Lost in Austen

I've rather enjoyed this bit of t.v. fluff. I've never had a Darcy 'thing' before but I do now.

Week 3

I'm about to start week 3. It's been ok. I'm amazed by how much food I must have eaten before. Lost 15lbs in 2 weeks. 10 weeks to go...

One of those getting to know you things

Please copy mine below, erase my answers putting yours in their place then post it in your blog if you get a chance...

1. First name:
Boudicca (it really is before you ask, my parents gave me that name).

2. Age:
31, I used to be worried about hitting my 30s but it's been ok.

3. Location:
Exeter, UK. I've only been here for 10 months but it feels like home. We'll be here for a while.

4. Hometown:
Well, I was born in London. Spent my childhood in Hebden Bridge. My teenage years in Newcastle upon Tyne. Then back to London for 10 years. They are all my hometowns.

5. Occupation:
An agent for outdoor and variety artists and a freelance arts project manager. I care deeply about the arts and I'm lucky (or driven!) enough to have worked in this sector for all my working life. Someone reminded me a while ago that when I was 14 I said to them "all I want to do is own my own venue". Still my dream.

6. Partner:
Joe, we've been together for 5 years and are getting married next year.

7. Kids:
No, not yet. There's a few complications that need to be sorted first unfortunately.

8. Brothers/Sisters:
One brother, Dash, two years younger. Love him to bits. I'm a very bossy big sister but he puts up with it.

9. Pets:
None, but I have a picture of a jack russell on my desk which keeps me happy.

10. List the 3-5 biggest things going on in your life:
1. I've bought my first house so I'm nesting.
2. Developing exciting things at work.
3. Planning the perfect festival in my head.
4. Adjusting to my new status as an orphan...which leads me onto...

11. Parents:
Lee died in Dec 05 and Jan died in July 08. There are no words for the emptiness they've left behind. I'm very lucky to have been bought into the world by them and I'm only sorry they had to fly with the birds so early.

12. Who are some of your closest friends?:
I have lots of friends but very few people know me really and truly and they know who they are!

13. Do you drink/smoke?:
I used to do both and to excess. Smoking I stopped years ago by still cracked under stress. Drinking...gah, I've been drinking heavily since my teens and binge like no-one else I know. I'm trying to get it under control though and recently have only drunk 5 pints of ale (in one naughty night) and 1/2 bottle of wine since 9th August. I do miss it but I'm not allowed until I can learn just to have a merry couple rather than a shouty allnighter!

14. Tattoos/Piercings:
Piercings:
4 time in left ear
2 and 1 top in right ear
Left nose

Tattoos:
One rose on top of left arm - MSP debut album cover with the song title 'Stay Beautiful' instead of Generation Terrorist. It was a present from Jenni and Dan for my 17th birthday. I was "all broken up at 17" just like the song said.

Just below I have a dolphin which I got for my 18th birthday. He looks a bit like a weird bird but I love him.

Right arm I have a flaming sun. I got this in New York and was a gift to myself for finishing my degree. My friend Darian was with me getting his stars done at the same time.

I have plans for memorial ones for Lee and Jan to go onto my feet. Just got to find me a tattooist in Exeter.

Weird Diet Day by Day

Day Three
Horrible headache in the morning
Very thirsty indeed

Day Four
Difficult day
Bored and wanting real food

Day Five
Ate a 3 chips and a small amount of batter...stolen from boyf plate

Day Six
Toffee milkshake for lunch when boyf is eating pasty - really bored.
Outing to the theatre - I have a pint of soda water and gaze at people's wine glasses.

Day Seven
Change from fast track (550 cals a day) to regular (88o cals a day) where I can eat a meal a day on top of the 4 packs. The meal is made up from a very limited list of allowed foods. I have watercress, spinach, radishes, celery and 3oz of cottage cheese. It's the most divine meal I have ever had...

Day Eight
Woke up super thirsty.
Wild berry milkshake for breakfast - actually quite yummy!
Thai soup for lunch - yummy again.
Horrified to discover in the online forum that the odd mint that I've been having may have had a great effect on my weight loss...mints???
My stomach is getting used to being hungry...not feeling so sick and grumbly anymore.

CERN Big Bang

Weird Diet Day Two

Last night I made one of my packs in a chocolate muffin. Well more like a microwaved spolge but it was good to have something solid.

I drank a creamy latte pack this morning which was actually really yummy but now it's 11am and I can't wait for lunchtime! My stomach is growling.

Weird Diet Day One

I attempted hot water in the morning but could only manage a few sips.

8am - breakfast was a weird berry milkshake and real coffee with a splash of milk.

I've been drinking decaff instant black coffee so far which is lovely, I used to drink it like this and I love the bitter taste in my mouth.

First craving for real food around 10am this morning but using my stopwatch helped (a craving only lasts between 8-12 mins; once you're over that it goes away...apparently).

The Times, Caitlin Moran

"Along with Doctor Who and Cardigan Bay and flapjacks, this makes me proud to be British. We're utterly wet and a weed. Hurrah! I like the fact that - without ever talking about it - we all decided we didn't, actually, want to survive the Apocalypse. Because, yes, we'd be alive - but in a post-apocalyptic wasteland, full of buff, shouting American survivalists. The British are only into living so long as it's civilised and pleasant. As soon as we have to poo in a hole and lose reception of BBC4, we're quite happy to become extinct. We are not into all this forceful, effortful, yippy, yappy, living-and-winning-at-any-cost stuff. We don't want ripped, renegade leaders, like Gerard Butler in 300, shouting, “Tonight, we dine in Hell!” We want someone who is, ultimately, very good at accounts, shouting, “Tonight, we dine in the dining room!”

