Tomorrow marks the 2 year anniversary of Lee dying. Ashes will be scattered by Exeter catacombs and a candle will be lit. Words of loss whispered.

For those left behind, we have a fresh task set by the universe - cancer's such a big word, carrying so much weight with it. I pulled out an angel card and it said strength and that's all I can do - just try to be as strong as possible.

Poison apples indeed.

Why I Hate December

With the December rain along comes more negative, sickness themed news for the family. This year I present the hat trick of blindness, Alzheimer's and Cancer.

New Home

Our new home overlooks St Bartholomew's Cemetery and Exeter Catacombs. Behind us is the Benedictine Priory of St Nicholas which is currently being restored. Each morning I come out of the arched doorway to a wonderful view of the graveyard and a huge holly tree. I'm adoring it.

More updates in a couple of weeks when the huge, unwieldy conference I'm project managing is out of the way. Roll on December.

WTF?


I really don't have the words to describe the thoughts and feelings that I have when looking at this...I must say if anyone I know buys one they will be hung, drawn and quartered the moment I hear about it!

So much going on but so little to say...

The move has been hectic as all moves are. Still looking for a flat to move into so in Lornie and Will's spare room for now (thank you, thank you, much love to you both!). There doesn't seem to be many 1 beds out there to rent but hopefully we'll find something soon and get on with the nesting.

We've spent a lot of the last few days stalking around Exeter and getting settled in to our new city.

Work is busy but managed to sort out a swanky vodafone modem so I can work anywhere at all...there are an other couple of jobs in the pipeline too so fingers crossed on that front.

I was in London for a meeting today and didn't feel like I've missed it at all.

Again, sorry...

Time has been against me what with the slow, plodding move to Exeter, going freelance, handovers and goodbyes to friends.

Notes to self:

• spend more time on the stuff that you enjoy
• take time to look at the things that surround you
• slow your heart rate down and try to breathe
  

Lunchtime Timewasting

New Laptop

Shiny, shiny new laptop - I'm reminded of my old new media lecturer who spent a large majority of his time rubbing his laptop in the most sensual way imaginable. I can't keep my hands off this beautiful thing...

Circus Showdown

Went to the Hackney Empire for the Circus Showdown - a selection of Circus Cabaret/contemporary circus acts competing to be the winner of the evening. I don't think I've had so much fun in ages; wonderful acts including Wrong Size's Airlight and Desiree Kongerod’s ‘Twist’ contortion.

Bye Bye Marcel Marceau

LIFE

Back from a wonderful weekend in Exeter. We've made the right decision. Undoubtedly.

Returned to London on Sunday evening - too hectic, sweaty and stressful.

Monday morning blues reached a new height...with stupid bitchy emails, boss pretty much telling me that I couldn't do parts of my job right (nothing to do with lack of information from him of course!), changed meeting times and general pissed off-ness.

Theatre Visits

Friday night
Reverence - A site-sympathetic tale of Abelard and Heloise
An indoor promenade performance, at the site of the new Southwark Playhouse under London Bridge Station.

We donned cowls as students entering an order as God's representatives on Earth. We were taken around the dark, damp spaces spying on Abelard and Heloise and the people around them. Glorious production. Scary. Emotional. Wonderfully dark imagery.

www.goatandmonkey.co.uk

Monday night
The Bacchae by Euripides, a new version of The Bacchae by David Greig

Ok, it starts with Alan Cummings* arse on show...can it get any better? Oh yes, it can! It goes from outrageously camp musical to dark Greek tragedy and gets away with it. The god of dance and wine, Dionysus as indulgent transvestite unleashing uncontrollable female sexuality and cruelty was just wonderful.

www.lyric.co.uk

* I've always had a bit of a soft spot for Alan Cumming since he wrote and played Sebastian Flight in The High Life (Pif, paf pof!).

Tarot Reading

Q: Is it worth taking the risk and moving to exeter with boyf?

Go to www.facade.com/tarot get your own.

