I spent some Saturday lost in epping forest with the boyf but we rewarded ourselves with a couple of pints and a pub dinner (it was meant to be lunch but y'know when there are NO map boards anywhere in the forest it takes a while to get out of it!). It was wonderful to walk through the forest and only bump into the odd cyclist, horse rider and 40 bikers by a road side cafe - I still haven't quite worked out what they were doing there.

Note to self: next time take a map and a bottle of water (and also perhaps Kendall mint cake)

During all the being lost, we also came to a pretty major decision - we're going to move in together. We were planning to wait until after xmas but circumstances are right at the moment. It means no longer living with my ladies and I'm really upset about it but it's time to grow up and leave the nest. We are however, planning to move within the area so I'm sure they'll be lots of visiting!

Another weird thing in my life at the moment is the fact that I have developed a love of english folk music (I'm currently sticking to the young good looking boys - Seth Lakeman and Jim Moray but I can feel the love for the music increasing which is fills me with a wonderfully creepy dread!) Wrong, wrong, wrong.

The darkness is all around...actually I'm beginning to pull myself together a little. The last few weeks however have been terrible. I tend to shut down when I'm depressed and do and say very little (apart from "I'm going to my room to watch CSI" - comfort zones are very important, aren't they?). I have too much on my plate at the minute but I made a ridiculous over the top meal last night (prawn satay as a starter for goodness sakes!) and that always makes me feel a bit better. Also all those CD's that I ordered on ebay are turing up, which is fantastic. Maximo Park, Seth Lakeman and Jim Moray are all sending shivers down my spine. The others are rocking my world (apart from the Futureheads, which makes my head hurt - bloody shouty Mackems!)

Tuesday blues have extended into full on miserableness. No matter what I do things go wrong at the moment and people around me seem to having a bad time of it too. Feeling very down but sitting at the parents surrounded by dogs and watching The Simpsons so beginning to feel a little better...Also I'm spending too much money on ebay CD's. So far I have brought:

Bravery - The Bravery
Hot Fuss - The Killers
A Certain Trigger - Maximo Park
Futureheads - The Futureheads
Antics - Interpol

and bidding on:

Happiness in Magazines - Graham Coxon
Kitty Jay - Seth Lakeman
Sweet England - Jim Moray
Odyssey - Fischerspooner
Howl - Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
Bang Bang Rock 'n' Roll - Art Brut

That should cheer me up!

Got the Tuesday blues like you wouldn't believe...Have you ever had one of those days where everything goes wrong, where you can't get through to anyone on the phone, your email buggers up, you can't fill out a basic VAT return, you have mega healthy snacks and lunch but still somehow remain hungry all day so go and ruin it all by eating crap on the way home, you can't do the IT homework because your computer's a cunt, you only have 2 weeks (and 3 units) to finish the IT course, you fail a basic bookkeeping entrance exam that you thought you had a good chance of passing, you piss of all you friends because you're a miserable cunt, you run a bath to try and cheer yourself up and there's no hot water, you sit in your room listen to miserable songs while the darkness descends around you, you consider running away from everything ("would anyone really notice" says the voice in your head)...I really had too much fun at the weekend methinks...Tuesday blues are awful...

What I did at the weekend:

Friday - my leaving do from the old job which was fun. Certain thank yous which meant a lot, a wonderful leaving speech from the nice boss, a bottle of champagne from the landlady and landlord (wonderful, wonderful people you all must go to The City Darts in Aldgate East - they are perfect!), going to the Pleasure Unit and no-one was there, more champagne, taxis home, lots of laughing!

Saturday - we went to a circus themed club in Bethnal Green Working Mens Club run by Oh my God! I miss you. We got all dressed up as show girls, it totally rocked.

Check out Jessies site for more pictures!

Other things that happened in the age since I last posted:

Jessie went to desert and came back all hippie (trying to steal my crown young lady! No really it's actually really refreshing being around someone actually trying to be positive about things, makes a difference from the darkness in my head today!)

I started my new job - too early I think to say much more about it. I'm getting settled in, trying to get used to how quiet it is working alone in an office some of the time (so different from the last place with 18 staff and millions of participants to deal with!).

Attempting to loose weight yet again (mainly need to sort my health out!). Carla has suggested Weight Watchers but I don't know if I could bring myself to pay to be humiliated (sorry weighed in front of other people!)

Endless bickering and making up with the boyf

Sea kayaking (in a wet suit goddamn!)

My whole family had food poisioning for 6 days because of the place that I took them to for lunch!

Festival season over and done with. I'm too old for that shit anymore, it's just not fun to work for that long if you don't get to enjoy breaks and go and see the bands!

Note to Carla: I promise I won't leave it so long to update next time!

Once again I don't write anything for ages...lots has been happening though. I've got a new job which I'm really looking forward to. It's working for a guy whose just set up a festival and event production company; so a lot of it is setting up new systems. I really feel like I'm going to be challenged in a good way. Also I gonna have to start a bookkeeping course in January and doing a VAT course asap to get up to scratch on that front!

Other news:

Carla got 3rd degree burns at Glasto and hid for weeks but she's back on the circuit again demanding that we drink too much and have load of fun in inappropriate place (The Hilton for one!) Hurrah, hurrah, we love Carla!

Lornie and Yam (the boyf) are holidaying in Greece but she forgot her very important anti-biotics and so had to have me emergency mail them to her hotel!

Jess is almost in the US of A to work at Burning Man, we've had her goodbye from work party, her goodbye from friends party and next week we'll be having the goodbye from the house meal!

Richie is going to Edinburgh with a huge amount of shows - we wish him huge amounts for luck and good fortune - that boy is going to go far...

Helen has become a social butterfly, out every night having lots of fun and waking up every morning with the same statement "I'm so late for work, they are definitely going to sack me this time".

I've had my bag nicked with everything I own in it (trust me to keep a huge sack with me at all times!). Cards, phones, etc have had to be canx. Boring!

Stuff I've done:

Early July

Went to loads of shows at the National Theatre's Connections Festival. Fantastic, those young people really blew some 'professional' actors off the stage!

24th July
Lovebox, Victoria Park

Jess and I managed to get 4 comps tickets from our local community centre and then found out that our festival mates were working it and managed to get a few more tickets. Hel, Jess, Josh, Joe and Reece (who managed to get renamed Trixi at Jess' party!) and partied in the Lost Vaugeness arena.

27th July
Edinburgh preview double bill at Chelsea Theatre:

Bill Hicks: Slight Return and Confessions Of A Jingle Writer

The Bill Hicks thing was amazing, it took a while to remove myself from the "but it's NOT really Bill Hicks" thoughts but once I'd let go and allowed myself to enjoy it...he did it as Hicks coming down from Heaven to talk to us. The set was a mix of old Hicks routines and new jokes about American Idol, Coldplay, Live 8, Bush, Iraq, London bombers, Dennis Leary...all in all very funny and with a serious bit at the end. Go and change the world because I can't anymore theme!

Confessions Of A Jingle Writer was ok, quite funny in places but Tom was just too nervous. Lots of stammering, repeating and not enough content...it took over an hour to tell a story that could have been done in half that time. Also a bit too much of a Dave Gorman "it's my life funny" feel to it!

It's...too...hot...

The ladies went off to Glasto this morning. I really wish that I was with them. Work is too hot and bothersome to cope with. Life is too hot and bothersome to cope with...

I'm looking forward to the weekend though. Dash and Jan are visiting. I'm seeing Patti Smith perform Horses on Saturday night. I intend to eat, sleep and avoid the sun and very little else.

The desks are in but we didn't leave until around 11.30pm last night...the computers went in this morning and IT peeps checked them all and made all but two work (they need some extra bits which are now on order!). Telephones will go in on Wednesday and I'm now going home to rest...the cough is worse, earache is constant and my eyelids are heavy with sleep. I'm going back to bed!

So, here I am at work on an early Saturday morning - cold and flu lemsiping it to the max and trying not to cough on the builders! Hopefully the desks will be in by this afternoon and I can get the first layer of paint done this evening. Then tomorrow will be spent doing a couple more layers and then doing a matt varnish on them (boy/f is helping for the price of a slap up lunch, bless him). Monday will be taken up with IT and telephone guys (my savior's!) and then the new office will be finished. There's bound to be complaints from some staff...I'm really not cut out for this office manager lark. I like to organise things (ok, ok I love to organise things*) but the rest of it...aarrrgggghhhhh!

*as a child I converted my Barbie dream home into a book case and the books were in alphabetical order

The weekend was amazing - a whirlwind of no sleep, alcohol, mushrooms and behaving like a twat. Fantastic fun! I had to see The Bravery - thanks to Carla for carrying the gibbering mess that was me back to the stall afterwards! Missed everyone else due to having fun on the stalls and generally holding Lornie up and keeping her from biting punters.