And indeed, wanting a slightly anaemic-looking accountant as leader seems to be the watermark of all peaceful, civilised countries...'"

Wow!

Liverpool's Elephant:

Go here for more information. Flickr will be the best bet for audiences photos.

"I was always surprised I made it to 30, I was on a collision course. But once you've made it beyond a certain point, you are faced with two choices: carry on and end up killing yourself, or change your life radically. I chose the latter. Wilderness is born out of being in love, and being in love with life. Of course, people don't want their rock stars to be clean-cut and happy; they want them to be unhinged, decadent and desperate. But I believe there is another side of life - a positive side - that I can write about with just as much passion and intensity."
Brett Anderson

From The Renaissance Monkey

This is slightly off because I decided I didn't want to eat meat at the age of 6. The last few months I've been "experimenting" eating meat but nothing has had the wow factor yet.

Here's the cut and pasted blurb and then my answers:

1) Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.
2) Bold all the items you've eaten.
3) Cross out any items that you would never consider eating.
4) Optional extra: Post a comment here at www.verygoodtaste.co.uk linking to your results.

The VGT Omnivore's Hundred:

1. Venison
2. Nettle tea
3. Huevos rancheros
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile
6. Black pudding
7. Cheese fondue
8. Carp
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari
12. Pho
13. PB&J sandwich
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes
19. Steamed pork buns
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Foie gras
24. Rice and beans
25. Brawn, or head cheese
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl
33. Salted lassi
34. Sauerkraut
35. Root beer float
36. Cognac with a fat cigar
37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O
39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat
42. Whole insects
43. Phaal
44. Goat's milk
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more
46. Fugu
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut
50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. McDonald's Big Mac Meal
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini
58. Beer above 8% ABV
59. Poutine
60. Carob chips
61. S'mores
62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin
64. Currywurst
65. Durian
66. Frogs' legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini
73. Louche absinthe
74. Gjetost, or brunost
75. Roadkill
76. Baijiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail
79. Lapsang souchong
80. Bellini
81. Tom yum
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant.
85. Kobe beef
86. Hare
87. Goulash
88. Flowers
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam
92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox
97. Lobster Thermidor
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Snake

Boo's Booze

I doing OK on the booze front - only 1 pint so far. Yesterday, on a night out where I'd usually have consumed around 5 or 6.

Tonight is a test though as a big night out for Alice who's moving to Manchester.

Generally, as not on tour or doing festivals I have consumed a mere portion of what I'd usually do in an average summer.

Life plods on. I had a dream last night that Jan wasn't dead and it was all a big mistake. She appeared from the sea on a blue sailing boat while I was walking along a beach. Her and a friend had just been lost. I awoke to emptiness, a list of mundane tasks and a constant nagging panic just a or two breath away.

Giving up

After yet another Saturday night with massive memory lapses and arguments followed by a queasy, head fuzzy Sunday; I've decided to give up alcohol for a month.

A report from the delayed news desk...

I'm getting married on 1st May 2009. That's only 275 days away.

'Citing, innit?


*I must not behave like a bridezilla*
*I must not behave like a bridezilla*
*I must not behave like a bridezilla*
*I must not behave like a bridezilla*

and breathe...

Too hard to write about the real world at the moment...

Today this here made me very happy. I adore Giles Coren. He makes me smile and sigh whenever I see him on the telly. I'll even happily watch the reruns of those awful Top 50's he did.

Jan Maloney
17/08/52 - 07/07/08

I have no words to even begin to describe the feelings that I'm having at the moment.

Waiting...

I wash your swollen feet with Glastonbury chalice water, I watch your heartbeat shaking your body, I bite my lip to keep myself connected to the earth, I clean your house as if you're coming home although I know you won't, I try and eat well, I try and remember to breathe. Your son and I, your daughter watch friends pass through whispering their goodbyes, we sit and wait, we sit and wait.

ACE are a damaged organisation

Guardian blog here. As usual with the blogs the comments are the most interesting thing...

8 miles in 1 hour & 40 mins! Thanks for all your sponsorship. You'll be glad to know it's being put to use immediately as Jan moved in with us on Friday and has already starting using the Hospicare service.

This here cheered me up a little bit but not much...

"This is 29, Acacia Road. And this is Eric, the schoolboy who leads an exciting double life. For when Eric eats a banana, an amazing transformation occurs. Eric is Bananaman. Ever alert for the call to action."

"He's the greatest,
He's fantastic,
Wherever there is danger he'll be there!
Hes the ace,
He's amazing,
He's the strongest, he's the quickest, he's the best!
Dangermouse,
Dangermouse,
Dangermouse!"

I...can't...take...any...more...bad...news....

Ongoing Life Saga

A funeral and a wedding - all in one week. I'm very tired.

8 Mile Midnight Walk

I'm raising funds for Hospiscare please visit here to donate if you can.

Doris

I remember you coming back to live in London and dancing me around the front room.

I remember when you caught me smoking you made me sit on a stool in the shop and smoke the rest of your B&H.

I remember you laughing because I was so scared of the eels in the fish shop down the road.

I remember you buying me the biggest ice cream I've ever seen when we went on holiday.