	The Cross and Triangle spread is a powerful means of understanding complex situations, developed by the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn. This spread is rich in occult and mystical symbolism, and one of our favorites here at Facade. The William Blake Tarot explores the mystical vision and artistry of the renowned English painter and poet. Through rich interpretations focused on creative undertakings, it has long been the deck of choice for artists, writers, musicians, and thinkers.
	The first card, the significator, is placed in the center of the cross. This card represents the prime energy manifest in your life. Woman of Poetry: "To go forth to the Great Harvest & Vintage of the Nations". Radiating confidence, pride, and self-assurance. Being unafraid to promote yourself or reach for what you really want. Being generous and open-hearted, but also dramatic and assertive. Wanting to inspire others. Creative self-fulfillment. Gathering a rich harvest from the situation. Expressing intuitive knowledge and leadership. Mastery of expression. In the creative process: With complete confidence in your expressive abilities, you serve as a guiding light to inspire growth and confidence in others.
	The second card, placed above the significator, represents Air. It describes your spirit, process of thought, and the influence of reason. Three of Music (Exuberance): "Exuberance is Beauty". Sense of emotional expansion. Something that makes you sing for joy. Intense desire for creative expression. A cause for lively celebration. Plunging into creative new territory. Getting people excited about your idea. Supportive alliances or relationships. Entertaining gatherings, performances, meetings, get-togethers. In the creative process: Exciting and joyous progress is taking place; blow your horn!
	The third card, placed to the right of the significator, represents Fire. It describes your motivations, creative energies, and the influence of passion. Angel of Painting: "The Graphic Muse". Visionary reverie. Coalescing plans and agendas in your imagination. Contemplation prior to action. Making use of appropriate tools. Getting an overview of the situation, particularly regarding its physical or material aspects. "Getting the feel" of things. In the creative process: Look for or contemplate a solid idea, a practical point of view that can instigate a whole new direction in your work or project.
	The fourth card, placed below the significator, represents Water. It describes your emotions, meditations, and the influence of love. Union: The successful coming-together of something vitally important to you. Getting your act together at last. The joining of male and female forces, or unification or inner and outer life. Not holding anything back. Being at the center. Completion. Spiritual self-sacrifice.
	The fifth card, placed to the left of the significator represents Earth. It describes your physical presence, position in life, and the influence of the material world. Child of Music, when reversed: The struggle to kindle your emotions. Being ruled by your own feelings. Emotional risks and instability. Disguising your vulnerability. Being shy and moody. Keeping your feelings to yourself. Self absorption clouding your empathy with others, and with animals. In the creative process: Go inside yourself to experience emotional innocence and primal voice. Don't be afraid to improvise in your own way.
	At this point the cross is complete and the triangle is formed. The sixth card, placed on the bottom left of the triangle represents one of two opposing forces. Seven of Science (Lamentation): Psychic energy restrained. Feeling burdened with heavy thoughts. Pushing yourself too hard. Wallowing over and refusing to accept the situation. Straining against something. In the creative process: When you are feeling stuck or blocked, push your imagination to find a way around the problem; rely on your energy and hard work.
	The seventh card, placed on the bottom right of the triangle represents the force that opposes the bottom left card. These forces may be external, but they are frequently one's own inner archetypes in conflict. Transformation, when reversed: Unwillingness to change old for new. Stagnation. Burning your bridges behind you. Facing the future unprepared. Failure to accept the inevitable.
	The eighth card, the reconciler, is placed below the cross in the third vertex of the triangle. This is the force that will resolve the conflict between the bottom left and bottom right cards. By meditating on this force and bringing more of it into your life, you can bring the matter at hand to a swifter conclusion than would naturally occur. Assessment, when reversed: Inattention to being fair and just. Lack of consideration of commitments, agreements, or negotiations. Refusal to weigh the pros and cons of a situation. Being blind to the needs of self versus others. Inability to transcend a situation or avoid a conflict of interest.
	The ninth and final card, placed in the center bottom of the triangle, represents the final outcome unless you change course. Reason: Using your head to get through a situation. A time to define or obey the rules. Yielding to or being the boss, or authority figure. Patriarchal or traditional approach is favored. Fathering issues.

Undecided

There's a young man in my front garden...topless...and gardening. I can't decide whether I should just enjoy my "diet coke moment" or continue to feel a little bit sick...

Let's play the Horatio Caine quote game!

It goes like this: take a famous quote and insert a pause to put on sunglasses. For example:

Because that is where (pause put on sunglasses) we will spend the rest of our lives.
Nobody expects (pause put on sunglasses) the Spanish Inquisition.

Who's first?

I don't know why I do these, they always upset me a little...

Advanced Global Personality Test Results Extraversion |||||||||| 33% Stability |||||||||| 33% Orderliness |||||||||||||||| 66% Accommodation |||||||||||| 50% Interdependence |||||||||||||| 56% Intellectual |||||||||||||||||| 76% Mystical |||||||||||||||||| 76% Artistic |||||||||||||||||| 76% Religious |||||||||| 36% Hedonism |||||||||| 36% Materialism |||||||||||| 43% Narcissism |||||||||||||||| 70% Adventurousness |||| 16% Work ethic |||||||||||||||||| 76% Self absorbed |||||||||||||||| 63% Conflict seeking |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Need to dominate |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Romantic |||||||||||||||||| 76% Avoidant |||||||||||||||| 70% Anti-authority |||||||||||||| 56% Wealth |||| 16% Dependency |||||||||||| 50% Change averse |||||||||||||||| 63% Cautiousness |||||||||||||||||| 76% Individuality |||||||||||||||| 70% Sexuality |||||||||||||||| 63% Peter pan complex |||||| 23% Physical security |||||||||||||||| 70% Physical Fitness || 10% Histrionic |||||||||||| 43% Paranoia |||||||||||||||| 63% Vanity |||||||||||||| 56% Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||||| 76% Indie |||||||||||||||| 70%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Stability results were moderately low which suggests you are worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.

Orderliness results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly organized, reliable, neat, and hard working at the expense of flexibility, efficiency, spontaneity, and fun.

Extraversion results were moderately low which suggests you are reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and secretive.

trait snapshot:
depressed, introverted, neat, needs things to be extremely clean, observer, perfectionist, not self revealing, does not make friends easily, suspicious, irritable, hates large parties, follows the rules, worrying, does not like to stand out, fragile, phobic, submissive, dislikes leadership, cautious, takes precautions, focuses on hidden motives, good at saving money, solitary, familiar with the dark side of life, hard working, emotionally sensitive, prudent, altruistic, heart over mind, unadventurous

Post-Reading

Highlights

• Catching up with my lovely mates.
• Making some lovely new friends.
• Gossip - boy, does Beth Ditto rock. That voice is just breathtaking.
• Watching Interpol with Jess in fold out seats, a couple of cans each and rubbing our thighs intermittently.
• Discussing in great detail the merits of various bass players.
• Shiny Toy Guns rocking out mid-afternoon.
• Carla going AWOL after dragging a punter away from the stall into the dark of the campsite and then returning some time later having named all their planned children.
• "Angry Mob" dancing outside our stall and going insane when we played something they didn't like.
• NIN, a fucking brilliant set. A semi mystical/semi erotic experience.
• Smashing Pumpkins were amazing too. Billy's growling voice gives me goose bumps.
• Turtle being accused of being in the Kaiser Chiefs followed quickly with Az being asked if he was from YMCA.
  