We got back around 9.30am on Sunday morning and I then slept most of the day. Jessie, Hels and I then order the nicest Chinese take away that I have ever had and watched Batman and Robin (which is rubbish - I knew there was a reason why I hadn't seen it before!). Monday off work was lovely - loads of time to chill and recover fully (and spend some extra special times with my boyf).

Back to work on Tuesday and back to the horror that is work at the moment. I've taken over as an office manager but unfortunately I don't have any real experience of the computer side of things...I'm having a short, very sharp introduction to servers and I really don't like them. I really don't like the attitude of some people in the office either - certain people have been making what feels like personal attacks on me because things aren't working well. I don't actually have control over the drains, the water supply or the electricity supply you fucking idiots! I haven't gone out of my way to cut the water/electricity off in the whole of east London to fuck you up, have I? I'm really not sure what to do about it - in other areas of my life I'd say that I'm a pretty strong, self assured woman but the minute I'm in this office I feel like I can't say or do anything right...

Sam from The Bravery - wrong, wrong, wrong 

Good things about my life:

• Me and boyf being back on track - things are good at the moment
• Frappuccino Light (yummy, esp on hot days like today)
• Festival season starting (I've done One Big Weekend in Sunderland where it hailed for two days solid!)
• Spending a whole weekend with my baby bro for the first time in ages at foresaid festival
• Homelands this weekend with all the girls for Lornie's birthday
• Buying loads of theatre tickets and treating myself to Artist's Dates
• The new and worrying crush I have developed on Sam from The Bravery - see picture above!

Bad things about my life:

• Getting a bizarre, burning reaction on my hands two weeks ago. Woke up with a rash that developed into blisters and vomiting, it's still here and I look like some burns victim
• Being generally disrespected (and shouted at, in front of everyone else in the office) at work
• Crying at work because of the shouting
• Not being brave enough to tell them to shove their fucking job up their asses
• New glasses that hurt my eyes
• The general darkness that is all around - what the fuck am I doing...etc...

Ok, basically I don't post when I'm having a really crap time in my life and as I've been having the whole "oh my god, what the fuck am I doing with my life" thing, I didn't think that you'd be interested. I mean, jesus, I've bored myself stupid over the last 6 weeks.

Fun things from the last 6 weeks:

Went to see Stoning Mary at the Royal Court - really, really good. The repeating of words works really well. I loved the arguments with the voices in their heads made visible to us... Poetic, fast-paced, beautiful. I liked the way they were individual stories but all linked. Literally tears in my eyes at the end - really powerful imagery - I especially liked the blue stone (little things like that always stick with me for some reason...). The writer has been talking about the fact that the stories are based in Africa but transposed to the UK and how we 'don't get it'. To be fair we (the 'west') don't have any real concept of fighting over a AIDS prescription, child soldiers or being stoned to death so it's natural for us to repond to the relationships because that's what we know...

Went to see the Manic Street Preachers at Hammersmith Apollo (or whatever it's called these days!). I really didn't want to but y'know what bugger it, I love 'em! I'm really fucking love 'em - I don't give a shit that they're old and a bit boring these days, I mean I'm old and boring too. I'm not the angry 14 year old that used to shout their lyrics while swigging on vodka and smoking fags and lusting after Nicky Wire...oh, wait I still do that bit...(my truth is that I went for a meal before the gig and was drinking white wine!)

Less fun things from the last 6 weeks

I asked my boyf if he'd like to move in with me in a few months...but for gods sake I can't spend more than a weekend with him and not want to kill him at some point - I'm taking this growing up thing rather too seriously...

I changed my doctor and I'm finally getting treated well. I get really bad periods and I mean really bad. I vomit, I blackout with the pain, I stab random people on the street for looking at me funny (alright, I haven't actually done the last one but I certainly would like to!). My new doctor has changed my medication and is sending me for a scan.

I got promoted, YAY! But I haven't been coping too well as I really have no idea about computers and/or IT. I've been able to blag it before but I couldn't this time. I actually had to ask for...help...yuck!

Things have been a little crazy of late...starting with the wildness of the recent party. I mainly argued with people for the sake of it and got generally annoyed with other people…apparently I was lots of fun but I kinda started thinking about my level of drinking. I mean I do like a drink. In fact, I’m known for liking a drink but it’s beginning to get out of control. If I don’t remember the night before and I literally vomit for 2 day after, then it’s no longer any fun, is it? Here starts the beginning of me trying to be ‘controlled’ in my drinking…


…until Saturday maybe…’cos you can’t do ‘Scope sober…

…no, right this time I really mean it… etc…etc…

Vote for a later tube on Friday and Saturday nights here - lets drag this city into the modern age!

Party update here - I still feel a little bit sick!

Yay! I had to get up early this morning and start off one of our training courses at work...came home shattered to a dozen red roses! Hurrah!

We're currently getting the house ready for our party this evening - I'm a little over excited.

I'll update on the goings on tomorrow!!!

Carla came around last night and we all had a wonderful, yummy dinner and moaned about how we never really go out anymore! I'm in real need of a wild, drunken girls night out at our favourite club Bedrock and we have booked one in for end of Feb (it seems that growing up means that you have to schedule everything including hedonism!). Although we do have another house party before then but being the hostesses it means that you don’t really relax until much later in the evening (and, of course, by relaxed I do mean falling over drunk!).

Things are looking up on the job front – I’ve been offered more money (for more work!) but it’s defiantly what I was looking for and it means that I don’t have to leave just yet…Jessie’s had good news on that front – she will be working at Burning Man this summer (we’re all really happy for her after the jealous spitting finished!)

After some wise words from Jan-Jan and Lee (mum & dad!)
("Darling, if you didn't forgive people you'd have no lovers and no friends", "people make mistakes") I met up with the boy/f yesterday and we've laid down a few groundrules...and things are back on. Hopefully it'll all be ok! I'm certainly feeling a lot more positive about everything at the moment. I was great to have the parents down although I haven't seen them much because they've been sorting out my grandparents old shop but we managed to arrange me visiting Hastings in a couple of weekends and for them to visit London again in mid-Feb.

Today I'm planning to clean the house a little and then go to play badminton with Helski!

I am worth $1,660,820.00 on HumanForSale.com - should I be offended that my mates are worth more???

melodramatic, moi?

Boy/f front has changed again – he came round drunk and after some bad behaviour from me (after being woken up and laughed at!) he launched into an hour-long intimidating bullying session, which pretty much consisted of him shouting “CUNT!” in my face…not sure where we stand now. Morally, I shouldn’t take him back under any circumstances…emotionally, I miss my fucking boy/f. Taking him back however, would validate his behaviour, which cannot be allowed…
On the work front things are getting worse…I feel that I have been systematically belittled since I joined and after 2 years and 4 months I was at the point of believing that I can only do a job that a school leaver could do…but after a couple of recent comments (including “didn’t they teach you anything on that course of yours?” – a two year Arts Management course (!) and “you should maybe put these students details on a database” – what? Really? Thanks I hadn’t thought about that! and being told that I should spend “more money on clothes” – hello, some months I don’t have enough money to eat, let alone buy new clothes!) anger has got a hold of me and I’m thinking about fighting back. I have complained to the Board before but to no avail and I’m now at the point where I have to decide to either ask for a pay rise or leave. Much thinking is in order.

Hyperventilating! I can't wait!

The last few weeks have been pretty tumultuous - I have decisions to make, as those of you who know me I find this quite difficult at the best of times...I need to think about my job. I have a wonderful job, I'm rarely really bored (although there's only so much admin a girl can do without loosing the will to live!) but I really don't feel like I'm being pushed enough in the right directions. I constantly fire fight and have no time to think constructively about or plan for the future...the company has been in a particularly difficult period so I have been not asking for a pay rise, not rocking the boat but we're still in this 'difficult' period over a year later and I'm beginning to feel stuck. There's a more senior job going which some people in the office have suggested that I go for but it's an awful lot of work for not much money (although so much more than I'm on now!) and I'm not sure if it's the right direction for me to take. It was great recently meeting up with my best friend from school (finally off tour and settled in one place for a while!). She reminded me that all I wanted from when I was 14/15 was to have my own theatre, producing my own productions, etc. It was nice to be reminded of this dream and acknowledge that I am on the right path but there's so much more that I need to grab for with both hands!

On the relationship side I have been with the boyf for almost 1 and 1/2 years now and we've both been pushing the boundaries of the relationship - good behaviour is out of the window! This has however led to an understanding that we do want to be together but we both need to spend some time sorting out our 'careers'!