I remember Grandad, Dash and me hiding those morning choc ices from you.

As you said to me on recent occasions in pure understatement; your dying yesterday is a bit of blow.

The Creation

Yesterday, I listened to the rehearsals of Haydn's The Creation in Sheffield Cathedral. For those of you who like to know about these things it was the Sheffield Oratorio Chorus and the South Yorkshire Symphony Orchestra conducted by Alan Eost.

Soprano, Elizabeth Watts
Tenor, Joseph Cornwall
Bass, Paul Carey-Jones

Rather enjoyable.

Let me die a young man's death
Roger McGough 1937-

Let me die a young man's death
not a clean and inbetween
the sheets holywater death
not a famous-last-words
peaceful out of breath death

When I'm 73
and in constant good tumour
may I be mown down at dawn
by a bright red sports car
on my way home
from an allnight party

Or when I'm 91
with silver hair
and sitting in a barber's chair
may rival gangsters
with hamfisted tommyguns
burst in and give me a short back and insides

Or when I'm 104
and banned from the Cavern
may my mistress
catching me in bed with her daughter
and fearing for her son
cut me up into little pieces
and throw away every piece but one

Let me die a young man's death
not a free from sin tiptoe in
candle wax and waning death
not a curtains drawn by angels borne
'what a nice way to go' death

Word of the Day

conniption - a fit of violent emotion, such as anger or panic.

(and then I sicked it up...evil bad...)

Of Late...

...you may have noticed that I rarely update on personal things. There are numerous factors for this but what's generally going on is this:

Downs
Cancer, Jan's been going through 26 weeks of chemotherapy. It's been very difficult for us all, we're not sure if it's working well enough, it may have spread again but to the bones this time. She'll be scanned soon but until then I hold my breathe and try not to cry.

Ups
Loving my job/s - agency work is really interesting and the freelance stuff is great.
Making new friends in Exeter.
Buying a different house to the previous one I wrote about - we're actually talking about exchanging contracts soon so fingers crossed.
The lovely Joe, keeping me sane and down to earth.

(Creative) Producer

A fantastic debate has just begun on The Guardian blogs:

Lyn Gardner here
Laura Baggaley here

A great Monday inspiring quote to keep me going:

"creative producers are potentially artists' best allies as they combine a highly developed aesthetic with the kind of resourceful, tenacious and innovative behaviour that theatre desperately needs if it is to thrive and flourish." Lyn Gardner

Jolly interesting...plus today a previous favourite tutor of mine suggested that I do a project based producing MA.

Curate your own festival

Guardian blog here.

Some friends of mine are currently hovering between 3rd (which means yes) and 4th (which means no) for My Fierce Festival. The show is 'Playing The Victim'. If it takes your fancy please vote for it...If not, just vote as it's such an interesting idea.

Website for My Fierce Festival here.

SQUEE...Christmas Cranford

Sometimes, I feel so bloody old.

Kevin Spacey attacks BBC Talent Shows

While supping coffee and eating muesli this really cheered me up this morning.

The Stage article here.

The Guardian article here.

"I felt that was essentially a 13-week promotion for a musical - where's our 13-week programme?"

Arts Taskforce

Today I will be mainly reading the "A New Landscape For The Arts"

The taskforce is an independent body and has been set up by the Conservatives to consider arts policy ahead of the next general election.

Quote

"I'm creating rituals to make sense of a world that scares the shit out of me." Philip Ridley

Arthur C Clarke, writer and futurist, dies at 90

"Life is just one big banana. Science fiction allows us all to peel open the reality and discover the yellow truth inside."

Captain Birdseye

God rest his fishy soul (or that should be sole? BOOM TISH!)

Genista McIntosh to investigate ACE's spending review

More info at The Stage here.

Apparently nothing to do with the recent controversy - they were going to do it anyway.

This Morning

"There's a hole in the world like a great black pit, and it's filled with people who are filled with shit, and the vermin of the world inhabit it..."

Reminder to self: don't go to sleep with the Sweeny Todd soundtrack on repeat.

To balance out the Sweeney Todd hatred of the world:

-- written by Max Ehrmann in the 1920s --

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Andrasta - The Warrior Goddess

Her symbol is the hare. She was a lunar mother-goddess figure associated with fertility and love. She is the goddess of victory, of ravens and of battle. Her colour is red. Her weapon is the sword. Her tarot is death.

She was the Celtic Goddess envoked by Boudicca and the Iceni:

"I thank thee, Andraste, and call upon thee as woman speaking to woman [...] those over whom I rule are Britons, men that know not how to till the soil or ply a trade, but are thoroughly versed in the art of war and hold all things in common, even children and wives, so that the latter possess the same valour as the men. As the queen, then, of such men and of such women, I supplicate and pray thee for victory, preservation of life, and liberty against men insolent, unjust, insatiable, impious" Dio Cassius

"Let us, therefore, go against (the Romans), trusting boldly to good fortune. Let us show them that they are hares and foxes trying to rule over dogs and wolves." When she had finished speaking, she employed a species of divination, letting a hare escape from the fold of her dress; and since it ran on what they considered the auspicious side, the whole multitude shouted with pleasure, and Buduica, raising her hand toward heaven, said: "I thank thee, Andraste, and call upon thee as woman speaking to woman..." Dio Cassius

Mememe Game

I go to page 123 of the book I'm currently reading, skip the first five sentences and reveal the following three.