• Late night hot chocolate.
  

Lowlights

• Being so hungover on Friday morning that I had to be put into Jess and Turtle's tent for kip before starting work. Thanks guys and thank you to Kat for the life saving egg bap!
• Salvation Army complaining about the level of noise from our stereo. Next time I see them playing in a town centre I will have to complain about them...
• Sunburn.

All in all a great weekend. However, I think that it is undoubtedly time to pass the baton onto the young 'uns. There is no way that I can work as a trader at a festival again - it's too tiring and I just can't drink/drug like I used to...

Reading Festival

Edited highlights from website info page:

"Dear Reading Festival Goer,

It has been a very difficult month. When we got on site on July 25th, Green Camps ABC and D were waist high in water from the floods, yellow camp FGH and I were over 3’ deep in water, all of brown was over my knees, purple I couldn’t get to and White was just part of the river...In summary it has been a challenge. The summer has been bloody awful but thanks to great support from Reading Borough Council and the Environment Agency who have managed to drop the level of the river adjacent to the site and therefore reduce the level of the water table on site, as well as the amazing efforts of a key number of my site crew...we will be able to stage the world’s greatest rock festival despite what climate change and the weather have thrown at us...

Best regards

Melvin Benn

Managing Director Festival Republic – Promoter of Carling Weekend: Reading & Leeds Festivals"

We were meant to be working in fancy dress but I have removed my big silly dress and have packed wellies, inflatable canoe and emergency flares instead. Oh, and enough gin to block out the horror of it all.

Too cute for words...

My young man is away for a whole week. We've spent a lot of this summer apart with me away on various work projects but being in another bed/tent seems to be much easier than being in our bed alone. I went to bed alone and woke up alone; feeling rather sorry for myself. Then, this morning this CD arrived:With a lovely note "for you to listen to when you is snugglez in bed x"

I'm really looking forward to going to bed tonight now!

Ch-ch-changes

Notice that I just threw that in without thinking "moving to Devon". Yep, me and the young man are moving to Exeter sometime in October. It's both very exciting and absolutely terrifying.

Twin Peaks

I've just worked out that Lucy and I have only got to episode 13 of our Twin Peaks marathon...only 16 to go. We both leave London in October. There is no way we're going to do it all before then.

Good job we're both moving to Devon.

Nicest email that I've received in a while:

"Boudicca is amazing

Boudicca is the best

Boudicca deserves a Nobel peace prize"

Save The Cheerleader, Save The World

I have become obsessed with Heroes - it has everything I need - comic book looks, humour, genetics, good guys, bad guys, mixed up guys, the unbearably adorable Peter Petrelli with that amazing fringe that he keeps having to sweep out of his eyes, a bitchy cheerleader, geeks, losers, sex, drugs, special effects, characters linked together in ways that they don't know about but we do...I actually clapped and laughed out loud during so many parts last night - Hiro Nakamura is so cool. He embraces his superpowers with such child like enthusiasm that you can't help get pulled into the joy. Also seeing him from the future makes him even more interesting - how does he get from office worker geek to ninja supremo?

I can't wait until next Wednesday!

"Wear your love like it is made of hate
Born to destroy and born to create"

MSP, Autumnsong

Professional Development

I'm really interested in doing a funded ILM Level 3 Introductory Certificate in First Line Management on 16 & 17 October, 31 October & 1 November, 14 November & 21 November.

This course has 10 segments, which we have chosen to respond to the first-line managers’ most immediate learning needs:

• - Problem Solving
• - Decision Making
• - Influencing and Negotiating
• - Time Management
• - Meetings
• - Motivation
• - Delegation
• - Managing Performance
• - Planning for Change
• - Coaching at Work

There will be plenty of time for tutorial support and for the business and employment skills sessions:

• Assertiveness
• Networking
• Presenting a Professional Image

But to do it for free, I need to find someone without UK based Level 2 qualifications to do it with...

Level 2 qualifications include:

• NVQ Level 2
• One A-Level or equivalent
• GNVQ intermediate
• RSA diploma
• BTEC first or general diploma
• 5 O-levels or
• 5 GCSEs grade A-C or equivalent

Anyone interested or know someone who is?

Harry Potter

Spoiler t-shirt available here...if I wore this my friends would kill me!

DUBLINERS lyrics

Saturday...

Fun day with Julie - haircuts at dawn, coffee and cake in Michelle's wonderful Maison Bertaux, 2 course lunch in Bistro 1, onto National Portrait Gallery for a potter around the BP Portrait Award 2007. My favourite was Katy Does It While Baking A Cake by Morgan Penn


Lovely painting - I adore that come hither look!

Then down to South Bank to meet up with Manda for Avanti Display's 'Stormbringer' as part of the National Theatre's Watch This Space season, a walk along the Thames "beach" and a stroll along the south bank towards Westminster. A very lovely day all in all!

edit: a weekend which I then spoiled by going home and getting steaming drunk thus missing archery on Sunday morning!!!

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law

EBay treasure - a reprint of exact facsimile of the book issued to mourners at Aleister Crowley's cremation. Frieda Harris prints are a little too dark and the date of birth is incorrect but I've had a wonderful lunchtime just savouring the words of Hymn to Pan, an extract of The Book of the Law and Gnostic Anthem. Letting them roll around my head and tongue, feeling the shape and sound of them.