Friendship front - I had a lovely evening at the Turkish Baths with Helski and Jessie on wednesday. It was really good to catch up and have a good old girly bitch and scrub down!

This weekend the boy/f is coming over for a quiet Friday night (this month is frugal beyond belief), Saturday we're going to meet his sister for a wander round Brick Lane and Spitalfields Market and on Sunday (if I have money left!) I'll be attending the wonderful Chris K's birthday meal and visit to the cinema!

This holiday season I have mainly:

- spent xmas day with boy/f (a wonderful day!
- received lots of lovely presents (although loads of grown up ones - is this a hint do you think?)
- had housemates families visiting (thanks to Jessie’s step dad for fixing everything in sight, thanks to Helski dad for joining in with our face pulling on the tube)
- a quiet new year with Lucy, Kev, Jess and Helski (boy/f turned up later) - full of champers, food and best friends - all you need from new year really!
- Jessie’s b/day - a stroll along the south bank, the snow slide at Tate Modern (I took photos at the bottom!), a pub, a meal at The Stockpot and homemade birthday cake
- bought a new camera phone
- bought a plug in sega and so have been playing Sonic the Hedgehog 2 obsessively for the last week
- thought a lot about what I want from 2005 - I spent a lot of last year being unhappy about various things and situations that I allowed myself to be put into...I'm not planning to let that happen this year

Resolutions include:

- to do more home baking
- to pass 1st degree in wicca (I bought a lifetime membership to Witch School in a hope to encourage this)
- to cycle more (and so far I have cycled to and from work twice - including in the rain!)
- to have more leisure time (or at least use it constructively)

p.s. my mobile phone is buggered so any of you trying to call me will be out of luck!

The last few weeks have been a whirlwind of events - lots of xmas parties and too many mince pies!

I've just waved goodbye to Lornie (off to Spain), to Hels (off to Bournemouth) and Carla (off to Liverpool). They are all away for xmas and Jessie goes on Friday morning; so the boy/f and I are going to be alone for xmas. I'm beginning to look forward it now - although at first I was very worried about it...sure it'll be coolio! I don't get paid until Friday so I'll have to go out and buy his presents then - still not sure what to get! Looked for designer t-shirts today, nothing...might have to rely on foodie presents! Overall, I've been a bit skint this year so friends have all had home-made chocolate truffles for pressies - they're really yummy! However, now everyone I know is making them!

Well, the housewarming party was amazing...didn't finish until gone 9am the next day! The standout moments were:

• Lovely presents from Fiona and Boosh (coffee candle burning and the tapestry up!)
• One rather drunk young man pissing himself (naughty!)
• Removing myself and boy/f from the party quite early on be rather dirty in my bedroom (don't worry, the door was locked!)
• Mickey having to be removed from my breasts numerous times (the e'd up little bugger)
• Standing inbetween a hard man and a tranny (y'know if you put tranny through the spellcheck it comes up with tyranny - how apt!) and telling them both to grow up and behave because they were really annoying!!!
• Lornie's Little Will (yay!) gurntastically having loads of fun
• Jess swigging on a bottle of brandy at 6am in morning
• Jesus, the hangover all of the following day

Sunday, having almost recovered the boy/f and I went shopping in Stratford (and got very little apart from food). We then came home and boy/f cooked a lovely meal (chicken - but I got a mushroom version) in the left over mulled wine - yummy!

Apart from that I've been doing loads of homework (with Lucinda from works help!). Although I'm now at college and blogging instead of doing my work - silly boo!

At the weekend I went to a friends birthday at Garlic & Shots and as I walked in I came across an adorable young man who I haven't seen in ages. We once spent a memorable night together in my bed when we were both in our teens, freezing to death (my parents house in Newcastle had no heating!) waiting for a micro dot to work. It never did...I have very fond memories of him and can't wait to see him again!

This weekend I'll be busy hosting a training course for work. Should be fun though as an old work colleague is doing it (one who I ended up out until 5am with the other week!) and a new work colleague is helping me host. Of course, I'm also hoping to learn a lot too!

I've almost sorted out my room at home and have written a rather obsessive list about all the other things that need doing in the rest of the house. I'm hoping to have them all done by 13th December because Hels and Lornie are back from South Africa then and it'll be great to have an almost finished house for them to come back to (plus it gives me a deadline to work to!)

I also sorted out my housewarming for the girls - keyrings with 'Mile End Rats' engraved on one side and their initials on the other - I hope they like them (I adore mine!)

So far this week I have:

Bought 3 new pairs of shoes (1 plain black dolly shoe, 1 dolly shoe with red butterflies on, 1 pair of slouchy black boots)
Stayed out till 5pm on a work night drinking lemon liquor in a Fashion St flat with a couple of ladies from work/ex-work and some ungodly young men.
Done a 20 mins micro-teach session as part of my City & Guilds 7302
Bought 2 pashminas (1 red, 1 black - all occasions covered!)
Got excited about our house warming
Drunk far too much
Talked to mates I haven't heard from in ages

YAY! YAY! YAY!

House warming party tonight - the house is beginning to look sorted, the fairy lights are up, my feather boa is hanging on the door (this is the crowning glory of any room I move into - the point I know that I am unpacked!), the invites have gone out, the beer/wine/vodka is being bought this afternoon...can't wait!!!

Whoop, whoop!

So, that last entry was bloody depressing wasn't it?

I'm feeling better, pay day has been and gone...I'm late at work waiting for Helski to turn up and us to drop our stuff off at the new house. We're finally moving in tomorrow (at last!). The last 5 weeks have been stressful and emotion filled. There were a few rough patches with the boy/f while we got used to living in such a close proximity, lots of tears, missing of best friends (who were all over the other side of London or visiting relatives and friends), the dark circles are still around my eyes, dealt with illnesses (of my own and other peoples), I haven't mediated, no exercise, writing of lists and plans of what I'll do "when I move in", I met the boy/fs parents (who are lovely!), got so drunk at a colleagues leaving party that I slept for the whole weekend following, went to see Antony and the Johnsons (beautiful, beautiful, beautiful), listened to the new Manic Street Preachers album (online only, still haven't got around to buying it...), worried, got angry at boy/fs housemates (it's so difficult to be nice all the time especially when people are weird and obsessive!) - blah, blah, blah - I'm just looking forward to going back to my own room and to be surrounded by my own things! Can't wait to see my wonderful ladies again (I'm even looking forward to seeing Jessie in the mornings!)

I feel so rundown at the moment. I'm actually being looked after really well by the boy/f and Carla but after almost three weeks in strange beds my back is beginning to ache and I'm really bloody tired. The dark circles are taking over my face...and I'm literally drinking rescue remedy by the bottle.

I'm missing my ladies so much that I could cry...

I've run out of money...(I've been living off Jessie's bill money which I'll have to pay back out of my deposit, when it bloody comes!)

My blonde roots are showing really badly...

Work is suffering because I keep having to hold back bloody tears...

I'm currently skiving from my college course because I haven't done any of the work and am really worried about getting it done...

I really can't wait to move in to the new house, to have a room of my own (and bed!)

I suppose that I should write a bit about what's going on in my life re: the homeless situation...we got the house that we went for (YAY!) but we can't move in until early November so we're sofa surfing at the moment. I've spent a week at the boy/f's snapping and bickering - I adore the boy but we have trouble living together in a small room with a single bed and a sofa chair to sleep on! We're both so used to doing our own thing...so I'm currently staying at Carla's some nights and his on other nights. I'm getting very little sleep and I'm slowly running out of clothes (in fact I ripped my trousers today so I look like a real pikey!) so instead of going out tonight I'm going to Carla's putting on a wash, having a shower and going to bed. There's dark circles under my eyes, I'm sleeping on public transport and I'm yawning almost constantly (not giving a good impression at work). Just 2 and 1/2 more weeks of it though!

Via Darian

...copy the list on to your blog, put in bold the ones you have listened to (completely from begining to end) and then add three more albums that you think people should have heard before they turn into their parents - remember, it isn't necessarily your most favourite albums but the ones you think people should listen to... and when we say listen we mean from track one through to the end...

If you put a link to your follow-on post in the comments of the site where you found it, the chain will be trackable. Maybe!

1) Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band - The Beatles
2) London Calling - The Clash
3) Blood Sugar Sex Magik - Red Hot Chilli Peppers
4) Think Tank - Blur
5) This is Hardcore - Pulp
6) Moon Safari - Air
7) Elastica - Elastica
8) Never Mind the Bollocks Here's the Sex Pistols - Sex Pistols
9) OK Computer - Radiohead
10) The Kiss of Morning - Graham Coxon
11) Ziggy Stardust and The Spiders from Mars - David Bowie
12) The Wall - Pink Floyd
13) Setting Sons - The Jam
14) America Beauty - The Grateful Dead
15) Toxicity - System of a Down
16) Train a Comin' - Steve Earle
17) Folksinger - Phranc
18) Come From the Shadows - Joan Baez
9) Bat out of Hell - Meatloaf
20) The River - Bruce Springsteen
21) The Very Best of Joan Armatrading - Joan Armatrading
22) Copperhead Road - Steve Earle
24) (What's the Story) Morning Glory - Oasis
25) The Fat of the Land - The Prodigy
26) Suede - Dog Man Star
27) Kylie - Impossible Princess
28) Michael Jackson - Thriller

29) Antony And The Johnsons - Antony And The Johnsons
30) Apoptygma Berzerk - Welcome To Earth
31) Pachelbel - Canon

Ok, ok the last one is a piece of music that's on loads of collections but it's the most beautiful thing in the world...I used to live with Michael (ex-Catholic Priest, gay, over 5o!) and Jessie and this was our 'song'. We used to listen to it lying on our grotty living room carpet and let it wash over us.

Antony (recent toured with Lou Reed) has got a voice of an angel. There's certain notes that hit you right in the centre of your being and tears just fall because you ache so much...I've listened to the album millions of times but it still gets me every time. I actually have knots in my stomach and tears in my eyes just thinking about it. I'm actually going to see him on 2nd November - god knows how I'll react when he's singing the flesh!

Apoptygma Berzerk - Welcome To Earth reminds me of the worst time of my life so far. My finance and I were going through a very bad time (in fact we split up not too long after I started to listen to this) but I still think that it's an amazing album. It mixes synth-pop and trance and works (so many don't...).

It's been really hard not to put down the albums that are my favourite or those which I know shaped my life (Generation Terrorists - MSP, Stone Roses - Stone Roses, any Smiths album, Pixies - Doolittle, any Bob Dylan, etc, etc the list is actually endless).

We have to move out of the old place by Friday but we've managed to sort out somewhere to store all our stuff, which is such a weight off our minds.

Also, we saw the perfect house for us last night. You could literally feel the love flooding out of the house when they opened the door (bloody hippy!). The current tenants have really enjoyed living there and we got on with them really well. They are moving out on Saturday but there are a few repairs to do so it'll be a few weeks before it will be available.

One 'minor' problem is that another group of people like the house too. The landlords are going to meet both groups on Saturday which is a really good idea, seems really wonderfully personal that they want to get to know who is living in their house (makes much more sense than the money grabbing lot that we've dealt with in the past!). Jessie had to write an email to them this morning explaining who each of were and why we'd like to live there. She copied us all in and our general bit read like this:

"We are a very close group and have been living together for three years. Boo and I went to uni together and Lorna and Helen have been best friends since they were young. We all met through mutual friends and hit it off immediately. We have lots of fun and enjoy going to gigs and going clubbing. When we're not out, we love cooking big meals for lots of friends and chatting over a few bottles of wine. We like to go on holiday together and have visited friends in Turkey, Madrid & Brussels. We also usually take a holiday in Spain at the end of the summer to relax."

Which basically makes us sound really, really cool! So fingers (and toes) crossed for us on Saturday.

Massive thanks go out to all the friends that have offered us spare rooms/sofas to crash on etc.. It really makes you realise how important good friends are. So many people would (and have) been straight on the streets with little/no support and no idea how to get any support. We're all really lucky that we have so many wonderful friends.

I know, I know...but this time I have a really good excuse for not updating!

We may be homeless by the end of next week (due to landlord putting house up for sale, us putting in our notice, a huge fire next door that smoke damaged our house, landlord taking house off market and immediately renting out to other people with a huge rent increase, us not being able to afford anywhere at the moment due to silly students paying well over the odds....blah, blah, blah...).

We've been seeing lots of awful, overpriced properties but the one that topped the cake recently was on where Jess actually put her foot through the rotting floorboards, they wanted £360 a week...

So, before all of this happened I was having a relaxing holiday in Spain. Well, it didn't start as relaxing...I'm terrified of flying so I'd taken some of Lornie's diazepam. My panic was only slightly held under control by the fuzziness of the pills...I was distracted on the plane by a lovely woman who gave me and Jessica scones and sweets. Which made us very happy!

2hrs later we're in the heat of Spain waiting for Lornie and Carla to pick us up...I hastily change into my flip-flops...they arrive, we drive to the Villa. My first time in Spain, I look out of the car at the arid, brown, landscape. The mountains are fantastic. We eat and then swim in the pool at dusk, and to bed to prepare for the following week.

Most memorial things from the holiday:

Geckos join us...wherever we are.

The wild waves at Javier/Xavier beach, we swim out to a slide in sea and dive deep into the water.

I turn a beautiful brown...

The ladies being kicked off the karaoke (Champagne Supernova doesn't only have one chorus!)

Ice-cream shop in Moraira (pine nut ice-cream and fig ice-cream, I LOVE you!)

Saxo's nightclub (note to self: when drunk don't go to nightclubs where English people that you dislike at home are getting drunk and trying to fuck each other, also avoid expensive drinks and the bull fighting video footage...)

Reading Chit Lit (it's really like a drug, you know it's wrong but you can't stop...there should be meetings for this sort of thing!)

Getting to know Ms. Parr better, you fucking rock!

In fact, you all fucking rock - I had a brilliant time! Let's book next year now (well, as soon as we've got a house sorted out anyway..)

I know, I know..it takes me ages to write anything on here but I haven't got internet access at home and work is a bit hectic at the mo!

So since I last wrote I had two weeks off during which I did everything I planned to (see July 14th entry!)

There was a fire in the house next door to us. Quite late at night. Jess, Shaz and I were the only ones up and we had to run around waking everyone else up and getting them out of the house because the smoke was really bad. We had to wait on the pavement nearby for over 4 hours while an huge number of fire engines tried to fight the blaze. A huge panic for us all which we got over by lusting over the firemen...I've never seen the attraction before but y'know when they save your life...

I had a break in Cumbria with work...doing teambuilding exercise, it’s a three-day event of trust work alongside developing new skills. Our time was well spent bonding...actually, mainly I got wet in the rain, wet in the lead mine, wet on the walks, cold in the bed and I almost drowned too. Well, I say almost drowned, what I mean is I was in a small boat with Shelley in the middle of a lake, not able to 'steer', with no tutor and with a large steam boat making its way towards us...I didn't panic though. No, not me - I said in a very loud, posh voice "Shell, I'm really not enjoying this anymore!" What larks! All those childhood games being part of Swallows and Amazons didn't help at all...God knows what will happen if the Famous Five games didn't sink in and I come across smugglers at the seaside or thieves on the moors!

From Cumbria I went straight to V2004 to work on Herbal Highs, Oxygen Bar, etc. Really, really good fun - I only managed to see The Pixies...we managed to drink the alcohol that was meant for the whole weekend on the first night...and have to many herbal highs...and Hels managed to fall off a chair she was dancing on and fall onto a plug...into her heel (it's an inch and a half deep!).

Last weekend I went to Reading Festival Jess and I had got VIP tickets for the Saturday 'cos there was a line up we couldn't miss. Lorna, Hels and Carla were working on the Vodka Jelly stall so we stayed over on the Saturday night. Carla's had a new man there - the lovely Liam, he was lots of fun and we all bonded with him (mainly by throwing things at him and shouting his name to be fair).

From the bands, I saw a bit of Razorlight (Libertines-alike, really good fun), New York Dolls (er, no-one wants to see that...I love the music though), a bit of The Roots (boring jazz stoners), Franz Ferdinard (rocking but very quiet), The Libertines (OH...MY...GOD...I am so in love with Carl!), Morrissey (me alone in a field with lots of other people alone and we all knew all the words...wonderful, wonderful, wonderful), The White Stripes (Jeeesus, Jack White....he even looks good with a goatee). I then went back to the Vodka Jelly stall to find that Jess had started a B-Boy circle and there were loads of people around demanding Dizzee Rascal! So we all went onto drink too much, snort too much (although I managed to say no - I had the worst cold and I wasn't gonna make it any worse) and down to many vodka jellies!

Jess and I slept in the van with one cover between us (which Jess stole and wouldn't give back!) and managed to get up in the morning and open the stall...we were meant to go as soon as everyone else got up but we ended up drinking more whiskey and beer and not leaving until around 6pm...the train home was wonderful until Staines when some horrible little brats got on and were really loud (one laughed like he was weeping - what a little git!).