"Wishing to be loved by their child, parents shrink from exposing him to tales which encourage him to think of parents as bad or rejecting. Parents wish to believe that if a child sees them as stepmothers, witches or giants, this has nothing to do with them and how they at moments appear to the child, but is only the result of tales he has heard. These parents hope that if their child is prevented from learning about such figures, he will not see his own parents in this image."

The Uses of Enchantment: The Meaning and Importance of Fairy Tales by Bruno Bettelheim

Now I "tag" you to do the same...

Quote

"Don't try to solve serious matters in the middle of the night."
Philip K. Dick

You are Emo

Emos are underrated. It's not easy balancing introspection with a childlike delight in life. You look so pretty that people always think you're nothing but a new-wave teenager who takes photos of things, but they're wrong, and can't see past the hair. You notice what's happening around you - you just choose when you want to interact with the world, or not. Let them laugh - they still end up asking if they can download your amazing mp3 collection.

Yep, I know...check out what you are here at this lovely site that I like to frequent.

Aerial Dance: I've been coordinating a week long workshop with Wendy Hesketh and Jamie Ogilvie from Wired Aerial Theatre and Brenda Angiel from Brenda Angiel Aerial Dance Company. I've never seen dance like it. Inspiring, beautiful and full of spectacular qualities; they move with strength and a deliberateness that is just fantastic.

Steam/Sauna/Spa Bath/Swimming pool: There is nothing better in this world for clearing the mind.

More Advenutures

After a restful afternoon I ventured down to Bella Italia for wine, pizza and salad which was very yummy. On returning to the hotel I went into the main hall with a person that I'm working with in Liverpool and tried to sort out our internet problems. We were approached by a gentleman tramp who told us we were beautiful (although I was too big!). He told us was a writer, a poet, a great lover, a undoubtable blagger and he was all in all rather amusing. He left us with a poem and wandered off into the night with his white cider.

A Windy Day in Liverpool

During a day of rushing about and working hard a meeting was delayed by 30mins so I ventured around the corner to the Liverpool Cathedral. A windy day added to the 'heathcliff-ness' of it. It is literally a breathtaking building. It dominates. Large and imposing, you feel pressed down but the weight of it and then you choke with the beauty of the inside. Go see.

I'm going to the Roman Catholic Cathedral this afternoon.

Dancing Queen

This week I'm in Liverpool coordinating "Harnessing performance: exploring dancing in the air". It's amazing but this photo seemed to sum up the basic essence of today's work:

Quote

"Most people would rather be certain they're miserable than risk being happy."
Robert Anthony

Quote

"Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul." Marilyn Monroe

The real cost of 2012 to London?

The Stage article by Alistair Smith here.

MANIC STREET PREACHERS

I remember the time in the early 80's on TOTP when I worshiped Toyah and became sexually awakened by Nick Rhodes of Duran Duran fame (I still tingle a little now - 24 years later). Music, bands have always been important to me. I discovered the Manics one day in Smash Hits. I was so bored by NKOTB and the new Mad-chester baggie scene. I wanted the glamour that first captured my imagination. So, this piece - less than a 1/4 page. A picture of them...eyeliner, leopard skin, pretty boys, the slogan...culture, alienation, boredom and despair. They were on The Word that Friday. At this point I was already hanging around street corners getting drunk so my Dad videoed it for me. Saturday. Hungover. Press play, fast forward. I see them. I play that clip so many times that day that my finger aches from pressing the hard button (remote control? The video was so old it didn't have one). They play R*E*P*E*A*T*. Repeat after me fuck queen and country. Why don't you just FUCK OFF.

My heart in my throat whenever I see them on any front cover. I consume. I destroy. I create. They become my words, how I describe my life, my hatred that I can't vocalise. They use other peoples word - I search and discover a whole new world in my parents respective bookcases. I worship the library. Knowledge is power.

I consider myself to be very lucky to have fallen in love at such a young age. It is love. A torrid, painful affair, I'm often let down by them. I can't listen to some songs because they hurt me so much.

They sing and play songs directly for me. I have a semi-reglious experience while watching James sing - a halo appeared. He was framed and for a moment my heart burst with love.

There have been other affairs, I've not been faithful but there's never been anyone else who hits that spot that they do. I try to "wean" myself off them only to find that I'd booked to see them 4 times last year.

They were and are at every important point of my teenage and adult life. Every key moment can be summed up by a slogan, a lyric, a scream becomes a sigh.

I wore white jeans, leopard skin, drank vodka and orange, smoked Marlboro's. Part of a tribe. I worship at gigs. I discover friends through this band, some of whom are still at my side, some who are not.

Blood and scars tie us together. The first time I saw '4 REAL' I knew I wasn't alone. That there was someone who might understand the rage that I couldn't get out, let out only by the calming slice and scratch of a razor blade, broken glass or safety pin. People misunderstand self harm. It calms, comforts, brings you back to the world. These days I eat sea salt or slice with ice to ground myself.

I still listen to the Manics.

I am a sick puppy:

LOL ! ROFL!
Yes, I realise that I should be working!

Counting the cost of free theatre

Guardian blog here.

This year’s Glastonbury could be the last, organiser admits...

more from The Times here.

Jolly well hope so. I've just booked into working a full week at the office so everyone else can go to Glastonbury - hurrah!