"My colours is black to the blind, but the blue and gold are seen of the seeing"

p.s. I was once visited by the spirit/the ghost/the remaining Aleister Crowley. He sat cross legged by my mattress on the floor for a whole night and I cried uncontrollably. There are some things that mentally unstable 17 year old girls just aren't ready for...he was one of them.

Mememe Update

I resigned...without another job in the pipeline. You know what though, it feels great!

(There is the little matter of 3 months notice to work though...)

Crap Joke of the Day

Q. Why don't cannibals eat comedians?

A. Because they taste funny.

Crap joke drum says *Boomtish*

Update

I've had a cup of tea and a weight watchers lemon drizzle cake and I feel a little bit better now...

How are you?

The feeling of wading through mud has continued way past Glastonbury. My gut is churning. My heart is fluttering. I'm unable to sit still. I'm unable to complete any project. I want to change everything about me. I want to run away. I can't sleep. People tell me that they don't know what I believe in because I never say anything that I truly believe - I just play devil's advocate on every point. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I BELIEVE IN. I have lost the plot. I make moves to improve my life but I can never complete anything. I fool myself that I haven't found "my thing" but in my heart I know it's because I'm lazy and sloth like in every way. Depression is my protection. I know where I am with my depression. It's seen me through a lot of hard times. It's hard not to turn to previous ways of coping. I'm trying not to vomit. I try to think about other things instead of self harm. I'm jealous. I'm angry. I'm scared. I don't want to be here - in this place, this time, or this body.

Rebel Rebel

Arcade Fire on Jonathan Ross - Win Butler smashed a BBC camera lens with the neck of his mandolin. Rest of band look on rather bemused.

What worries me is that I'm less concerned about the rock 'n' roll statement and more hoping that he pays for the damage and apologises to the camera man...

"Glastonbury: a cross between a medieval refugee camp and a recently detonated circus"
Charlie Brooker, The Guardian, Monday June 25, 2007

I survived but my tent didn't!

Friday
We turned up on site on Friday evening (the boy couldn't get out of work on Friday). We found the ratties at the Herbal High stall well scrumped already - threw our stuff into the tent behind the stall...donned wellies, started supping lager and waited for the rest of the gang to return from Arcade Fire. Once they returned, Will took Lornie behind the stall and proposes (they met at Glastonbury 3 years ago, it's very romantic) We are all reduced to tears and there are big hugs for them before the boy and I hot foot it over to Lost Vagueness with Jess for her all night shift in the Space Lounge. She is forgiven for being late as everyone is very excited for Lornie and Will. Say hello to people I haven't seen for ages. Meet my brother's mate Adrian who is dressed in bin liners and pilled up. My brother's other mate is too fucked to even say hello to. We stay up with the help of much vodka and lager. Bump into a few other people outside the tent, exchange hugs and good wishes for the weekend. Make the move back across the site at 6am with Jess, we are drunk, we consume some Irish coffees, steal maltesers and go to bed.

Saturday
Hungover to fuck, stayed in the tent until 4pm. Got up watched Babyshambles (shit, out of tune crappy wardling, Kate Moss = shit). Go to Pat's stall for a catch up, drink rose wine and get temporary tattooed. Back to the Other Stage for Maximo Park (amazing) and Editors (heartbreakingly beautiful). Go back to stall to pick up a gang for Iggy and the Stooges who are very funny - stage invaded by people and Iggy can't get them back off for ages. Bass player practically fucking his bass and gurning like a total monkey. People saying "this herbal high isn't doing anything for me" and then starting to freaky dance.

Play on the stall and dance like a fool! Go to bed at a sensible 2am, get woken up by Will shouting "my grammer's broken" and the almost endless shagging sounds in the tent near to us (you know who you are!).

Sunday
Catch up on last night shenanigans. Eat loads. See The Holloways (boring but ok), Coldwar Kids (rubbish), The Go! Team (rubbish but interesting to see), The View (boring but ok), went with the ladies to see Dame Shirley Bassey (brilliant!) wait around to meet other people for the Manics. No one turns up, I see the Manics by myself. Which was fantastic. Spend some time backstage, mainly just to have a sit down! Wellies have left a blister on the back of my leg - which is going yellow.

Star spotting - James Dean Bradfield, Donny Torette, Lip from Shameless, John Simm, Jo Whiley, Andrew Marr...

Monday
Woke up at 4am, tent had leaked in the endless rain, argued with boy as unable to pack sleeping bags back into the bags. Sorted ourselves out and got off the site with Jess and Turtle and a lift from Rocket. Dropped off at Westbury station, catch the commuter train back to London. Brandy in coffee and a croissant keeps me going. Get to Paddington and take the tube back home. Some people stare and other smile. At home pull off mud soaked clothes, shower, climb into a clean bed. Get up for food, kids telly and texts from the rats still stuck on site. Reduced to tears by children climbing volcanos, go back to bed. Sleep till the morning.

Tuesday
House smells like cow poo. Boy left at home to fill the washing machine. Go to work with the smile of a person who had fucking great weekend!

Grafitti

"I wish my lawn was emo, then it would cut itself"

I just snorted coffee out of my nose...

I have the best army poncho in the world and some wellies waiting for me onsite...

Weird or Normal?

I've been thinking about getting some of my dads ashes formed into a diamond to mount on a ring but then I read the price list. Bah!

Lost

Saint Anthony, Saint Anthony, please come around. Something is lost and needs to be found

Tweak

I just had to post this picture of Cillian Murphy - it just left me totally breathless...those eyes, those cheekbones, those lips...

Stop Dreaming; Start Choosing

Buckminster Fuller. Contemplated suicide at 32 - he was bankrupt, discredited, jobless and his first child had just died. He chose to carry on living, went on to invent the geodesic dome and become a writer, educator, philosoper and poet.

