Santa Claus: no

* Tooth Fairy: yes, she put a little diamond on my tooth!

* Destiny/Fate: YES

* Angels: I get stuck with this word, 'cos I believe in guardian spirits/guides but not the classic idea of angels (and BTW 'The Prophecy II' was on last night - Christopher Walken is soooo horny as the Archangel Gabriel!!!).

* Ghosts: YES, and I've met a few

---------FRIENDS AND LIFE--------

* Who's the loudest out of your friends: Courtney (but only in 'COURTNEY' mode)

* Who's the weirdest out of your friends: They all have their little weird quirks but that's why I love 'em

* Who will respond to this e-mail fastest: n/a

* Who did you send this to who won't respond: n/a

* Do you want all your friends to do this and send it back to you?: They should all copy and post on their blogs if they have them!

Take the What
animal best portrays your sexual appetite?? Quiz


Ummm, this doesn't seem right somehow! I don't think I've pounced in my life

Oh my god! That was the wildest party that I've ever been to let alone given! I have only just recovered enough to think about it...there was drink, a variety of drugs, lots of naked gay men (including flatmate - which didn't weird me out at all - which, thus weirded me out), threesome porn acts happening in the front room (they were asked nicely to get off my bed covers - yuck, yucky). Certain young ladies doing the voyeuristic thing.

We went on a food and ciggy hunt at 7.30am - the local newsagent looked very upset (can't imagine why, pimp massive descending into his shop early in the morning). Decided to put myself to bed at 10.30am and slept until 4pm - when woken up by friend revealing she's slept with the straight one! Demanded that another lovely friend left me later for fourty winks and proceeded to sleep for 14hrs!

Hurrah, hurrah!!!

The circlation of rude photos post-party has been tres amusing!

We're planning a big old party tomorrow with the East London 'massive' and I'm getting nervous and excited already (plus I passed lesson 1 of my Wicca 'exams' (only 11 to go) - hurrah, hurrah!). I LOVE those moments of panic about whether or not anyone is gonna turn up, "oh my god I've spent hours cooking and putting out a big spread and now no-one's here and I'm drunk already - fuck, fuck, fuckidy fuck - oh, everyone's turned up and having a good time and I'm rat arsed!" (fun, fun, fun!).

I'm sure that they'll be amusing updates over the weekend.

So, I'm just a Sith am I - we'll see when I take over the goddamn world!!!!


:: how jedi are you? ::

Hurrah, hurrah my life is getting fun again - it was the 'ticklers' big 30 b/day on Saturday. Trad party food (pinapple and cheese hedgehogs, sos rolls, pizza slices, jelly and ice cream) and the best mulled wine ever! Got very drunk as I knew that I was staying over. We played a bizarre form of pass the parcel and then we had a male stripper (v. odd indeed) and carried on drinking until the wee hours of the morning.

Went to meet mummy the next day and spent a few hours with her and Ian and Sadie dog watching Ab Fab DVD, we then went to meet S&M for the games night at the Retro Bar - this is the most fun night ever. Alcohol and board games - which for some reason works!!!!

Then on Wednesday I planned to have a quiet night at the theatre with friends (we went to 'Our House' which is a good fun, happy, throw away musical - no real content, confused story but great songs and full of beans dance routines). Went I got out there were TWO messages from the lovely Jess asking, nay, begging me to come out!!! So, we (Richie, Damaris and I) rushed to Candy Box to get in cheap with the flyer. We hung around for a while, drinking £1 drinks waiting for Jess and Lorna who had been to the Electric Six gig. They hadn't turned up be the time that Damaris and Richie had to go home, so they left me in the hands of a drunken Little Chris. Jess and Lorny turned up a few moment later looking fine!

We all proceeded to get very drunk and fail to get off with the people we wanted (except from Lorny who has the lovely Russ!). All in all a very fun evening indeed and made me realise how much I love clubbing and that I need to go out more often and experience lots of different clubs (cheap in entry and consumation of large amounts of whisky or vodka (depending on mood) but not in atmosphere or clientele - not too much to ask I'm sure).