DCMS Definition of Culture:

* the performing and visual arts, craft, and fashion * media, film, television, video, and language * museums, artifacts, archives and design * libraries, literature, writing and publishing * the built heritage, architecture, landscape and archaeology * sports events, facilities and development * parks, open spaces, wildlife habitats, water environment and countryside recreation * children's play, playgrounds and play activities * tourism, festivals and attractions * informal leisure pursuits * licensing of alcohol, entertainment and late night refreshment

That's cleared that one up then...

Candy Hearts For You:



Make your own candy hearts here

Life

Jan's chemo has shrunk the cancers. Her life expectancy has increased from 6/8 months to 5 plus years. I'm happy but still scared about the future.

The house has fallen through (as it was literally about to do itself!). Still on the search for another one but have decided that central Exeter is a good option as we can just 'pop out' for fun fuelled evenings.

I'm enjoying the new part time job. A lot. I mean really enjoying it. It's pushing me into unconfident territory but in a good, supportive environment. Nothing more I could ask for really.

I'm cold and tired but each sunny day fills me with the hope of a blooming, warm summer.

I'm missing the Centreparcs weekend and Lornie's hen do due to the other work I'm doing at the moment.

I'm going to the gym 3 x a week.

Stoke On Trent

It's quite a long way from Exeter...again, the space was pretty amazing

Andover...

It has roundabouts, a ring road and The Lights is a rather nice arts centre.

I'm sure there'll be more to report tomorrow.

Pancake Day Joke Corner

A Frenchman once said his pancakes were crepe but he thinks they're quite good.

In Cold Blood

I spent most of last nights episode saying "wow" or "amazing" or "oh my god!". What a programme; David Attenborough just fills the screen with joy and child-like amazement at the world.

Read about it here.

Potato Pegs for Glasto

'The organisers have confirmed that they are currently intending to hand out these pegs at all the entry points. Each person with a tent will receive around 10 of the 'potato pegs', which means around a million pegs will be handed out!

After last year's festival a skip was filled full of tent pegs, that have to be removed from the ground for the safety of the cows. Mr Eavis told BBC News that they are "a real problem for the cows." The biodegradable pegs were selected from various prototypes the organisers have tested and are very strong when first used, but if left in the fields will break down over subsequent months.' Read more at Efestivals here.

Potato Pegs...it's not even April 1st yet...

Darius to play Rhett Butler in Gone with the Wind musical

Rhett Butler is a quintessential hero/man/legend...I just can't imagine any Scarlett O'Hara lowering her defenses and wanting to give herself up to Darius.

This also make me happy:

















The article's a bit boring though!

This makes me so happy:

ACE Increases

A number of positive funding stories from ACE at The Stage.

The organisation that I used to work for ISAN has also had an increase....

A bit of plain speaking:

Nicholas Hytner, director of the National Theatre has attacked the Arts Council of England saying that it has lost its way and spent too much time producing "glossy brochures that are, bluntly, bollocks". He added "They don't just invent boll***s, they live the boll***s".

What a lovely response to the news that 1 in 5 cultural organisations funding has been/will be cut by ACE.

Culture Vulture

Sir Brian McMaster’s policy review Supporting Excellence in the Arts states.

• that the board of every cultural organisation should contain at least two artists and or practitioners,
• that all publicly funded cultural organisations remove admission charges for everyone for one week each year to address the endemic ‘it’s not for me’ syndrome, and
• that the ten most innovative cultural companies receive ten-year funding packages to support their ambition.

Ok, I've worked with a number of boards and it's hard enough getting a small number of people to a board meeting let alone adding even more people into the mix. The artists (or practitioners) would become 'representatives' or silent board member i.e. unable to actually vote on the development and running of the organisation.

Remove admission charges...a comparable thing I've seen is a great reduction in the West End ticket costs with Kids Week. It doesn't work in the way that McMaster envisions; the theatres are just filled with pushy mothers and stage school brats. They are the people that the shows are already reaching. Cinemas used to do it with a free weekend - they are just filled with cinema geeks. If there was a free cultural week, of course I'd go but I'm already going...

Oh, alright I'll give him this one to a degree but only if the list only includes nationwide representatives from every fundable sector - i.e. only one orchestra, only one opera, only one ballet....plus they tour to every UK town possible and offer free tickets to local schools for a number of performances. Also a majority of the organisations shouldn't be from London.

The Guardian response here
The Times response here

Witchy-woo

I have finally passed my Correllian Wicca - First Degree (with an A). It's taken me rather a long time to get to this point with many stops and starts on the way. It should have taken a year; it's taken me over two. I've finally done it though.

Second Degree here I come!

General Points:

I've eaten out every evening since last Wednesday. Tonight, I will cook a healthy dinner with something green as I'm now feeling like a weird food experiment...today's lunch is a slim-a-soup, ryvita and an apple.

I went to a preview of Sweeney Todd last night. There are flaws a plenty but it was an enjoyable film nevertheless. I mean, where else can a girl fulfill her fetish of Johnny Depp being splattered with blood while singing Sondheim?

Life...

Life in the recent months has been played out at extremes. The ups and downs are roller coaster like and I have an almost constant about to *vomit in my hand* feeling.

Downs

• My mum has terminal cancer. There are no words I can use to explain how I feel. I do hate the word terminal...
  
• I've had a miscarriage. Yes, they are common. Yes, it was a "silly" time to get pregnant. It doesn't stop the doom laden thoughts about a future of miscarriages and an inability to have children.
• The weather. The cold, driving rain. Great when you have a warm, cosy home and hot chocolate to get back to.
  