Got home on Sunday evening where I was joined by the young man, that's all going fantastically too - horribly in love still I'm afraid. We just had our 1 year anniversary for which he got me the biggest bunch of flowers and a bracelet and we went for the nicest meal...

We got the photos back on Monday evening and they are fantastic - literally all the girls hanging from the rafters of the stall!!!

Next Monday we go to Spain to stay in Lornie's parents villa for 10 days - can't wait! Lots of relaxing, swimming and general girly-themed fun! Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah!

So, my 2 weeks off work were fantastic. I will do a bit more of an update soon however, I'm now off to Cumbria. A work-based adventure week in Cumbria...those of you who know me personally will know that this isn't the sort of holiday I should be taking - I should be by the swimming pool relaxing with a cocktail (alright, cocktails) and then going to the nearest city for cultural visits!

From Cumbria I'm going straight to V2004 - which I'm really looking forward to. There's a really cool gang working it...should be lots of fun...

Update soon, honest guv!

You Met The Libertines And . . . . by luvmymets
Your Name/Username
Your birthday
Your favorite color
Location
Peter had to restrain himself from	sticking his tongue down your throat.
Carl reached into his pocket and gave you	a picture of Pete in a compromising position.
John was especially fond of	the junk in your trunk.
Gary asked you to	do the Hustle.
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

I had an argument with the boy/f on Sunday - our first big, non-drunk argument that is (in 11th months that's pretty good!). Basically we hadn't done anything all weekend and lots of things we're said...about me. The fact I don't want to see his mates, that fact that I don't want to do anything at the weekend, that I don't come over to his house and that I'm always tired. some of these are fair enough comments, I am always knackered at the weekends...'cause I work bloody hard during the week. However, that fact that I don't go around to his is that he has a single bed (and anyone that knows me is aware that I don't fit into a single by myself let alone with someone else too!)..anyway, he's got a single sofa bed now which means that I can start to spend more time there. I then say I'll come over to his on Monday night and he says "nah, I'll come to yours" - bloody men!

Blah, blah, blah.

I have two weeks off work and broadband has been cut off at home so it'll be quite for a bit!

Plans for the next two weeks:

Visit grandparentage
Go to a leaving do for a work colleague
St Martin in the fields concert (if I can wangle freebies)
Go to The Libertines exhibition at Proud Camden
Go to Bournemouth
Go to a posh do at a posh hotel (free drinks and nibbles)
Go to Godskitchen Global Gathering

Lots of fun!

OH. MY. GOD. Philip's new play Moonfleece was amazing...racism, homophobia, right wing political parties, distorted childhood memories, princes, dragons, sparkles...I love his writing so much. Telling 'fairy' stories that reflect the 'real' story...so beautiful.

Big Gay Out was great! We didn't leave the stall all day and I got visited by loads of ex-Ticketmaster people and well as loads of mates - fantastic day!

Richie and I went to see Cruel and Tender at the Young Vic on Tuesday which has been called 'A superb emotion-charged performance' by The Guardian..but I disagree there were some interesting ideas, some okish acting but on the whole it was pretty dire. No energy on stage at all and when Amelia went mental and covers bed, props, etc in blood I didn't even draw in a breath...it was so boring...all actors dropping lines, they also seemed quite lost on stage, as if they hadn't been given any direction at all and didn't know where to stand...perhaps we caught them on an off night but to me it was possibly one of the most boring pieces of theatre that I've seen in a long time (and I've been to WEST END MUSICALS!!!)

One thing in its favour was that it has now added the action of *rubbing shards of cut glass into my hands* during painful moments into our lives...the action of committing hari-kari was a left over from boring uni lectures and it was getting a little dry and over used.

Wednesday was much better - Discontented Winter: House Remix by Bryony Lavery at the National as part of their Shell Connections season ("the world’s leading youth theatre programme producing quality new writing for and about young people"). It was fantasically funny, brilliantly acted and a great night out for only £6!

Yesterdays play, however, Dead End by Letizia Russo was very strange...about a group of young people worshipping a new God, their actions and a fight to be the new God...and souls were bouncy balls...err, ok...so afterwards we needed a drink. We went up to The Vibe Bar on Brick Lane 'cos my mate from work, Bid was DJing (no, sorry, 'playing out'...how cool am I?). Lots of drunken fun!

Tonight, it's the new Philip Ridley play Moonfleece. I'm so excited...and managed to convince the boy/f to come along (had to bribe him with dinner before hand!)

This weekend will be spent cleaning the house. The landlord called and let us know that he was putting the house on the market and that we had two months notice to quit...so anyone know of a 4 bedroom house in the East End near to the N25 bus route do let me know!

So, of course I got too drunk at the meal and had to get up the next day really early...it was worth it though. I got to the festival to be told that I wouldn't be working with Lornie and Carla but with Pat on the temporary tattoo stall. I was a bit disappointed at first but then once I'd been introduced to Pat and shown how to do the spray painting tattoos I adored it! And Pat really knows how to do a festival in style...her own private toilet, an inflatable double bed (!), fridge full of cocktails and food galore! Phillippa (the other person on the stall) and I were treated like Princesses! I am never slumming it at a festival again!!!

Apart from that over the last couple of weeks I've seen The Exception and the Rule by Bertolt Brecht and The New Tenant by Eugène Ionesco as part of the Young Vic's Direct Action season. The Exception and the Rule was pretty dire but The New Tenant was fantastic. Really witty.

Went to see The Soldier's Tale at the Linbury Studios with Damaris which was also fantastic.

I went on a massive girlie night involving quite a few Kir Royals , then into town for FREE jugs of cocktails X2!, and then onto Bedrock...we ended the evening magically aquiring a midnight feast which we ate most of on the night bus home!

The next day I video'd a friends play. I was meant to be getting close ups but I had a stationary tripod so it was an absolute bugger - literally had to shove it about...managed to get a few good cut aways though...I then went on to see Cardboard Citizens New Music Ensemble perform at Shoreditch Church. The Chris' and Richie turned up to watch too. It was a really moving performance. I do like contemporary music - you can almost meditate to it (and during the boring bits think about things like shopping lists etc!). Afterwards we met up with the boy/f and we all went for a nice curry on Brick Lane.

I had a week off work, spent a couple of days in Hasting with parents and grandparents...shopping in Bexhill charity shops...coming back to London, doing boring shopping, spending the day with Courts, Lornie Lucy, and baby Grace.

Weekend plans - maybe trying the new Xfm club tonight and working Big Gay Out on Saturday...Sunday recovering!

Next week - theatre almost every night!

YAY! YAY! YAY!

Whoop! Someone dropped out of doing the Download Festival this weekend on the Vodka Jelly/Herbal High stall so I'm filling in!

Hurrah, my first festival of the summer! Can't wait, should be really fun (although last time I did Download I think I saw about 2 bands!). Although it does mean getting up really early tomorrow and getting in pretty late on Sunday night (I have taken monday morning off because as my boss put it "ok - i presume u will be no use anyway after a weekend on the vodka jellies").

Reminder to self: don't get too drunk this evening having curry with mates...DON'T get too drunk this evening having curry with mates.

Half-inched from Darian





You are Taki -

Admired for your style and fresh approach to life, you are the Japanese femme fatale!
Deceivingly innocent, you are actually a devil in disguise. You love to show off, but behind that
flamboyant and sometimes uncaring personality, you definately care for and stand up for your friends.
Just one flaw, you can be annoyingly hyper and bouncy!! However this can be just what a friend needs
after a boring day.

Which Soul Calibur character are you?


this quiz was made by david park

Bloody hell, I was doing a media deprevation week as part of The Artist's Way thingy that I'm doing and the only thing that I didn't break it with was blogging (telly on day one, radio at work, etc).

One thing that's been a great tool on The Artist's Way is you have to write down 50 things, people, place that make you happy in your life at the moment - really good for assessing what you really enjoy!

Because of the course I have also learnt the sign language alphabet, joined a short Spanish for Holidays course and am enjoying walking to work again (and sometimes without headphones plugged in at full volume!).

It's also pushed me enjoy myself in other ways. There's a thing called artists dates - basically two hours to yourself each week doing something 'creative and fun'. So, I've been to exhibitions by myself instead of waiting for a mate to go with me and then missing them, listened to concerts at St Martin in the Fields, been to see The History Boys at the National Theatre. I've also been seeing friends - outside those at home! Damaris for the Cecil Beaton exhibition and apple crumble at Cafe in the Crypt . Darian for a catch up on his blossoming porn career over Brick Lane Curry. Last night at S&M Chris' for 4 episodes of Angel season 5 and pizza.