This is one of the best so far (which the boss sent to me - he's Vixen Kylie!)






Which incarnation of Kylie are you?

Karl Urban: you like them tall, dark, sexy and fun.


Which guy are you destined to have sex with?
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You're a Perky/Cyber goth! You love plastic
clothing in bright colors, and know how to have
fun, even if it means that some Goths will hate
you for it.


What kind of Goth would you be?
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julian casablancas (the strokes): you and julian
are no stranger to the bottle. and the morning
after is killer.


who's your indie rock boyfriend?
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completely fucked!


what fucked version of hello kittie are you?
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congrats! you are the worst fucking indie fuck that
can ever fucking exist. you are not only better
then everyone but arent afraid to show it. your
taste is perfection and you are loved.


what type of indie fuck are you?
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Bored again then???

I started this week in style - my temporary tooth filling came out (it has been in there since pre-New York i.e. many months more than it should have been!) I HATE dentists!!! I also did my ankle in, so have been limping in the most pathetic way. There is light at the end of the tunnel though, going to recover at Jan and Lee (the parentage) for the weekend.

I have also discovered a brand new, spanking, exciting band The Faint. I've been majorly 'off' music for a while, what with all the ok bands about but no great bands, I've been bored by the scene, not wanting to go out clubbing to listen to the same tracks each night (even at different clubs they were playing the same middle of the road indie tunes). I had a look at the NME most wanted list for 2003 - I know that they are usually wrong and was looking for which bands would be my 'hates' of the year (see Oasis, Starsailor, Travis, etc). But, bugger me, some of the bands sounded quite good - The Faint being the best - Fisherspooner mixed with Joy Division - oh my god, go listen, they rock!

Today is quiz madness day (I should be doing 'homework' but am bored!).


Which Nightmare Before Christmas Character are you?
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Which Marilyn Manson Era Are You?
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Had a wonderful night last night. 'SAC' had a birthday party. Friendly company, good food and the best mulled wine I have ever had! Again, lots of ex-ticketmaster buddies were there but a different crowd this time. The nurse, the witch tranny, the ABBA freak, the demon hunter, all those people I haven't seen in ages! 'SAC' lives with the lovely 'Tickler' so I caught up on being tickled!

SAC got lots of lovely pressies, mainly of a rude nature (except mine which was the much needed Tom Leher live CD). I had to leave early with Jess to get the tube home (work and Jess had the dentist - catch up on that on her page!

Last night was lovely, all except from the horrible news that 'Geordie Hom' has split with b/f. They had been together for ages but it's all got a bit messy - seems to be in the same situation as I was a year and a half ago! I was still living with an ex-b/f for about 5 months after a split (bickering, lack of sex, and weird drink/drug episodes for months and then the realisation that he was fucking a mate of mine - y'know the usual!). Of course, him and the 'motherfucking bitch' as still happy together!!!

Talking to 'GH' last night brought up a lot of negative feeling about my last relationship, which made me realise that I'm only just getting angry now. All this time later, I wish that I have lost control and got angry at them but I went into major daze and lived life in a bubble for those months I was still there.

But y'know it wasn't all bad we also saw Gangs of New York, which was amazing except from the very last scene...I was wispering to myself "don't fade to modern day New York, please don't fade to modern day New York" and what did they do but fade to modern day New York (with Twin Towers included)!!!

I went with S&M flatmate to a preview of The Ring yesterday - remake of a Japanese horror. It scared me although it was the second time watching it (I saw it in New York with the lovely Darian) I was shaking afterwards, and went to West Central for a calm down. Mates took the piss over me ordering a diet coke! And I felt tired and stressed - work is majorly heavy at the moment, so went home early and to bed.

Still not able to have a hot bath or shower due to a part of our boiler dying - hot water, smellies and being girly is the only way to calm down, no wonder I'm stressed to the max. Going out this evening with the lovely 'Geordie Hom' - known him for years and although we both live in London, I rarely see him, so it's a big treat. Pizza and movies in Stratford.