• The lack of heating in our rented flat. It is beautiful but goddamn it's cold.
  
• The lack of a decent shower. Mornings are good when you wake up with a hot, enlivening shower. The shower dribbles and is scorching or freezing. I hate it. It is evil.
  

Ups

• A lovely new job with lovely people. 3 days a week so I have time for the freelance stuff too.
  
• We've bought a house on the same road as Lornie and Will. A 4 bedroom Edwardian end of terrace that we can (hopefully) grow a family in. It has a good sized garden and there are plans afoot for vegetables a plenty. Fingers crossed we should have the keys by February.
  
• Egypt cruise (Nile and then El Gouna) booked for December '08.

Modern Parent

My darling mother has set up a blog - read about her journey here.

Tomorrow marks the 2 year anniversary of Lee dying. Ashes will be scattered by Exeter catacombs and a candle will be lit. Words of loss whispered.

For those left behind, we have a fresh task set by the universe - cancer's such a big word, carrying so much weight with it. I pulled out an angel card and it said strength and that's all I can do - just try to be as strong as possible.

Poison apples indeed.

Why I Hate December

With the December rain along comes more negative, sickness themed news for the family. This year I present the hat trick of blindness, Alzheimer's and Cancer.

New Home

Our new home overlooks St Bartholomew's Cemetery and Exeter Catacombs. Behind us is the Benedictine Priory of St Nicholas which is currently being restored. Each morning I come out of the arched doorway to a wonderful view of the graveyard and a huge holly tree. I'm adoring it.

More updates in a couple of weeks when the huge, unwieldy conference I'm project managing is out of the way. Roll on December.

WTF?


I really don't have the words to describe the thoughts and feelings that I have when looking at this...I must say if anyone I know buys one they will be hung, drawn and quartered the moment I hear about it!

So much going on but so little to say...

The move has been hectic as all moves are. Still looking for a flat to move into so in Lornie and Will's spare room for now (thank you, thank you, much love to you both!). There doesn't seem to be many 1 beds out there to rent but hopefully we'll find something soon and get on with the nesting.

We've spent a lot of the last few days stalking around Exeter and getting settled in to our new city.

Work is busy but managed to sort out a swanky vodafone modem so I can work anywhere at all...there are an other couple of jobs in the pipeline too so fingers crossed on that front.

I was in London for a meeting today and didn't feel like I've missed it at all.

Again, sorry...

Time has been against me what with the slow, plodding move to Exeter, going freelance, handovers and goodbyes to friends.

Notes to self:

• spend more time on the stuff that you enjoy
• take time to look at the things that surround you
• slow your heart rate down and try to breathe
  

Lunchtime Timewasting

New Laptop

Shiny, shiny new laptop - I'm reminded of my old new media lecturer who spent a large majority of his time rubbing his laptop in the most sensual way imaginable. I can't keep my hands off this beautiful thing...

Circus Showdown

Went to the Hackney Empire for the Circus Showdown - a selection of Circus Cabaret/contemporary circus acts competing to be the winner of the evening. I don't think I've had so much fun in ages; wonderful acts including Wrong Size's Airlight and Desiree Kongerod’s ‘Twist’ contortion.

Bye Bye Marcel Marceau

LIFE

Back from a wonderful weekend in Exeter. We've made the right decision. Undoubtedly.

Returned to London on Sunday evening - too hectic, sweaty and stressful.

Monday morning blues reached a new height...with stupid bitchy emails, boss pretty much telling me that I couldn't do parts of my job right (nothing to do with lack of information from him of course!), changed meeting times and general pissed off-ness.

Theatre Visits

Friday night
Reverence - A site-sympathetic tale of Abelard and Heloise
An indoor promenade performance, at the site of the new Southwark Playhouse under London Bridge Station.

We donned cowls as students entering an order as God's representatives on Earth. We were taken around the dark, damp spaces spying on Abelard and Heloise and the people around them. Glorious production. Scary. Emotional. Wonderfully dark imagery.

www.goatandmonkey.co.uk

Monday night
The Bacchae by Euripides, a new version of The Bacchae by David Greig

Ok, it starts with Alan Cummings* arse on show...can it get any better? Oh yes, it can! It goes from outrageously camp musical to dark Greek tragedy and gets away with it. The god of dance and wine, Dionysus as indulgent transvestite unleashing uncontrollable female sexuality and cruelty was just wonderful.

www.lyric.co.uk

* I've always had a bit of a soft spot for Alan Cumming since he wrote and played Sebastian Flight in The High Life (Pif, paf pof!).

Tarot Reading

Q: Is it worth taking the risk and moving to exeter with boyf?

Go to www.facade.com/tarot get your own.