Next week I have Tenebris' new play and Lornie's birthday dinner. Should be lots of fun especially as Lornie's been ill. She was in hospital with Kidney Infection and is now recovering at her parents in Bournemouth...

The company I work for is involved with the Ten Feet Away festival. It's the first major week-long festival of arts by homeless and former homeless people, running from April 13th - 18th at the Union Chapel. There's films, theatre, music, free refreshments and internet cafe throughout the festival. Have a look at the art that has been loaded onto the website here. I went to the launch on Tuesday night with Richie and Chris K - really interest some amazing art upstairs and performances downstairs. If you can get down there I would - only £2.50/£5 for an evening full of fun!

And, of course, Jessie and Courtney got kisses from Pete Libertine and they got a pint from Carl Libertine - FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!

Had a lovely Good Friday...stayed in my favourite lazy pj's all day (ghost bottoms from Old Navy, New York - YAY!) and watched telly ( The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe, the Jungle Book and Mary Poppins) and worked on my artists way stuff. I'm finding the morning pages quite hard work. It's the exercise of writing 3 pages...stream of consciousness when you first get up. I'm very much a non-morning person and find it difficult to talk before that first mug of steaming hot coffee so the thought of writing is very hard. Of course, Julia Cameron would just say that this is my inner critic trying to stop be being creative! Some of the other weekly tasks are interesting though, kinda looking at your life, your past and thinking about how things have effected your approach to your own creativity...

Today I had lots of plans to go and see some art but cleaning and bad weather got in the way and Jessie's mum was visiting and then Lucy, Kev and baby Gracie came around to visit!

I should really be going to see The Libertines tonight at The Coronet in Elephant and Castle for the Don Letts night but instead I checked my bank balance and there is no way I can afford £15 for the ticket and buy drinks in there...I fucking hate being poor...

Although next month I will be making sure I have enough money for the brand spanking new Morrissey album at the moment of release! Am so over excited, the new single is just fantastic...

Well, well, well after many a moon with no serious clubbing (and when I have gone out it's been boring!) I finally managed to go out to Candy Box and have a damn good time. Didn't get home till well gone 5pm and I really should still be bed recovering but, no at work, feeling pretty rough...still no work tomorrow. I plan to stay in bed for the whole day - hurrah!

Saturday was spent tidying Grandparents house as the occupational therapist is coming to view it with Granddad today...it was ok doing it with a big gang of us. Although it was quite depressing there were good bits of the day - finding birth certificates, wedding certificates, Granddad's CV and old photos was really interesting. It was really hard seeing him in the hospital though...he's going a bit loopy in there and we can't wait to get him out (nor can he, he keeps trying to escape!).

Me and girls went for a Turkish (and Russian) Bath the other week up at York Hall. It was amazing. We got taken under the wing of a loud, bossy Turkish women who covered us in this soap that we had to leave on for ages, rinse off and then she scrubbed us into oblivion - undoubtedly removing any dead skin and I'm sure the top layer of fresh skin. The whole day did wonders for all my skin bar my face, which has become a spotty and itchy rash-themed playground (that may have been the heat though).

Whats does your personality rate from 1-10? by morning_prayer
Your first full name
Your personality rates a	12
your best quality is	you dont need friends
your worst quality is	you get depressed sometimes
this is because	Its who you are
Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0!

This is fun - although you kinda see how little I've seen the UK (bearing in mind I've ignored the places I've toured to 'cos you only really see the venue itself! So it's places I've lived and visited for a longish holidays).

I've visited the counties in yellow. Which counties have you visited? made by marnanel map reproduced from Ordnance Survey map data by permission of the Ordnance Survey. © Crown copyright 2001.

Spent today doing accounting catch ups for work - boring you'd think but it's actually been really fulfilling!!! Can't wait for tomorrow to finish the whole accounting year!

Once again, I leave it ages to write in this blog - I don't seem to be doing as much as I used to! Clubbing is pretty much down to a bare minimum, family is a bit hectic at the moment - Granddad in hospital (and been trying to break out!), we've decided to start getting rid of the business (which both Grandparentage have been working in full time...Granddad was 80 last year...Nana's been ill on and off for the last few years - crazy Maloney stubbornness methinks!). Things with the young man have been going very well - he's even invited me to meet his parents over (*vomits*).

Work as always is pretty hectic...

Otherwise recently I've decided to start swimming twice a week - but of course have only managed once a week...I do feel much better for it though (although I walk to and back from work - 90mins solid walking it doesn't seem to have made a jot of difference to my health!). Started doing the Artist's Way at Work. I started the Artist's Wayages ago and never quite got into it but hopefully this time I'll complete the 12 week programme. It's very much about clearing your 'blocks' replacing them creative productivity. A bit of a head spring clean!

Went to see The Pillowmanat the National Theatre on Saturday night - really fantastic bit of theatre. I love dark, brooding plays with a lot of humour in them! Literally laughing out loud during some bits and then suppressing the urge to leave in disgust at others.

There's so many plays that I want to see at National at the moment but you really have to trawl through and find those £10 tickets!

I LOVE the Libertines!!!!

Bugger, bugger, bugger...you know when you do something that you really regret...I really shouldn't be allowed a phone when I'm drunk. The boyf hinted that my housemates may have got me something for my birthday that I'd told one of them I didn't want (so after a very short amount of time I came up with tickets to the Libertines...).

So, being terribly rational way (yay, whatever) texted them in Madrid (on a holiday that I couldn't afford or take time of work to go on - so feeling a bit left out anyway). Pretty much been a bitch...I LOVE the Libertines, I do want to see them again, but I also want to see all my friends and my boyf on my birthday...but I got into a majorly weepy moment about the fact my housemates never listen to me...etc.

Also a very busy week at work, I feel over at the beginning of week and have sprained my ankle, loads of people have cancelled for birthday drinks on Sunday (one or two I can understand but loads - that means that no-one likes me, right?) and as you may be able to tell by my totally rational and un-psychotic behaviour, I having the worst period of my life.

Blah, blah, blah...fuck it. When I fuck up, I tend to do it spectacully!

Well, as Darian (Hey, Mr. Porn Star) says in true Boudicca fashion, I have written nothing for ages and now I'm going to list endlessly the things I've been doing!

Rocky Horror was ok, managed to get up and sing/dance along without too much embarrassment...it actually fact, it was quite good fun (and bumped into Darian - YAY!)

Errrr, haven't actually done too much else...invited boy/fs mates to The Museum of Everything at the Drill Hall, a comedy evening (which involved an old school mate of mine, Danny Robins - have a look at their website for more info- they really are very funny indeed!). I invited them because the last time we met (at boy/f birthday meal) things didn't go so well...in that, one of my best friends used to go out with boy/fs best friend and they were both there...and the other friend just didn't seem to like (as we know I'm fantastic and adorable, so fuck knows what their problem was). Anyway, making the effort, I invite them out to something I know that they'll like. Do they turn up? Nope. Bastards (I can feel the bile rising as I type).

Ooohhh, there was a 31st birthday which went well until boy/f got too drunk and almost started a fight with an ex-marine...he really did suffer badly the next day though!

A major girly day on Sunday 8th. Up to Ruislip (see how far we are willing to travel for food) with Carla, Lornie and Jessie for a major slap-up lunch.

Valentines went very well indeed...spent most of the weekend in bed only to rise for food and lager.

Oh, god, yes the major news of the recent times - Lucy and Kev have had baby girl. Grace Arthurs born around 7am on 15th February with lots of reddy brown hair, bluey green eyes and 6lbs something. Welcome to world, little one xxx

Went for a quiet drink last night with boy/f ended up at a Shoreditch art exhibition with a free bar...*vomits* *drinks 3 pints of water* *cries* "why, why, why???"

Suddenly, I have nothing much to do this afternoon...work "to do" list depends on other people getting back to me.

I wrote up a project timetable for all our training courses and then added everything to my task list in outlook express - booked till mid-march! I'm gonna start helping with applications to trusts/foundations and general marketing for the next few months because our fundraiser is leaving next week.

Actually went out on my bike last night - rode around for 45 mins or so - really good fun but the bike does need sorting (it kept making crunching noises!)

Have got SINGALONGA ROCKY HORROR at the Prince Charles Cinema tomorrow (which I'm still not sure I'm going to enjoy but it is free and I'm going with Richie and S&M Chris, so might be ok - I'll let you know)

Got on the guest list for 'Scope this Saturday with boyf and the house rats are coming too. Should be fun!

I hate the January blues...must get myself out of this hole, can't get out of bed, can't be arsed to walk to work, can't be arsed to go out clubbing, "I'm knackered", can't arsed to read any books (I have many currently by my bed...waiting...), I was so tired last night I was horrible to one of my housemates (just because I was being over sensitive!), can't revise...