Please note:

I bleeding well adore archery!

DAY OFF YESTERDAY

I did the following:

Awoke at 7am
Back to sleep by 7.20am
Awoke at 10am
Back to sleep by 11am
Awoke at 4pm
Back to sleep by 4.10pm
Awoke at 5.20pm
Crazy, rushed shower and out to meet boyf at Liverpool Street at 6pm to travel to Archery lesson.
Archery lesson, followed by a quick drink
Back home and to sleep by 11pm
Awoke today at 9am

That's almost 19hours sleep...and I'm still damn tired.

From the last few weeks

Two nights in a row seeing the Manic Street Preachers - felt 15 again but with slightly less despair.

I'm going to Glastonbury with my boyf and the ladies are all working. Hurrah!

EBay mania - new summer frocks, Edwardian umbrellas for Glastonbury, Cd's (Shiny Toy Guns), stainless steel and crystal rings, fake ear plugs body jewellery, polka dot high heels, etc.

Visiting the Turtle's afloat in Brentford.

Boyf revealing that he'd quite like to live on a boat or in a camper van for a while. This is after he poo-pooed the idea late last year when I said we could afford a whole boat with my inheritance but only part of a house!

Falling in lust with Gok Wan - every girl should have one telling her how wonderful she is!

Saying no to a job which cements that we're absolutely moving out of London at the end of the year. No idea where/what/when...oooh it's fun...

This one sent shivers down my spine last night:

Five Questions, Five Answers

Prior to his wonderful visit to New York, Mr Atrocity extended an invitation to offer ourselves up for five questions of his choosing. These are my well reasoned and immaculately thought out responses to his chosen integrations. If you’d like to join in, rules are below.

1 - What is the single best piece of non-fiction you've read?
Difficult one…I’ve read so much that has had a great effect on me…

I suppose that ‘Big Sky Mind: Buddhism and the Beat Generation’ would be a highlight. I read it when I was 19. I’d been really into the beat writers for such a long time and it was fantastic to have all the thoughts, writings and letters about such a spiritual subject all together. Mind you, William S Burroughs’ contempt at it all was the best bit!

I must mention George Orwell’s ‘Homage to Catalonia’, Tony Benn’s diaries, Marx/Engels Communist Manifesto, James St James’ ‘Disco Bloodbath: A Fabulous But True Tale of Murder in Clubland’ and all of Christopher Penczak’s magic books.

2 - Tell me about a favourite smell or scent.

The smell of fires and fireworks mixed with cinder toffee and aniseed. Bonfire night!

Plus I have a wide range of perfumes and scents for daily use. My favourites are Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab’s Malice for particularly dominant moments, Ralph Lauren’s Romance for girly moments and all my Egyptian oils (Nefertiti, Musk, Pharaoh, etc) for any time or place.

3 - Eggs: fried, poached, scrambled, soft-boiled or omlette? Why?

Gosh, depends on the mood. I do like eating eggs made in anyway/shape/form when feeling the need for a comforting nursery tea.

Fried in thick white bread, lots of butter and brown sauce. Cut in squares not in poncey triangles (I remember thinking my boyf was really posh when I saw him do that for the first time. My first thought was “this will never work” but I’m over it now…just)

Poached on wholemeal toast with brown sauce and plenty of salt and pepper. Always two slices with an egg on each.

Scrambled – the eggs must be broken into a jug first and a little bit of milk and salt and pepper added. Whisk and then add to a warm pan with a small piece of butter. The milk stops the eggs from burning and sticking to the pan.

Soft-boiled. Actually just rekindled my love for soft boiled eggs due to receiving a Peter Rabbit egg cup.

Omelette – I can’t really get my head around making omelettes but I do like a mushroom omelette with chips from a caff.

4 - Who would you have paint or photograph your portrait? Living or dead artists are fine; we have a time-travel device.

Cecil Beaton. I especially adore his pictures of Nancy Cunard and Miss Nancy Beaton as a Shooting Star. I can only dream of being so beautifully photographed.


5 - When is your favourite time of the year?

Autumn - I love looking out of a window or taking a walk and watching leaves turn from luscious green to wonderful russet and auburn. Long autumn evenings when the sky goes dark pink, warm but with a chill in the air. Lovely.

For anyone who wishes to be asked questions by me, here are the rules:

1. Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.” And please, feel free to comment on my fabulousness, or whatever.
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Your Score: Katharine Hepburn

You scored 9% grit, 42% wit, 38% flair, and 16% class!

You are the fabulously quirky and independent woman of character. You go your own way, follow your own drummer, take your own lead. You stand head and shoulders next to your partner, but you are perfectly willing and able to stand alone. Others might be more classically beautiful or conventionally woman-like, but you possess a more fundamental common sense and off-kilter charm, making interesting men fall at your feet. You can pick them up or leave them there as you see fit. You share the screen with the likes of Spencer Tracy and Cary Grant, thinking men who like strong women.

Find out what kind of classic leading man you'd make by taking the
Classic Leading Man Test.

Link: The Classic Dames Test written by gidgetgoes on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

There's a black dog on my shoulder.

Normal service will resume once I've battled it and reduced it to a cute, emo puppy.

Children Write To God

Very funny indeed, have a read through them all. The best ones are on later pages.

Sacred

I went to see Ron Athey & Dominic Johnson: Incorruptible Flesh (Perpetual Wound) last night. Chelsea Theatre was a time consuming travel away from work (3 tubes and 1 bus) but the performance was more than worth that time: shamanistic, ritual, death, rebirth, relationships, sex, violence, blood, cleansing, death valley, water. Blood dripped onto the stage and took my breath away. Rather than being scared I'm happy, exhilarated and excited. Mismatched, beautiful tattooed bodies filling me with light and reconfirming my belief in life. The dark side can shine as brightly as the light.