	The Cross and Triangle spread is a powerful means of understanding complex situations, developed by the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn. This spread is rich in occult and mystical symbolism, and one of our favorites here at Facade. The William Blake Tarot explores the mystical vision and artistry of the renowned English painter and poet. Through rich interpretations focused on creative undertakings, it has long been the deck of choice for artists, writers, musicians, and thinkers.
	The first card, the significator, is placed in the center of the cross. This card represents the prime energy manifest in your life. Woman of Poetry: "To go forth to the Great Harvest & Vintage of the Nations". Radiating confidence, pride, and self-assurance. Being unafraid to promote yourself or reach for what you really want. Being generous and open-hearted, but also dramatic and assertive. Wanting to inspire others. Creative self-fulfillment. Gathering a rich harvest from the situation. Expressing intuitive knowledge and leadership. Mastery of expression. In the creative process: With complete confidence in your expressive abilities, you serve as a guiding light to inspire growth and confidence in others.
	The second card, placed above the significator, represents Air. It describes your spirit, process of thought, and the influence of reason. Three of Music (Exuberance): "Exuberance is Beauty". Sense of emotional expansion. Something that makes you sing for joy. Intense desire for creative expression. A cause for lively celebration. Plunging into creative new territory. Getting people excited about your idea. Supportive alliances or relationships. Entertaining gatherings, performances, meetings, get-togethers. In the creative process: Exciting and joyous progress is taking place; blow your horn!
	The third card, placed to the right of the significator, represents Fire. It describes your motivations, creative energies, and the influence of passion. Angel of Painting: "The Graphic Muse". Visionary reverie. Coalescing plans and agendas in your imagination. Contemplation prior to action. Making use of appropriate tools. Getting an overview of the situation, particularly regarding its physical or material aspects. "Getting the feel" of things. In the creative process: Look for or contemplate a solid idea, a practical point of view that can instigate a whole new direction in your work or project.
	The fourth card, placed below the significator, represents Water. It describes your emotions, meditations, and the influence of love. Union: The successful coming-together of something vitally important to you. Getting your act together at last. The joining of male and female forces, or unification or inner and outer life. Not holding anything back. Being at the center. Completion. Spiritual self-sacrifice.
	The fifth card, placed to the left of the significator represents Earth. It describes your physical presence, position in life, and the influence of the material world. Child of Music, when reversed: The struggle to kindle your emotions. Being ruled by your own feelings. Emotional risks and instability. Disguising your vulnerability. Being shy and moody. Keeping your feelings to yourself. Self absorption clouding your empathy with others, and with animals. In the creative process: Go inside yourself to experience emotional innocence and primal voice. Don't be afraid to improvise in your own way.
	At this point the cross is complete and the triangle is formed. The sixth card, placed on the bottom left of the triangle represents one of two opposing forces. Seven of Science (Lamentation): Psychic energy restrained. Feeling burdened with heavy thoughts. Pushing yourself too hard. Wallowing over and refusing to accept the situation. Straining against something. In the creative process: When you are feeling stuck or blocked, push your imagination to find a way around the problem; rely on your energy and hard work.
	The seventh card, placed on the bottom right of the triangle represents the force that opposes the bottom left card. These forces may be external, but they are frequently one's own inner archetypes in conflict. Transformation, when reversed: Unwillingness to change old for new. Stagnation. Burning your bridges behind you. Facing the future unprepared. Failure to accept the inevitable.
	The eighth card, the reconciler, is placed below the cross in the third vertex of the triangle. This is the force that will resolve the conflict between the bottom left and bottom right cards. By meditating on this force and bringing more of it into your life, you can bring the matter at hand to a swifter conclusion than would naturally occur. Assessment, when reversed: Inattention to being fair and just. Lack of consideration of commitments, agreements, or negotiations. Refusal to weigh the pros and cons of a situation. Being blind to the needs of self versus others. Inability to transcend a situation or avoid a conflict of interest.
	The ninth and final card, placed in the center bottom of the triangle, represents the final outcome unless you change course. Reason: Using your head to get through a situation. A time to define or obey the rules. Yielding to or being the boss, or authority figure. Patriarchal or traditional approach is favored. Fathering issues.

Undecided

There's a young man in my front garden...topless...and gardening. I can't decide whether I should just enjoy my "diet coke moment" or continue to feel a little bit sick...

Let's play the Horatio Caine quote game!

It goes like this: take a famous quote and insert a pause to put on sunglasses. For example:

Because that is where (pause put on sunglasses) we will spend the rest of our lives.
Nobody expects (pause put on sunglasses) the Spanish Inquisition.

Who's first?

I don't know why I do these, they always upset me a little...

Advanced Global Personality Test Results Extraversion |||||||||| 33% Stability |||||||||| 33% Orderliness |||||||||||||||| 66% Accommodation |||||||||||| 50% Interdependence |||||||||||||| 56% Intellectual |||||||||||||||||| 76% Mystical |||||||||||||||||| 76% Artistic |||||||||||||||||| 76% Religious |||||||||| 36% Hedonism |||||||||| 36% Materialism |||||||||||| 43% Narcissism |||||||||||||||| 70% Adventurousness |||| 16% Work ethic |||||||||||||||||| 76% Self absorbed |||||||||||||||| 63% Conflict seeking |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Need to dominate |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Romantic |||||||||||||||||| 76% Avoidant |||||||||||||||| 70% Anti-authority |||||||||||||| 56% Wealth |||| 16% Dependency |||||||||||| 50% Change averse |||||||||||||||| 63% Cautiousness |||||||||||||||||| 76% Individuality |||||||||||||||| 70% Sexuality |||||||||||||||| 63% Peter pan complex |||||| 23% Physical security |||||||||||||||| 70% Physical Fitness || 10% Histrionic |||||||||||| 43% Paranoia |||||||||||||||| 63% Vanity |||||||||||||| 56% Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||||| 76% Indie |||||||||||||||| 70%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Stability results were moderately low which suggests you are worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.

Orderliness results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly organized, reliable, neat, and hard working at the expense of flexibility, efficiency, spontaneity, and fun.