Trying everything to get out of it - decided to start a new course - but everything that I want to do is during the day or on evenings where I have other things planned already. Invited an old school friend around for dinner last night - who I haven't seen for ages - but we spent the night yawning and curled up on my sofa (very enjoyable but when you think that we used to drink cheap, white cider together and dance for hours and hours!).

Tonight I wanted an early night...say 7pm? but Child of Our Time is on (which is fantastically interesting) and Shameless (which is a fantasic flashback to my childhood...that's a joke, daddy, as me and baby bro always woke you up before taking money from your pockets!!!)

Although, of course as a feminist I do agree with him but as a post-modern feminist, I feel that although I have the right to be an independent, self sufficient women with no need for love or a man; I can still demand the right to be a proper girly girl and I need to be told that my man loves and adores me!

So this year I decide - no resolutions 'cos they never work but instead I try to think about aims for the whole of the year but..*yawn*...they end up pretty much the same as those resolutions that I break every year...loose weight...stop biting nails...work harder...spend more time with friends...etc.

January blues are on me with a vengeance...

Plus my boy/f (who is wonderful in every way except one) -refuses to tell me he's in love with me...he agrees that yes, he has all the feelings that suggest he is in love with me but no, he won't say it because it doesn't really mean anything - love isn't a real concept apparently! Fuckwit...

Well xmas and new year have been and gone...very enjoyable time indeed but with no internet access sorted at the new place I haven't been able to update.

An advance from work made it a little easier to buy presents since I found out that pom-poms are great but don't suit all tastes!

My family were staying at mine - mum, dad, little bro and Jess and her boy/f Shaz were staying in London due to work commitments (note to self: never work in a Church over xmas!)

We had xmas dinner on xmas eve to reduce stress on the day - halal meat and loads of veg - really fantastic meal. My first, may I add...

Xmas day was very lazy...present opening didn't start until past 2pm..I got a few interesting books, some smellies, etc - no big present as I've been promised an creative zen jukebox MP3 player for my birthday in March (YAY!).

Jessie's mum and step-dad arrived in the evening for more presents and a buffet - um, more food.

The family were meant to be going to friends for boxing day lunch but they have, in true xmas fashion, split up...

So, we stayed in a watched the selection of DVDs that had been bought over (the house got a DVD player for xmas from Miss Carla Parr - hurrah!) and my present to the house was joining an online DVD club.

New year was quite a quite one for us - just a gang of us at the local pub - very enjoyable...but I had my first proper argument with the boy/f which seemed horrific until the morning when I found out that Jess and Shaz had actually split up (back together now - giving it another go).

Jess stayed in bed for two days with a major bout of vomiting and tummy bugness but got up for her birthday on 2nd - we had a lovely dinner for her and I made yummy cakes!

Since new years eve, our friend Courtney had been staying at our house...uninvited...he walked into my room without knocking on numerous occasions...leading to some embarrassment...told everyone he thought that he was schizophrenic (Attention Deficit Disorder more like) and then he came into my room (after 4 days and nights with us) when he'd been in the bathroom for over an hour, when I needed a shower...and told me he wanted labels for put on all his stuff so we wouldn't use it 'cos he was gonna leave it all at our house...I flipped...to say the least...but of course, he thinks that I'm in the wrong - nightmare!

January 7th - boy/f birthday - first chance for me to meet his friends (I know his best friend already 'cos he went out with house rat Lorna). We all went for beer, tapas and then more beer. Guess what, one of his friends? hates me! She sat saying nothing and glaring (or at least that's what it felt like!)

Back to work with a vengeance...but I did get to go to the premier of Cirque Du Soleil's Dralion last night - good show, best I've seen from them so far...much more comedy based and taking the piss out of themselves...we then went to the aftershow party at the Natural History Museum. Too busy really, but quite fun and I managed to get in a few glasses of champagne! Did a bit of C-list celeb watching...oohh, Michelle Collins! Also bumped into too many Ticketmaster people! (I am ex-Ticketmaster (mistress?); see I have done my time in hellish call centres!)

Failed to keep so many resolutions already - I've been late for work, bitten my nails, eaten fatty foods, drunk too much...not managed to save any money...blurg...yay, 2004!

I have no money for xmas therefore I'm making friends xmas pom-poms!

I'm sure they will love 'em with all their hearts

"Libertines, I love you...Libertines, I do".

Taken from Darian

Instructions:
1. Copy this whole list into your journal.
2. Bold the things that you have in common with me.
3. Whatever you don't bold, replace with things about you.


01. I like to travel but the waiting in-between getting there is a chore I could live without.
02. I love long, warm autumn days
03. I'd like to write fiction.
04. I think vegetables are ever so yummy
05. I like writing in coloured pens.
06. I don't like the current US Administration
07. I love where I live but I wish I owned my own place.
08. I want to learn a language (not French though).
09. I love wandering around the old back streets in Soho.
10. I love dancing in the kitchen living room on my own.
11. I want to meet Peter Jackson.
12. I want to go to everywhere in the world from my armchair!
13. I have a great interest in my bicycle but I don't have the willpower or motivation to get on it.
14. I don't want people to hate me.
15. Some music makes me sad
16. I have a preference for British guitar music over American.
17. I wish I were more social
18. I LOVE warm socks.
19. I'm a total geek
20. I like getting things in the mail.
21. I'd like to think that I'd weaned myself off of my shite women's magazine addiction but I can't pass a copy of Glamour/Marie Claire/etc without having a peek.
22. I love the idea of being in love but the actual feeling is weird and almost unbearable sometimes...it takes my breathe away how much I'm in love with that certain someone.
23. I love sunshine and breeze.
24. I love to smell nice - my greatest weakness is bath potions and lotions.
25. I'm obsessive about checking my email
26. I like different kinds of music
27. I have one brother
28. I wear silver, not gold
29. I do like a bit of bling bling however.
30. I get stressed a lot
31. I like being alone
32. I like the idea of driving a fast convertible car with the roof down, knowing that I can't and may never drive (the world does not need a scatty Boo on the road!)
33. I hate loosing; this has led to my family and close friends refusing to place any board game with me at all (except Backgammon which I rock at and win anyway!)
34. I love my friends.
35. I take showers and baths (umm, power shower and long, hot, nice smelling baths)
36. I'm only now just realising I'm a grammar Nazi! (as I correct all the i's to I's etc)
37. I love being surrounded by those who genuinely care
38. I am selfish, to a degree.
39. I have a few friends who I am closest to.
40. I love sleeping
41. I spend too much money
42. I'm addicted to the net
43. I really shouldn't spend so much time filling out these things while I have a massive 'TO DO' list at work!
44. I love a tall, skinny latte with a cinnamon or hazelnut shot but can't buy due to my hatred of St****cks and Co***e Re*****c).
45. I want to leave a mark (I want a trust or foundation named after me when I die to support people wishing to get into arts administration - aiming low, I say)
46. I love Missy Elliott's music.
47. My place is usually spick and span! (although I have just moved so everything is still in boxes or flung across my floor)
48. I love the city
49. I used to play the flute/bass/recorder but my laziness stopped me from ever learning properly (although my dad shouting upstairs "shut that fucking racket up" may have also have an effect!!!).
50. I have a love hate relationship with vertigo. I love the thrill but I hate the fear (which is the same thing)
51. I don't think enough.
52. I love Indian food.
53. I love storms.
54. I have more than one best friend, if only because I don't know what other word to use than 'best friend'.
55. I love cooking.
56. I can't seem to get away sometimes
57. I hate jealousy (but it is one of my worst traits)
58. People very often mistake my patience for boredom.
59. I like when my friends write me letters, it makes me feel special.
60. I'm shy with big groups but very extrovert one on one.
61. I love hugs
62. I love kissing
63. I'm looking forward to pottering around in my garden.
64. I am lazy
65. I like being sarcastic
66. Only my lover or very close friends can touch my hair, I get freaked out if others do (and they do quite often - strangers like to 'ping' my curls)
67. I don't like organised religion.
68. I think belief should be personal and private.
69. Sometimes I don't know why my friends like me
70. I believe in therapy to certain degree...shopping and chatting to friends can be counted a therapy in my books.
71. I dream in paranoia...
72. People who don't know me think I'm reserved
73. I love reading
74. My computer is slowly dying on me but it saw me through uni, a break up and many a move so bless it.
75. I wish I were thinner.
76. I laugh a lot
77. I like peanut butter and jam on toast.
78. I have faith in myself and others (most of the time)
79. I'm an ass woman.
80. I have friends that I love but don't trust.
81. I have a fetish for twin sets and pearls.
82. I like functional clothing that is a bit different from normal.
83. I no that I cannnttt sppel + it annoeis me cos my mum + dad r englise teechers + lik to do srbble games and kroswordes...
84. I don't idolise anyone, even my heroes.
85. I like being a child in an adult’s body.
86. I hate to sing, because I sound awful (I went to drama college as well surrounded by singers who sat around pianos and did west end tunes!)
87. I wish I knew what I wanted to do.
88. I haven't told everyone the whole truth about a lot of things.
89. I do get lonely but sometimes I like it.
90. There are people I trust more than others
91. I wish…(secret or it won’t come true)
92. I like making things, just for the joy of making things.
93. I like things that make me feel emotions
94. In hindsight I didn't like university much although I enjoyed it whilst I was there.
95. I lack motivation
96. I am extremely stubborn sometimes, just for the hell of it.
97. I really need to get with the technical jargon.
98. I want to see the aurora borealis
99. I'm very sentimental indeed, I have those notes/letters etc that you pass to each other in class...most people are happy to leave that sort of thing behind.
100. I want someone else to be the better person for once.