"I am a jelly doughnut"

Due to family having to reschedule flights I am now having a long weekend in Berlin in October - huzzah!

Odd dreams

Last night I dreamt that I was getting matching tattoos with my boyf. He was getting it on his upper arm and I was getting it on the back of my neck (please excuse rubbish drawing!):

On waking this morning I realised that it was quite similar to the adidas logo:

Astrochart mememe

Name: Boudicca Lee Maloney March 3 1977 3:30 PM Time Zone is UT London, UK

Rising Sign is in 20 Degrees Leo You love to be the center of attention and you want to appear strong, confident and dominant. You are very proud of yourself, sometimes quite vain even. When all around you are bedraggled and falling apart, you look like a million bucks! Very dignified and honorable, you enjoy the power and privilege, but not the responsibilities, that come with leadership. You are very idealistic but can also be quite stubborn. Others impress you only if they have integrity (but wealth, power and influence can also turn your head). You prefer rich, elegant surroundings and possessions, and will try to acquire them as your budget allows. Physically, you are very impressive - - at your best you have a regal, charismatic demeanor and bearing. Try not to be such a showoff!

Sun is in 12 Degrees Pisces. Extremely sensitive and emotional, you absorb the emotions of others (whether positive or negative) like a sponge. Emotionally vulnerable, you are easily upset and tend to cry readily. You are at your best when you can structure your environment in such a way that you are surrounded by positive, upbeat people. You are very helpful and understanding of the needs of others. Indeed, at times this can be a disadvantage, because you can be a sucker for anyone who needs help. Shy, dreamy, romantic in nature, you delight in retreating into your private fantasy world. Just be careful that you do not get lost in it! Trust your intuitions -- you may be quite psychic.

Moon is in 16 Degrees Leo. You always want to be proud of yourself and will never do anything that will make yourself look bad. You need the respect and admiration of others and enjoy attracting attention to yourself. Everything you do tends to be self-emphasized and self-exaggerated. Very stubborn, willful and independent yourself, be sure to allow others who are close to you the similar right to "be themselves." Your need for love, affection and reassurance, and your tendency toward vanity, allow you to have your head easily turned by flattery. The more insecure you are, the more you tend to be a showoff. You love games and sports as a matter of fact, you would usually rather play than work. Be careful of a tendency to be snobbish and uppity -- it does not become you.

Mercury is in 02 Degrees Pisces. Your ideas and thought processes do not come to you in an orderly, logical fashion. Instead, you think with your feelings or with images produced by your rich and fertile imagination. A very subjective person, your dreams and fantasies are very important to you. You trust your intuitions and tend to reject ideas that are based solely on logic. Very impressionable, you are sensitive to the moods and emotional states of those with whom you come into contact.

Venus is in 21 Degrees Aries. You are a very affectionate person but you hate to be tied down. You are more than willing to be the aggressor in initiating new relationships. Indeed, once you have set your sights on someone, you tend to pursue him or her ardently and passionately. But you do demand your own way in a relationship. Try to give in to your partner's needs and desires once in a while.

Mars is in 17 Degrees Aquarius. Your ideas and opinions are usually inventive and original, but sometimes they are merely eccentric and offbeat. You are altruistic -- you will work hard for the attainment of group goals, as long as they meet your high standards. You tend to resent traditional authority figures because you think that your ideas are better thought out and more valuable than theirs. Very idealistic, you are a rebel WITH a cause!

Jupiter is in 24 Degrees Taurus. Growth only occurs for you after you have found a stable lifestyle and a dependable, protective and secure environment. You are at your best when those around you provide you with a great deal of affection and support. When you feel insecure or threatened, you tend to become possessive and grasping and self- indulgent. You are an inveterate collector with an expensive preference for all the good things that life has to offer.

Saturn is in 11 Degrees Leo. Extremely self-reliant, you set very high standards of conduct and decorum for yourself, and you expect others with whom you associate to be that way, too. It is important that you had a strong father figure or role model early in life to mold your life course and direction. When you feel that those around you are unworthy or behaving badly, you withdraw, preferring solitude rather than associating with those who might besmirch your reputation.

Uranus is in 11 Degrees Scorpio. You, and your peer group, demand to confront life at its deepest and most meaningful levels. Very compulsive and obsessive in your approach to everything, you will avoid anything that is casual or superficial, especially when it comes to relationships. You will seek out and explore new methods of healing as well as different ways to deal with deep-seated emotional problems.

Neptune is in 16 Degrees Sagittarius. You, and your entire generation, are heavily involved in investigating and idealizing foreign and exotic intellectual systems and religious philosophies. The most extreme ideals will be pursued with gusto. You will be at the forefront of humanitarian attempts to improve the lot of those who are in need of assistance. You will be comfortable with the concept of the "global village."

Pluto is in 13 Degrees Libra. For your entire generation, this is a time of radical changes in society's attitude toward marriage and interpersonal relationships. There is a general fear and awe at the power inherent in making emotional or contractual commitments -- they will not be entered into lightly.

N. Node is in 25 Degrees Libra. You find it very difficult to be comfortable being alone -- you would much prefer to be in an environment where many people are working together toward common goals. Your charming and sincere approach to others assures your popularity -- you have the gift of being able to ease tensions just by your mere presence. You're the perfect "team player" willing to sacrifice your own importance so that the group goal can be accomplished. Be careful, however, not to become overly dependent on your interactions with others -- you have personal private needs that should not be neglected.