Extraversion results were moderately low which suggests you are reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and secretive.

trait snapshot:
depressed, introverted, neat, needs things to be extremely clean, observer, perfectionist, not self revealing, does not make friends easily, suspicious, irritable, hates large parties, follows the rules, worrying, does not like to stand out, fragile, phobic, submissive, dislikes leadership, cautious, takes precautions, focuses on hidden motives, good at saving money, solitary, familiar with the dark side of life, hard working, emotionally sensitive, prudent, altruistic, heart over mind, unadventurous

Post-Reading

Highlights

• Catching up with my lovely mates.
• Making some lovely new friends.
• Gossip - boy, does Beth Ditto rock. That voice is just breathtaking.
• Watching Interpol with Jess in fold out seats, a couple of cans each and rubbing our thighs intermittently.
• Discussing in great detail the merits of various bass players.
• Shiny Toy Guns rocking out mid-afternoon.
• Carla going AWOL after dragging a punter away from the stall into the dark of the campsite and then returning some time later having named all their planned children.
• "Angry Mob" dancing outside our stall and going insane when we played something they didn't like.
• NIN, a fucking brilliant set. A semi mystical/semi erotic experience.
• Smashing Pumpkins were amazing too. Billy's growling voice gives me goose bumps.
• Turtle being accused of being in the Kaiser Chiefs followed quickly with Az being asked if he was from YMCA.
  
• Late night hot chocolate.
  

Lowlights

• Being so hungover on Friday morning that I had to be put into Jess and Turtle's tent for kip before starting work. Thanks guys and thank you to Kat for the life saving egg bap!
• Salvation Army complaining about the level of noise from our stereo. Next time I see them playing in a town centre I will have to complain about them...
• Sunburn.

All in all a great weekend. However, I think that it is undoubtedly time to pass the baton onto the young 'uns. There is no way that I can work as a trader at a festival again - it's too tiring and I just can't drink/drug like I used to...

Reading Festival

Edited highlights from website info page:

"Dear Reading Festival Goer,

It has been a very difficult month. When we got on site on July 25th, Green Camps ABC and D were waist high in water from the floods, yellow camp FGH and I were over 3’ deep in water, all of brown was over my knees, purple I couldn’t get to and White was just part of the river...In summary it has been a challenge. The summer has been bloody awful but thanks to great support from Reading Borough Council and the Environment Agency who have managed to drop the level of the river adjacent to the site and therefore reduce the level of the water table on site, as well as the amazing efforts of a key number of my site crew...we will be able to stage the world’s greatest rock festival despite what climate change and the weather have thrown at us...

Best regards

Melvin Benn

Managing Director Festival Republic – Promoter of Carling Weekend: Reading & Leeds Festivals"

We were meant to be working in fancy dress but I have removed my big silly dress and have packed wellies, inflatable canoe and emergency flares instead. Oh, and enough gin to block out the horror of it all.

Too cute for words...

My young man is away for a whole week. We've spent a lot of this summer apart with me away on various work projects but being in another bed/tent seems to be much easier than being in our bed alone. I went to bed alone and woke up alone; feeling rather sorry for myself. Then, this morning this CD arrived:With a lovely note "for you to listen to when you is snugglez in bed x"

I'm really looking forward to going to bed tonight now!

Ch-ch-changes

Notice that I just threw that in without thinking "moving to Devon". Yep, me and the young man are moving to Exeter sometime in October. It's both very exciting and absolutely terrifying.

Twin Peaks

I've just worked out that Lucy and I have only got to episode 13 of our Twin Peaks marathon...only 16 to go. We both leave London in October. There is no way we're going to do it all before then.

Good job we're both moving to Devon.

Nicest email that I've received in a while:

"Boudicca is amazing

Boudicca is the best

Boudicca deserves a Nobel peace prize"

Save The Cheerleader, Save The World

I have become obsessed with Heroes - it has everything I need - comic book looks, humour, genetics, good guys, bad guys, mixed up guys, the unbearably adorable Peter Petrelli with that amazing fringe that he keeps having to sweep out of his eyes, a bitchy cheerleader, geeks, losers, sex, drugs, special effects, characters linked together in ways that they don't know about but we do...I actually clapped and laughed out loud during so many parts last night - Hiro Nakamura is so cool. He embraces his superpowers with such child like enthusiasm that you can't help get pulled into the joy. Also seeing him from the future makes him even more interesting - how does he get from office worker geek to ninja supremo?

I can't wait until next Wednesday!

"Wear your love like it is made of hate
Born to destroy and born to create"

MSP, Autumnsong

Professional Development

I'm really interested in doing a funded ILM Level 3 Introductory Certificate in First Line Management on 16 & 17 October, 31 October & 1 November, 14 November & 21 November.

This course has 10 segments, which we have chosen to respond to the first-line managers’ most immediate learning needs:

• - Problem Solving
• - Decision Making
• - Influencing and Negotiating
• - Time Management
• - Meetings
• - Motivation
• - Delegation
• - Managing Performance
• - Planning for Change
• - Coaching at Work

There will be plenty of time for tutorial support and for the business and employment skills sessions:

• Assertiveness
• Networking
• Presenting a Professional Image

But to do it for free, I need to find someone without UK based Level 2 qualifications to do it with...

Level 2 qualifications include:

• NVQ Level 2
• One A-Level or equivalent
• GNVQ intermediate
• RSA diploma
• BTEC first or general diploma
• 5 O-levels or
• 5 GCSEs grade A-C or equivalent

Anyone interested or know someone who is?