Barney Harwood
Apparently Barney was cooking in Celebrity MasterChef yesterday but I didn't notice because I was too busy gazing at his lovely face...
#TooOldForACrush?
Wednesday, July 12, 2017
In Bed With My Brother
We Are Ian
An old raver reminisces about 1989 and acid house while three brilliant actors perform phenomenally against a back drop of relentless beats and flashing images. Playfully this show is totally uplifting, comedown depressing and all the way back up again.
Top one.
Top one.
Thursday, June 22, 2017
367 Days Sober
I don't think I would have ever classed myself as an alcoholic but I've always drunk like a fish. I'd be the one with the 7 or 8 pint by 10pm or drinking neat from the bottle of spirits at 4am on the dance floor... usually still having a good time but the hangovers were getting worse and watching my dad die the liver ward at Kings Hospital really brought home the toxicity of alcohol on your body. My intake had dramatically reduced anyway as I didn't drink during pregnancies and breastfeeding. Then last year "the darkness" hit me quite hard. I went to the doctor and he prescribed antidepressants. Alcohol doesn't always mix well with anti-d's so I decided to stop entirely.
That was over a year ago. The first few months were hard - Friday nights with no wine, warm Sunday afternoons without an ale. I explored non-alcoholic wine (mainly horrible, too much sugar), beer (some ok, check out Nanny State). I've had a few nights out fuelled by Budvar or Bavaria which have still been fun - I just don't get enough energy to be still dancing at 4am!
I'm not sure I'll keep it up forever but for now it's working for me. Overall, it's been a good thing...
I don't think I would have ever classed myself as an alcoholic but I've always drunk like a fish. I'd be the one with the 7 or 8 pint by 10pm or drinking neat from the bottle of spirits at 4am on the dance floor... usually still having a good time but the hangovers were getting worse and watching my dad die the liver ward at Kings Hospital really brought home the toxicity of alcohol on your body. My intake had dramatically reduced anyway as I didn't drink during pregnancies and breastfeeding. Then last year "the darkness" hit me quite hard. I went to the doctor and he prescribed antidepressants. Alcohol doesn't always mix well with anti-d's so I decided to stop entirely.
That was over a year ago. The first few months were hard - Friday nights with no wine, warm Sunday afternoons without an ale. I explored non-alcoholic wine (mainly horrible, too much sugar), beer (some ok, check out Nanny State). I've had a few nights out fuelled by Budvar or Bavaria which have still been fun - I just don't get enough energy to be still dancing at 4am!
I'm not sure I'll keep it up forever but for now it's working for me. Overall, it's been a good thing...
Wednesday, November 30, 2016
Friday, July 08, 2016
Monday, June 27, 2016
Wednesday, June 22, 2016
Anxiety and Depression
I suffered from anxiety and depression throughout my tweens, teens and early 20s. Bulimia, self harm, panic attacks, suicidal thoughts and attempts, drug and alcohol misuse... but as I moved towards my late 20s, I felt I could walk the tightrope well and manage myself and my actions ok. Particularly bulimia and self harm were controlled.
Then my Dad died and it triggered last great depression (2005/2006). In the intervening years there have been periods of darkness and anxiety and tears. Getting married and having children were big life changes to do without the support of my parents.
After I gave birth in 2013 I had a feeling something was wrong - certainly not depression as such but a lack of any clear emotions... after some investigation that turned out to be a hormonal imbalance so I came of the pill, periods returned and also my feelings.
Since then my anxiety and depression have been on the slow burn, increasing here and there. The usual coping mechanisms (exercise, mindfulness and self care including attempting to sleep and eat well) aren't keeping it at bay or I'm not able to do them... I've come to a tipping point. Anxiety means I worry constantly so I wake in the night or cancel social engagements or don't leave the house at all, my immune system is low so I catch every illness going and don't recover quickly, the negative thoughts are pushing me to 'control' my eating and punishments (cutting or making myself sick which I don't want to do - I know they don't 'fix' you). I want these thoughts and anxiety back under my control so I went to the doctor yesterday and elected to take Citalopram, a SSRI which can help to restore the balance of serotonin in the brain.
We'll see how it goes.
I suffered from anxiety and depression throughout my tweens, teens and early 20s. Bulimia, self harm, panic attacks, suicidal thoughts and attempts, drug and alcohol misuse... but as I moved towards my late 20s, I felt I could walk the tightrope well and manage myself and my actions ok. Particularly bulimia and self harm were controlled.
Then my Dad died and it triggered last great depression (2005/2006). In the intervening years there have been periods of darkness and anxiety and tears. Getting married and having children were big life changes to do without the support of my parents.
After I gave birth in 2013 I had a feeling something was wrong - certainly not depression as such but a lack of any clear emotions... after some investigation that turned out to be a hormonal imbalance so I came of the pill, periods returned and also my feelings.
Since then my anxiety and depression have been on the slow burn, increasing here and there. The usual coping mechanisms (exercise, mindfulness and self care including attempting to sleep and eat well) aren't keeping it at bay or I'm not able to do them... I've come to a tipping point. Anxiety means I worry constantly so I wake in the night or cancel social engagements or don't leave the house at all, my immune system is low so I catch every illness going and don't recover quickly, the negative thoughts are pushing me to 'control' my eating and punishments (cutting or making myself sick which I don't want to do - I know they don't 'fix' you). I want these thoughts and anxiety back under my control so I went to the doctor yesterday and elected to take Citalopram, a SSRI which can help to restore the balance of serotonin in the brain.
We'll see how it goes.
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