It also turns out that I'm out every night this week either at parties or shows (mainly comps - hurrah, hurrah) - and goddam it, I'm in need of some fun!!!

Friday night was good fun! Went to an ex-workmates, from Ticketmaster, birthday party. So lots of catching up with old friends, really exciting and finally met Darian in the flesh for the first time in ages - major exchange of xmas and birthday pressies. He gave me the best necklace, lightening strike with diamonds - very, very 'ME'.

On to a bar in east london, The Lane. A person from my degree course has moved the club she works with there. It's not really my sort of music but baby theatre queen was there and Jess was turning up later. Good fun to begin with, I haven't been drinking in a post new year resolution to get healthy so I managed to get horribly drunk on very little. The bar was strange, as the the toilets seemed to be in a hotel next door - all gold leaf and camp. The night finished too early at 11pm, as Jess turned up so we need somewhere else to go. Late licence bar, good chat and more beer. Walked back to Jess' with her and her mate for more alcohol! Hurrah!!! Jess has got her room really nice and cosy, slumped for a while and then night bus home. Wonderfully warm and cosy in bed, walking up the next day I felt awful!!! Major hangover city, no fun at all, major guilt about my giving into beer and wine.

Got up, no fucking toilet roll!!! My flatmates must all die!!! ;-)

Went back to bed and slept till very late - I get up, play on the internet for a while and discover that 8 Mile is previewing at my local cinema - made it out of the house and saw it, Eminem is actually really good in it, surrounded by professional actors he pull it off well. Moody, great landscape shots of the run down Detriot, funny bits, horny bits (sex scene is very realistic - actually, maybe that says too much about my sex life!), moving bits - I like a rollercoaster of a film - I want to be taken on a journey and I was. Highly recomended by me.

Today was darts final and nothing else - not a great game, a little uneven but enjoyable nevertheless.

and now, of course it all goes wrong with the goddamn comments box not working!!! How amusing is my life???

Hurrah, hurrah Jess has a blog too!. Our mate Darian has spread this like an evil (so evil it's e...villlll) disease!!! Hurrah!!!

Haven't been posting as much as I'd like to, mainly due to the workload increasing recently. I started working at a company called Cardboard Citizens, they are a homeless and ex-homeless peoples theatre company. The work is admin assistant but I get really involved in a lot of the work, everyday seems to bring new challenges. Hopefully I'll get a chance to talk about their work more.

I have the shittest night last night - came home and 'evil', non-cleaning, non-bill paying flatmates surprisingly hadn't cleaned and 'dopey' was sat on the sofa smoking a bong and watching friends (again!). I wanted to watch Buffy but didn't want to disturb him, so I thought 'INTERNET, hurrah!'. Trying to get online but it didn't work, reboot, try again, no luck, reboot, try again, no luck. Fine, fine, I'm ok...then the electricity in the house stops all together!!!

ARRGGGG, 'dopey' keeps trying to put the switch back up, but it just trips out again.

I tell him to stop it, leave a horrible, pissed off message on our letting agents answermachine and go up stairs. I'm thinking "calm down, Boudicca, calm down, ok I'll have a nice, relaxing bath and chill out". Go to bathroom, and no toilet roll!!!!

Temporary loss of mind, slam doors, coat on, slam more doors, out into the cold - literally run to bus stop, go to cinema, buy ticket for 'Spider' and sit down and have a coffee. Still fuming, madly, thinking over and over again "I hate that house, I hate that house!".

Who rings but the 'theatre queen' asking for an update on a project we're working on - get lots of phone kisses and cuddles and "you're in the right, darlings!", cheered up beyond belief!!!

Thought then, do I really need to see 'Spider' now - but in fact the film was so beautiful it cheered me up too!!!

Went home feeling much better, electricity back on, radio comedy blaring from my room - went in to 'S&M' to have an evening catch up (as he's been out loads recently - having a good time goddamn him).

Letting agent rang first thing this morning and their guy is coming out around this afternoon.