Crikey what a busy couple of weeks!

I've moved (with the whole gang) - absolute madness, moving everything is the house...packing during the weekend and getting a van from work for a few hours on the Monday - with the help of mine and Jessie's boy/fs (the sweethearts!)

Work hectic as always..tour's ending, rehearsals starting, endless meetings!

Majorly worrying 'bout xmas - lack of funds, lack of present ideas etc...

Sure it will all be fine...

Anyway, Suede gig tonight - hurrah!

General Update:

Friday 21st - went to see 'The Trouble With Richard'. It's a Shape and Graeae co-production for schools (Key Stage 3 so 11 -14 yr olds). It focuses on 13 yr old disabled student Richard and his move to mainstream school. It was a Forum Theatre piece (which is what the company I work for does) but they worked it in a different way to us...it was quite set and ridged, with not much room for experiementation...it was ok but not enough 'freedom' to make changes in Richard's life.

In the evening I went to Photoforum at Four Corners (part of Photomonth) with my young man. There wasn't particularly one photographer that stood out...at all...quite boring.

Raining all weekend, so I stayed in.

Currently, the house are all going to move (hopefully staying together and staying in the area) so I'm majorly scatty and unsettled. I find moving really difficult because I spent most of my childhood moving every couple of years or so and now like to be settled - I'm it'll all be ok though (hopefully)

Just reading through the website for the Virtual March info linked through from Little Miss Bitch's website and found the great resource Ask Aristotle - very useful and interesting indeedy...

This is a great article! I particulary like the bit about "I thought that he'd got a hobby"!!! Nutters, you gotta love 'um or they might bite.

Once again, it's been ages since I wrote anything (you can always tell when I'm busy at work!)

Training week went well, although massively knackered the next day, post-Manchester.

Went to see Madame Bovary on Friday 7th at Lyric, Hammersmith with my young man and Chris K and his young man. Interesting production, some wonderful visuals (esp. during Opera infidelity scene!) but all in all a bit boring as you don't really feel for any of the characters (yes, Emma's oppressed but she really does treat he husband like shit...).

Went to Hastings for Sunday, Monday and Tuesday. Sunday, the train only went as far as Battle so I had to be picked up by post-clubbing/xtc parents. Monday morning I did my mother's filing (having forced her to buy a filing cabinet some weeks ago). The afternoon was spent watching the open dress rehearsal of her new production. Really good fun, they are trying to move towards a Forum Theatre piece so the audience had a very interesting discussion at the end of the show about alcohol, support coming off the streets, post-prison information.

In the evening I attended a 'magical gathering'. I went along with Jan, Lee (Mum and Dad) and Fiona (family friend). The gathering was due to the lunar eclipse and a Grand Sextile in the sky. I'll be honest; I went in with a pretty closed mind. I've done plenty of spells, meditation etc. but have preferred to do things along on the whole. However, getting past the major crystal overload (felt seasick for a lot of the first 20 mins or so) I really got quite into it...and when Paddy started drumming I got all sorts of visuals. A wonderful kestrel at first standing on a fence and then hovering in the sky. I then started to go deep into the earth - actually feeling and smelling that dark, dusky, earthiness. Amazing.

On Tuesday my young man came down for the day...we pottered around the old town, ate fish and chips at the Mermaid, wandered by the sea, drank some beer in the FILO and then came home and collapsed.

Since then I have been relaxing at home!

Clubbing tomorrow night (After Skool methinks). Should be fun.

Went to see Hot Hot Heat last night - very rare to find a band that sound better live than on their records...very good fun (although couldn't go clubbing due to lack of funds and my newly found "old lady" syndrome*)

And also *breathe* *breathe* managed to get tickets for the Libertines Forum date in December (when there was only 30 something left for the upstairs bit!). Hurrah, hurrah!

Work side, gotta go to Manchester on Monday for the start of our training courses...wasn't expecting to go...don't want to go...have to go...blurg, means I won't get a full weekends worth full of lovin'...not bloody fair.

*Mustn't go out due to work, I'll feel tired tomorrow...busy, busy, busy...gotta get home to bed, mustn't drink too much - I'll feel awful etc, etc..

Plus, YAY blogger is back to normal!!!

So who saw that programme last night 'Does Prayer Work?'. It was about the Mantra Study in the US held over 3 years in 9 hospitals. The study took 750 people undergoing major heart surgery and 12 prayer groups prayed for 50% of them (double blinded the participants and the doctors didn't know who was being prayer for). Their health was monitored 6mths after their surgery.

The 12 prayer groups chosen included Christian mothers, a Buddhist group, an Islamic group (Sufi's in fact), Jews and a lone Christian.

The resulting stats on 5th September 2003, measured no significant difference between the health of the group prayed for and the group that were not BUT during the experiment another level of prayers were added in that another 12 prayer groups prayed for the original groups...this made a difference to the health of the participant 'double' prayed for!

Another finding of the study was that the use of MIT (music, imagery and touch therapy) reduced patient distress significantly but gave no long-term medical benefit (and in fact may have reduced the patients chance of survival).

The most interesting thing about the study was the reaction of the groups to each other and also the effect of September 11th.

The Christian Mother's and a Christian preacher were the most bigoted bunch of bastards! The preacher wanted religions assessed as to their effectiveness and the mother's disregarded any prayers but the Christian ones.

One man however said, "prayer is prayer - it's not the words, it is the intention and sincerity of the person reciting the prayers" and that prayer was "connecting to and using the divine energy, the life force". A wonderful, positive person.

After September 11th enrolment for study dropped dramatically...people didn't want Muslims praying for them...

Then I watched 'Lock Up Your Sons'. Teenage boys fighting...upsetting and also very funny...twats.

I'd just got used to the change in blogger and then they damn well go and change it again...but this time, it's a little less high tech and seems like I'm a kid again: Create new post? "PRESS THE NEW LARGE BRIGHT BUTTONS", "I'VE GOT WHAT I DO IN A LARGE, CLEAR FONT SO YOU CAN SEE ME".

Oh my oh my, I *heart* Carl and Pete

HA HA!

Weekend went well (although didn't quite manage to get to My Own Private Idaho due to lack of ability to move from sofa!). Reflecting Skin was horrifically beautiful, lots of Gus Van Sant type shots of wide open sky...wonderful story, scary, interesting comment on how children take everything to heart and make up their own reality to the weirdness that goes on around them.

Pollock was very interesting too, although I ended up disliking the man (monstrous alcholic, evil to wife that supported him and in fact made him everything he was...).

Tuesday I went for some training on Practical Project Management - very enjoyable and in good time as I have now been given the task of writing schedules for the tour that is out at the min (of Woyzeck have a look at our website to see if you can get to any of the gigs, as it's an amazing show).


Tonight, I'm going to see Thoroughly Modern Millie @ Shaftesbury Theatre with Richie and Chris. Tomorrow the TATE Modern with the young man and Sunday Basquiat at NFT with Damaris. So much for a quiet weekend!!!

Last night in bed by 8pm!

Still tired though and, of course, come Friday afternoon...major mailout sprung at last min, computer doesn't want to open any files for me AND have you ever tried to book a Liverpool hotel for 7 people over a home game weekend. Don't. Bastard.

Plans for this weekend:

1. Eat
2. Sleep
3. Watch telly
4. Go to movies (My Own Private Idaho and Pollock at NFT)
5. Watch videos (for example, Reflecting Skin - I adore Philip Ridley, so really looking forward to seeing the film).

There that made me feel better...