Proved Correct (at last!)

Ages ago during a day off ill I had the (mis)fortune of seeing Big Cook, Little Cook. I knew the guys from somewhere, I thought from a comedy club. I suggested this to a number of people who all stated that I was insane and that there was no way that children's tv actors would also be rude comedians...I have been proved correct - see here. Hurrah!

Odd Feelings

I have a cold which has spread to my ear and it's making me dizzy and spaced out. What with that and the heat, I keep thinking that I'm in the deep south sipping on mint julep's and waiting on the porch for a Tennessee Williams character to appear and not at my desk in South East London waiting to go home.

I think that I need another litre of water and a painkiller.

Errh, methinks I see a pattern emerging...

Good times = baking and seeing friends
Bad times = work

Joy afoot...

• I made my first batch of strawberry jam last weekend. It's currently in the cupboard getting rich and yummy.
• I baked berry muffins - they were lovely.
• I made bailey's and almond chocolate truffles as a b/day pressie for Ross
• I played hide and see and peak a boo with Lucy's kids
• I ate a very large slice of Jessie's millionaire's shortcake
• I saw Aron's exhibition
  

Problems afoot...

• Whenever I see my 3 page to do list I panic. I work for one company but we have a number of projects so I have colour coded tasks in excel for 4 different large projects. I can tick off when each task is done. I hide the completed tasks at the end of each week. These days even the ticking doesn't make me happy.
• I'm surrounded by paperwork - my in trays are literally sagging under the pressure (as am I)
• I woke up at 3am this morning and thought about works finance for 1 hrs before finally going back to sleep.

I think that I need to clear the to do's and in trays so I can sleep soundly during Easter.

Postbox for your unwanted baby miss?

Certainly, not a problem. I'm somewhat morally conflicted about this idea...

Memories from Last Night....

• Catching up with old lecturers
• Strawberry beer
  
• Dancing like a fool to golden oldie hits
• Singing on the tube home
  

"we love the chosen one
loving him is so much fun
we love the chosen one
not as much as me!

i love him with my heart
i love him with my body part
we love the chosen one
not as much as me!

i love him in the night
i love him with my body tight
we love the chosen one
not as much as me!"

Manic Street Preachers - Underdogs

This one's for the freaks
for you're so beautiful
for all the devotion
written in your soul

This one's for the freaks
for the lost and weak
for the butterflies and devotees
and the disciples of our destiny

"All out punk metal - Alice Cooper - Stooges guitar outro. Could have been on Generation Terrorist. A celebration of the unique, a post 'Everything Must Go' address to the fans 10 years after the first time we did it. In a Britain dominated by generic, one diametrical multi branding, let us embrace the difference - the downtrodden - the losers and the opposition. Let us fall in love with individuality again" Nicky Wire

Download from their website

On the agenda for the week

(I'm a busy, busy bee though undoubtedly I seem like a boring bee)

Today
Writing up minutes from meetings
Trying to confirm dancers for rehearsals and summer shows
Worrying about the massive to do list at work

Tuesday
Writing GFA application for 2 years of work
LBSU Arts Event

Wednesday
Meetings
Organic vegetable box delivery

Thursday
Meetings
Working on the Body penultimate session. It’s been a really important process and I think that I’m actually making some progress with my life and thoughts and beliefs about myself...

Friday and the Weekend
Escorting Nana for a blood test at Kings College Hospital – haven’t been back since dad died there…
The Hellfire Club at Bethnal Green Working Mans Club – must sort out an outfit.
Quiet weekend (one can only hope)

Other Things to Think About
Personal Action Plan for self development
101 things to do in 1001 days
Reading play scripts

…

Creativity is key

…

new poem about the ifwhyhowso reason to write........by Patrick Jones

kinetic

( for ethan evan and elian.......)

whether i write a rallying cry or desolate lament
i take aim, inhale, say what is meant
a truthfired fallopian fed by fury
a metaphorical mission
an inkmind incision
that shall be my irrefutable jury

words must not just live on the pale page

but ask questions, push, speak enraged
in the speaking of, i am reaching out
sometimes a whisper, sometimes a flood

i cultivate the i, to form the we
a culture of question, an act of redemption
my wordfreedom from mind intervention
a kinetic fusion yearning to be free
in this time
a century of screams
do we write or ignite
the
paper
rhyme or crime
tolerance or violence
against - for
sing me a silence
in need of a voice
paint me a saviour
who dreams of the noose
next time,
let us pour poetry into the mouths of those who commence the killing
let all nations belong to the coalition of the willing
because poetry is just action made words
and i chant it through the wounds of this earth

i walk in the paths of heaney and aneurin
speak in tongues of celan and caedmon
i have hope in the only religion that asks nothing from me
the mountains
the sky
the stars
didn't need a maker
only forged themselves
in brown and green
and blue was the colour that allowed us to dream
now, it carries a red scream

but i still believe in the written word
the ancient stream of consciousness, my only resurrection
that sparkles through grey
the inside turned outward
i shall speak my private thoughts
and it shall be the universal conviction
the battle cry
the elegy before i die
the coughed blood of bitter verb
the crystalled clasp of once forgotten verse
the peace exists in the word
and the word exists to fight for peace
waiting, waiting to be released.

So far today I have:

• received a lovely retro jam making kit and gingerbread cookie cutter family from the boyf (nesting, moi?)
  

• had happy birthday sung to me in a Spanish style by the boys from the upstairs offices

A bit of time wasting pre-work (it is my birthday!)

The Everything Test

There are many different types of tests on the internet today. Personality tests, purity tests, stereotype tests, political tests. But now, there is one test to rule them all.

Traditionally, online tests would ask certain questions about your musical tastes or clothing for a stereotype, your experiences for a purity test, or deep questions for a personality test.We're turning that upside down - all the questions affect all the results, and we've got some innovative results too! Enjoy :-)

Personality You are more emotional than logical, more concerned about self than concerned about others, more religious than atheist, more loner than dependent, more lazy than workaholic, more traditional than rebel, more artistic mind than engineering mind, more idealist than cynical, more follower than leader, and more introverted than extroverted. As for specific personality traits, you are intellectual (87%), romanticreligious (80%), artistic (66%). (86%),

Stereotypes Punk Rock 100% Emo Kid 100% Hippie 83%

Life Experience Sex 31% Substances 68% Travel 26%

Politics Your political views would best be described as Socialist, whom you agree with around 100% of the time.

Socioeconomic Your attitude toward life best associates you with Middle Class. You make more than 0%35% less than the U.S. average. of those who have taken this test, and

If your life was a movie, it would be rated PG-13. By the way, your hottness rank is 64%, hotter than 90% of other test takers.

TAKE THE TEST
brought to you by thatsurveysite

Memories of the weekend:

• The mothers endless search for a decent coffee
• Surprise parties with balloons and party poppers - hurrah!
  
• The whole room going quiet as I said rather loudly "threesomes"
• Glorious food
• Swimming in the jungle run river
• Walking in the morning sunshine
  
• Archery rocking my world - must join a club
  
• Wiii game play
• Homemade birthday cake - I heart lovely moist carrot cake (thank you Jessie!)
  
• Amazing presents - all I could want and so much more!
  
• Dancing to 'Tragedy' by Steps (with all the moves)
• Lunar eclipses
• Turtle and Josh winning at the casino
• Class A's in one villa, caperberries and olives in the next
  
• Cockney sing-a-longs in the last land train home
  
• Hearing tales of mud slides and drunken singing in the depths of the forest - and for once it wasn't me!
  
• Riding bikes and not using the brakes until the last minute
• Drinking naughty ferret
  
• Spa heaven
• Snuggling on the sofas in front of roaring flames
• Pancake house binging prior to returning home
• Sleeping like a baby last night and having to turf myself out of bed this morning
  

I'm a very lucky lady indeedy. 14 of my favourite people all mine for a whole weekend! Thank you to you all for making it a wonderful weekend.

Birthday celebrations don't stop there - tea and cakes on Wednesday too...yummy yum yum

Lazing Posting...

I know that I've been doing lazy youtube posting recently but I'm crazy busy at work and have not been socialising much. Nothing overly fun to report. However, just about to go away for my 30th so expect rattie shenanigans update next week! I'm going to do archery, kayaking, spa and swimming - hurrah!

I just snorted coffee through my nose...

I'm not afraid to keep on living...



I do believe that I've had the MCR album playing on my headphones for a little too long - my life is becoming akin to a goth rock opera.

I'm a GOD and I'm burning off my flesh - ready for the future...

Seeing Foxes

Fox Symbolism - Cunning, provider, intelligence, magic, diplomacy, wildness.

My father was a 'Foxall'. During the time before and as he was dying my mother and I both saw a number of dead foxes. The universe is funny sometimes - it needs to give you a good old kick up the arse for you to be able to 'get' things.

Then last night, after my first Working on the Body session I stopped to see a huge dog fox in a garden. He was yards from me and just looked; and looked; and looked; and looked at me. I think I can take that as a good sign.

Thinking about Dad.

The other day when I read about Anita Roddick having Hep C; I cried all the way home. I'm sad for her and what she and her family will undoubtedly have to go through but I'm also happy that Hep C will now get the attention it deserves. It's estimated that some 200 million people around the world have it and yet in the UK there is only one organisation that is there to support people suffering and their familes. If you do think about giving to charity please, please think about giving to Hepatitis C Trust

Even if you can't donate please sign their petition here to the Prime Minister to accept that the current public hepatitis C awareness campaign is not working and that the rate of diagnosis is nowhere near enough to prevent thousands of avoidable deaths.

Be still my beating heart...Russell Brand AND Noel Fielding...



and another with Russell rambling on...

Happy Valentine's Day

Soppy cards, flowers, chocolates and gifts...you gotta love it!

Depression - a light at the end of the tunnel?

The seemingly endless depression that comes with cloudy and cold winter months is slowly but surely being abated by:

• Becoming the proud owner of tickets to all 3 London dates of Manic Street Preachers tour in May. OH...MY...GOD...who was I kidding when I said that they don't really matter to me anymore, I am so not over them at all...I almost cried for joy this morning when all my bookings went through.
  
• Beginning working of the body weekly sessions to address my fraught relationship with food.
• Losing 10lbs in 4 weeks on the Slimming World diet.
  
• Being joined in London by the lovely Julie (hurrah!) and starting walking evenings instead of joining a gym.
• Looking forward to Centreparcs in the first weekend of March (note to self: buy a new swimming costume).
• Actually looking forward to becoming 30...
  
• Crafting it up to max - you should see my new plastic bag holder and lavender bags!
  
• EBay craft shopping - leftover Cath Kidston fabric for me to play with? Yes please!
  
• EBay spends on CD's that I've denied myself for months.
• Making lovely dinners for friends
• Making, baking and creating in the kitchen - I've made some lovely spicy tom sauces that I'm very proud of.
• Planning the rest of my life with a wonderful young man that makes me extremely happy indeedy.

Now, just to get on top of the endless to do list at work and all will be sorted!